She.

4. A Piece of Your Heart and a Piece of You Died.

Therapist: Tell me about the night that changed everything.

Self: I don't know. So many things, it could've been the last time or maybe the first.

Therapist: A piece of you died that night didn't it? A piece of you left, left you in the cold. Mind numb, lips tight and eyes wide. You couldn't even breathe. That's what you said right? Find that night.

Self: Oh.. that night. Yeah. The night that changed my heart? A part of my heart just died. Left me numb and cold.

Therapist: And your heart? What did you say to the doctors when they told you it was in-operable. That they couldn't make your heart the way it was before?

Self: I told them I knew. That part of me had died along with a chunk of my heart that rotted due to improper care.

Therapist: Now we're getting somewhere. You've finally admitted that part of you has died. Not just your heart. But a part of you. Did you ask the doctors if they could fix that part of you that died? As well as your heart? What they could've done for your being as a whole?

Self: I only care about my heart. And they told me it was in-operable. There was nothing else left to ask.

Therapist: I need to know. Why did you not let the rest of your heart die that night? You could've let go. Do you not believe in Rebirth? You would've had a new heart, a new life. Why are you holding on?

Self: Regeneration. A piece of my heart died that night, rotted off. But the piece of my heart that's still alive believes there's enough light to make my heart whole again.

Therapist: So you believe that there's hope for you? In whole there's hope? For your heart? That that piece will grow back in whole?

Self: In time.. yes.

Therapist: And the part of you that died as well? Does it regenerate as well?

Self: No. She's dead. She died that night. I don't want her back. I told her I'd take her away if she wouldn't keep quiet. She was too loud. Too damaging to my heart. Had to leave her behind like the last time.

Therapist: So there's no chance she'll come back.

Self: I pray that she holds her silence. But she's made reappearances before. Idk. She's gone for now. And that's all that matters.

Therapist: Do you miss her?

Self: ... She was me, what do you mean? Do I miss apart of myself, the part of myself that doesn't want to exist? What are you asking me? I told you she was gone. I don't want to discuss this anymore. It's 3:00PM. I only pay you for an hour. Maybe we should talk about this next session.

*She abruptly stands and walks away. Closing the door behind her softly.

Self: Why did she have to bring her up again.