Look Up (ON HOLD)

Goodbye

"Are you sure you want this?"

I nodded.

We just buried my mother not too long ago. Adam, Woody, and my new-found family were all that was there.  It was hard but I'm getting better.

I was packing everything up and my brothers were here helping.

Adam wouldn't move. He sat at the table all day and was blank. I wasn't sure if he was waiting for me to leave or wanted me to stay. He didn't speak up once and it scared me. How could he do that? We have been through so much together and he is just waiting for me to leave.

I walked up to him with Bruno and Nana following.

"Adam, I am going to be civil about this. Do you want the dogs?"

"No. Take 'em."

It hurt to know he wanted nothing to do with me. 

I slightly nodded and walked out to the car. We were gonna drive to my dad's house this time. 

I put the dogs in the back of the car and just looked around with tears in my eyes. My brother have left by now and were sad to see me go, unlike this place.

Adam stood on the porch now and my eyes were begging him to give me some sort of emotion. But his eyes were hard like the rest of him. This wasn't the Adam Mitts I fell in love with. 

"Wait a minute, I want to say goodbye to everything."

I walked through the back and looked at the horses. I have never left a house like this. I have become so attached to anything in my life. 

I called the horses by name and they comforted me in my hard time. I was now bawling and no one could care less. 

I looked at the white horse who came up to me with her head almost knocking me over. I chuckled but held it and kissed it. 

"She always did only like you."

I turned around to Adam. He wasn't looking at me but I saw the side of his face to know he was frowning. 

"Adam, please don't get rid of her... And please don't change once I leave. That's all I want. I want you to live your life like you normally would."

"And what about you? You want me to just forget about everything that happened?" He said now getting angry with me. I liked the emotion I was getting.

"Adam, I've never had a family and I am just going to have to deal with it. But you, you have so much to work from. It won't be hard to forget about me. Trust me, you are good looking and there are many people dying to jump your bones. Just don't change how you were before I even showed up."

"How the hell can you ask me to do that, Jess! You were my first of everything! First girlfriend, first kiss, first... Just please don't go. I can give you a family. Just don't go."

His tears started to fall. This is what I was waiting for. For him to finally break down and cry. 

I walked up to him and grasped him in my arms. 

"Adam, I love you. Just please, I don't know what to do. My dad is... And you."

"It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me. I have to go."

I kissed him long and hard on the lips and got one long one in return.

"But, Jess, please, can we try the long distance thing? I just want to know your okay and everything.."

"Adam, I don't think it's smart."

I kissed him on the cheek and walked to the car. My dad was already inside and the dogs too. I looked back at the house that built me. The house I considered home. The house where I believe family belonged. 

The house where I learned what love was.

Love wasn't a term you through around, it was the strongest thing ever. 

Love was the thing you could always count to be there.

Love was the home you knew where your heart was and always will be. And as I drove away, I felt a piece of mine stay there with Adam. 

He stood in the dirt blew up from the tires and when we were a few yards away, he dropped to his knees. I let out a sob that you couldn't hear over the radio my father was listening to. 

Adam lifted his hands into his head and I saw his scream just before I saw the dirt road. I turned and smashed my head to my large dogs. They say and shielded me from the world. The shielded me from Adam.