My Journey to Find Love❤✈

Chapter 6: Philophobia

*Warning some sences contain stuff people don't want to talk about.
_________
" Your not afraid to love, Your afraid of not being loved back"

Philophobia: The fear of falling in love.
_________________________________

"Rose, I just don't know what to do. My heart is telling me go but, my mind is telling me don't do it don't fall for it." I said as I paced back and forth in out dorm.

I can't stop thinking about what Joon said to me yesterday.

It was the most sweetest thing someone has said to me.

"Then go talk to Yoongi like Hobi said. It might calm your nerves." Rose said as she turned me around facing her.

"He is in your class right? Talk to him then." She said as we sat down.

Ever since I came here Rose has always been there.

But I really miss talking to my bestfriend back home.

Her and Rose are just alike.

"Okay I guess I'll talk to him." I said
What harm can come from talking to him.

Namjoon POV:

"I just can't stop thinking about her." I said to Jhope as we were entering our dorm.

"I understand just don't push her too much ok." He says. I wonder why he said this.

"What do you mean?" I asked with a concerned look.

"I talked to her the other day and she just has some issues to work out thats all."

"What issues?" I say while taking a seat at the kitchen tabel.

"Not for me to tell Joonie." He said walking away to his room.

Maybe I should ask her but, I don't want to be nosey.

I'll just take his advice and not push her to tell me.

Just like I don't want to be pushed to talk about my past.

But I'll have to tell her one day.

End POV

The next day we had classes and I decided to talk to Yoongi afterwards.

As class was let out everyone rushed to get out the door.

As I got out to class and made my way over to Yoongi who had headphones in.

"Hey Yoongi" I said as I sat down in the seat in front of him.

"Sup Ana" He said as he took the head phones out of his ears.

"I need to talk to you Yoongi, Jhope told me too he said you can help me too." I say.

"Ok proceed." He says.

I then told him my story.

"And after all of this I'm afraid, afraid to love someone." I say looking at my hands.

"It's hard...I'm not good at showing how I feel after what happened to my mom." He says with a depressed look on his face.

" My mom passed away from a house fire years ago. After she passed I was never the same. I was just angry and wished it was me instead of her." He said with tiny tears forming in his eyes.

"I turned towards Alcohol and always got drunk. And when I'm drunk I tend to become a litte agressive. I had met Rm and Jhope during this time. They never knew this until they found me drunk one night and then I told them." He said while playing with his fingers.

"They helped me, helped me through everything. After I overcame this I turned towards music and wrote songs and played the piano my mom had left me."

I didn't know what to say I just kept thinking about my mom before she ever done this to me.

She was a caring and loving and my best friend.

"Listen Ana, I don't know if what I had to say will help you but, don't go the route me and Jhope went. Take the route that leads you to something good. You and Rm deserve it." He says.

"Thanks Yoongi, I've gotta run." I say with tears in my eyes. I never knew that people can have the same senerio as me.

But why am I having a hard time overcoming this.

I ran towards the dorm.

Thank God Rose had class.

When I made it there I couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

I closed the door and sat on the floor. I felt like I've hold them back ever since my mom left.

For the last 5 years I showed no one my emotions because I didn't trust no one.

How am I suppose to get over this?

I decided to pick myself up and go over to the practice studio.

Music has always been my safe haven.

When I got there I picked a guitar from one of the shelves.

I taught myself how to play since no one in my family had musical abilities.

I grabbed a stool and started playing Fools.

My favorite song, I haven't played it in years.

I then started singing since no one was around.

" Only Fools fall for you, only fools."

"Only fools do what I do, only fools fall"

-While singing this I started to cry again.

"Oh our lives don't collide, I'm aware of this.

"The differences and Impulses and your obsession with it."

I was about to sing the next verse when I heard someone else not singing it but soft singing.

Who could it be. I looked towards the door with tears in my eyes and I see him....Namjoon.

I felt embarrassed no one has heard me sing in years.

"What are you doing here" I say looking at the ground.

"I saw you crying as you were headed here. I was gonna go to my dorm but I followed you." He says while stepping closer.

"Well I've gotta go Bye Joon." I say

I grabbed my guitar and as I was bolting out of the door.

He grabbed my shoulder and made me look at him.

"Whats wrong Anastasia?" He says with a worried look on his face.

"I'm fine." I say while avoiding to look at him.

"Look at me Ana, whats wrong you know you can tell me right?" He says.

I looked up at him he really did care about me.

But I don't want to tell him yet.

What would he think of me?

"I'm fine, promise."
I lied on the inside I was screaming save me.

"Ok. I'll always be here Ana." He says as he kisses my cheek and leaves.

I placed my hand on my cheek that he kissed.

Why can't I just face my fears and tell him.

I'm falling for him everyday but, on the inside I feel like I'm breaking.
____________________________________

A/N:

Wow I can't believe I wrote this I'm in tears lol. Thanks to everyone who is reading this! I'll try to have the next chapter out w/ a new character soon. Thanks!💜

Love,
Alex<3