Forever will end one day

Henry's pov (part I)

How am I supposed to fix this? When Arthit sneaked out of the bed, it took me the whole thousand years experience to not, to turn around and grab his hand and stop him. What would I have said? It's impossible, this situation. How could I be so selfish as to ask him to be with me. Right now, all the pain I have caused to him, with just the few weeks he has really known me, it wouldn't have been necessary. If I just kept my distance. I just sighed and took a sip of the coffee, what an awful thing to drink for wakefulness.
But the pain I would cause him, if I stayed with him. That would be. No would have been, a hundred times harder. It would be a bit of a paradox. I have had for a thousand years to get used to the curse, to understand what it is, why. What I have to do. But when I tell it all to Arthit, and he suffers, as a normal human surely will. Then I can be with him only about a year. And the deadline would always loom over his head. However selfish I am, I can't do that. It would be the most awful thing I've done in my life, until now.

The morning sun is so beautiful and in every other day I would have appreciated the sight, but I can't today. It's usually a real welcomed feeling to see the sun, every morning of every day. I couldn't really get, what could be more rewarding. Seeing the sunrise every morning. It should be a privilege, not something we got used to. Of course I know that often enough other people don't take the simplest things as miracles, well not anymore anyway. Why would they. People think that it's normal to watch crackling fireplace from a tv or give their kids envelope's full of cash and not to go and do something, anything together, outside the house. Or to appreciate the simple power and rawness of nature. Even inside the house, people don't do much together anymore. What could be more simpler, but to give children smartphones and tell them to get lost. Maybe not all people thought so, and of course no parent has to spend every waking moment with their kid. Everyone needed some free time for themselves. I wonder, If he's okay?

It was such a weird day from the start. It's like every choice I've made, seem's wrong or distorted somehow. Like I'm not sure, if I made the right choices. Looking into the reasons, and consequence of every choices in the past. It seems I want to go over the journals again, I'd do it anyway, after every hundred of years or so, but for many different reasons. It's a habit I got into about five centuries ago. I read my journals from the start to the end. Every time I find some facts, that are missing from the entry or just some things I see in a different perspective now. It's like being certain, that I never forget anything, or that the things I did in the past. That I would not repeat them in a wrong way. Though there have been times, when I write about something, that just happened, and discover while writing as if it's deja-vu. New memories repeating old one's. I guess we can't do anything about it. We are helpless in front of the mistakes we don't learn from, and we don't know how to celebrate the bad we do learn from. Most of the times, when this has happened, then it's rather common, that I've not learned anything from the past actions, though thankfully these things have not happened to me too often.

When I designed my house, I always had a dream about a big library, and because I had been in every library that's ever meant something in the last 1000 years history, I figured that the best thing is to design a house for myself. That shows how much I love to read, how much I care for the books. Of course I had to consider, that I would live for quite some time, and I surely will acquire big enough amount of books, which have to be put somewhere and kept safe and intact at some place secure. So I designed a beautiful library for my house. It has no lighting from outside, to not bleach the binding of the books. It's two stories high, with glossy mahogany wood and big old looking dim chandeliers hanging in the ceiling. Few couches in the middle of the room, with a coffee table and small lamps beside them. Everything was with a really warm lighting.

Nowaday people everywhere were switching to LED lighting, and I've changed most of the olden light bulbs too, but still I hate the blue light, here in the library I like the yellow lighting most. It makes it feel warm, and maybe a bit like olden days. Also the books covers would survive as the lighting was not there to destroy them. When I suggested the books preservation issue through lighting improvement. Not putting the books into the clear view of the light. They thought that I was crazy, why would it matter. Though I agreed that in the human perspective, the reading is much more welcomed in the natural lighting from outside. But the simple truth is, I've seen how volumes turn to dust, because their in the light for years after years. The paper finally just dissolves. Of course there are so many other factors too, and many of them I've tried to put into work at my own library too. After some years of discussion they finally listened to me. For the really valuable volumes we created an underground reading room, where people could actually see and read the volumes, wearing the right gloves and under the proper kind of lighting. At the same time, the knowledge in books and parchments was protected from the direct light of any kind.