How Much I Know - a Renegades | Marissa Meyer fan fiction

Chapter 6

Kahless leaned against the apartment building. She was getting cramps from standing there for so long, but she didn't dare make any noise. She was watching for any sign of movement from the Sentinel. Blowing a strand of orange hair out of her eyes, she readjusted the periscope so it gave her a clean look at the armored figure. 

Kahless's thoughts drifted back to the girl - Mara. She had said,"I try to make my mark on the world a kind one. Because there is no other way I could stand. I would always regret what I did, so I don't give myself anything I could regret."  Kahless was awestruck that the girl's self-stated reason for living so mirrored her own. Kahless, with perfect memory, could never outrun herself. All of her actions would haunt her forever. Nothing could save her. Nothing. 

She'd had this train of thought before, which may have been why it came so easily to her now. But every time she stopped to think about it - such as late at night or on a mission, where she had no distractions - it gave her the barely deniable urge to scream, cry, or hit something. To blow up an entire building. Reflecting later on those moments, she really pained for the Detonator, who had that temptation all the time.

But Kahless held her tongue. She said nothing. She knew none of the listed things would do her any good at all, and that she would be forever regretful for them. They would only increase her pain. 

She stared, transfixed, through her mirror device. Other people's vision would have gone blurry by then, but thanks to Research and Development, Kahless had been installed with special contact lenses to keep her vision crystal clear, all the time. They also zoomed in and out when she wanted it to. They were, hands down, the most valuable possession she owned, second only to her memories.

But then... To Kahless, her memories were such a burden. She was drowning in them. But she knew they were, to someone, valuable, no matter how much she disagreed. If only she could get rid of her power... No. Her only way to do that would be to endanger and traumatize Max, and he didn't deserve that.

Max. She cared deeply about him. She felt responsible for him, too. She was his main source of news and friendship, and without her his life would collapse in on itself. She couldn't - wouldn't - let that happen to him. Ever.

But that Mara girl... What if she had the answers Kahless was looking for? She was apparently able to resist Nitrana's powers, but did that continue to resisting other people's powers? Could she temporarily release Kahless's?

She gasped. She hadn't thought of this before. What if?  What if this girl could break her out of this insanity? What if she could go into Max's quarantine without suffering? What if she could help them? 

What if...

The Sentinel groaned. He rolled over onto his side, before wincing as - Kahless assumed - he realized that the suit was heavy and the material dug into his flesh. He sat up slowly, cringing from his injuries. He looked around hastily, almost worried about someone seeing him. Kahless smirked as his gaze passed over her periscope without even suspicion. That was the point, after all.

After nervously checking the surrounding alleys, the Sentinel pressed a hidden release on his chest and the whole armor outfit collapsed into a prism of metal about the size of his palm. This retracted into his chest and Kahless recognized him as... Adrian Everheart? Hugh and Simon's son? She struggled for words as he drew himself a water-dispensing faucet. His shoulder wound had been under pressure for the 7.8 hours he had been asleep, but was now soaking through the fabric of his top.

He removed his shirt and cleaned his wound. This usually made Kahless glance away guiltily, but she noticed a tattoo of fire on his left forearm. Her mouth opened further - if that was even possible - as she took in the sight. He turned towards her so she had a good view of the zipper tattoo in the middle of his chest - in exactly the same spot he had touched to retract his armor.  Kahless only gaped. Of course. Of course. It was so obvious, now. If Sketch could draw, then eventually he'd wonder how far his power went. He would test it on himself.

It made so much sense Kahless nearly collapsed onto the fire escape. This wasn't some villain; it was Hugh and Simon's son. The Sentinel.

Adrian started to draw stitches on his knife wound. Kahless barely breathed until he had drawn another shirt and was heading back to the Renegade tower.

Kahless could inform him that the Council would find out soon. Very soon, if Kahless were involved. She could help him. She could keep this from the Council. But... She needed no one to know about her. She was nothing. A shadow, with no more significance than a particle of dust trailing in the light. No one could - should - know about her.

But she felt a peculiar sense of regret as her gaze followed Adrian dragging his feet as he left the rooftop and alleys, heading for the tallest building in the city.

Unwelcome, the tears felt hot against her cheeks as Kahless watched the boy leave her sights. She knew she was not crying for him; she had never wanted his attention.

She wanted freedom. She wanted a feeling of belonging. A feeling of safety.

But that had left her sights years ago, right along with her mother.