How Much I Know - a Renegades | Marissa Meyer fan fiction

Chapter 25

Kahless visited Max once she came down from the Council meeting. She was surprised to see him talking with Adrian. She had to remind herself that he was the Sentinel. Nova, or Nightmare, was at his side while they conversed with Max.

Max noticed Kahless soon after she came into viewing range. He smiled before returning to the conversation.

"At least she shot the Detonator in the arm, though," Adrian remarked about the day. Kahless cringed internally for Nova. It must be hard to pretend you wanted to shoot your ally. Maybe even friend.

"Yeah, I guess. But she's still out there. And so is Nightmare." Nova's response was actually pretty realistic, given the circumstances.

"It's so hard to track her, though. She wears a mask and doesn't come out often. She's doing a good job, too." Kahless felt a laugh bubble up in her throat. She made a point to conceal her smile and walk underneath the quarantine, out of sight of Adrian, and in effect, Nova and Max.

"Oh, I forgot. How does your uncle feel about this?" Adrian asked.

Kahless almost screamed. She wanted to laugh so hard that she didn't know how to contain herself. She took a few deep breaths and felt the urge to laugh recede. She knew, though, that if she tried to talk she would break.

Nova's voice was an octave higher when she responded, "My uncle?"

"About, you know, being a Renegade," Adrian clarified, oblivious to Nova's discomfort.

Nova started coughing. Based on the timing, Kahless could assume she was also trying not to crack up with the conversation topic.

"Are you all right?" Adrian's concerned voice asked. Kahless shook her head, smirking. That boy had a lot to learn.

Nova finally stopped coughing and said in a slightly more contained voice, "Oh, he's fine with it. I mean, I've been training for this my whole life. It's not like he'd try to stop me now."

No kidding, Kahless thought comically.

"I'll see you later, then, Max!" Adrian said, ending the conversation.

Kahless waited until their footsteps quieted to walk up the stairs to join Max. "I'm glad that I didn't laugh. That would have been embarrassing," Max commented.

"I agree. That was so hilarious," Kahless added.

"So, what happened at the library?" he asked immediately.

Kahless told him, in perfect detail, the day's events. She was overtaken by a memory partway through.

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"Tell me, girl! What happened?" Kahless tried to think through the pounding headache pushing at her skull. Her mother's death rang through her brain. She tried to think, but she was eveloped in the devastation of the moment.

She only had enough brainpower to remember the voice that spoke to her. It was deep and mysterious.

"I-I don't know what happened, sir," she said, eyes shut against her memories. She knew it made things worse, but it was a reflex she couldn't bring herself to break.

"What happened in there?" the voice came again.

Kahless forced herself to open her eyes. It was more difficult than she thought, and suddenly she was staring into the face of Reynold Grey, another resident of Kingsborough apartments, where she had stayed until her mother's death. He held a knife and was threatening her. "You crazy child. You're just like your mother, and you'll die just like her."

Kahless shivered. She'd had this same thought many times before. It was a recreation of a memory. She'd just imagined that one of the apartment people would threaten her. They never did, but it didn't stop her from imagining it.

She'd faced this many times before. Her mind raced, making the situation worse, but Kahless clamped her will around her brain. You obey me, she ordered it. She'd had practice with this too often to count.

"Please, please," she heard herself whisper, just like in all the times she'd imagined it.

"No," she growled. She would not let herself be controlled by her own mind. She'd had practice. She could do this.

-------

"Remember me?" Max said when Kahless had walked into Headquarters with a low head. It had been a long day.

She glanced up sharply. Max was smiling down at her. "I could never forget you, Max." She jogged up the steps and felt her dread lessen as she heard the boy explain his city model editions.

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Kahless exhaled. Happy memories. They weren't so hard to call up, right?

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"Hey, Sketch?" Kahless asked after Adrian.

He turned around, facing her. "What is it? And what is your name, anyway?"

"I can't tell you, I'm sorry. But could you give me drawing lessons?" She fidgeted with her hands.

Adrian grinned. "Why of course. What about tomorrow, at 3:00?"

"Sounds great," Kahless replied. The words were genuine.

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Kahless broke out of her remembering trance to see her own corpse on the ground. No last words or anything. Just... Silence.

She shut her eyes again and called up another good memory.

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"What do the houses on Tower St. look like?" Max asked. His eyes were shining.

"Well, what if I just drew them out for you?" Kahless asked. "Adrian gave me drawing lessons. I think I can try something."

"Thanks, Kahless!" Max said excitedly.

For the next few minutes, Kahless drew out the sights she had seen. She told the quarantine people to give Max the drawing. They did. The look on Max's face was the happiest Kahless had ever seen him. It was a sight to remember.

And she did.

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Kahless was smiling. She raised her eyelids, promising herself not to hide in her own mind this time. She needed to fight, not just run.

The sight she saw was of a cloaked figure holding a scythe. Kahless's eyes widened even more.

Phobia.

The recognition was immediate. Kahless had no idea what she was supposed to do, so she stayed silent, except for a single word. "Hi?"

Phobia didn't reply. Kahless wasn't sure if that was for effect or if he really was speechless. She assumed the former.

"Well," she said, faking enthusiasm by bouncing on her toes, "I'll leave now if that's all right! Or even if it's not. Anyway, bye!" She skipped away and the villain let her leave. She was surprised but didn't argue.

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"Hello? Kahless?" Max said to her. "You were just getting to the good part!"

Kahless realized she was shivering. "I'm sorry. I really hate my memories. Please don't ask about this one."

Max nodded. "Of course not. Please continue with your story." He grinned childishly. His voice was so hilarious that Kahless cracked a smile.

"Well, at that point..." Kahless had no interruptions until the end of her recollection when she described Mara's leaving.

"That's painful," Max remarked.

"I know," Kahless agreed. "I wish there were something we could do."

"Me too."

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Kahless tossed an turned in bed that night. She saw Mara's wide eyes, an emerald green with streaks of ocean blue. Her face pale and her limbs shaking. Her black ringlets of hair seemed to pale in the light of the office building.

"He's really dead," Kahless heard her whisper again and again. 

It haunted Kahless more than she wanted to admit.