Just Another Book About Harry Potter Ships

Remadora (Remus/Tonks)

SHIP NAMES: Remadora, Ronks, Remus/Tonks, R/T, RL/NT, S.S. Wotcher Wolvie

THOUGHTS: It's fascinating to me to see just how much this ship has moved down in my estimation over the years. Remadora used to be near OTP level for me when I was a kid and teen. Then it moved down a bit after I became less involved in the fandom and just generally cared less about some ships, and now...well, now it's much lower because I've given the ship a lot more thought and found that it's got some major issues that I choose not to support.

In retrospect, Remadora feels as if it came about because JKR got annoyed that fans were shipping Remus and Sirius, and so she decided to throw Remus and Tonks together just to "prove" that they weren't queer, even though she's the one who said that werewolves are a metaphor for HIV/AIDS, which disproportionally affects the LGBTQ+ community (and if you think about that metaphor too long, it becomes super icky, too — dirty, evil werewolf Fenrir Greyback preying on young boys (like Remus) and infecting them? That's a HUGE yikes and we do NOT stan toxic, inaccurate stereotypes about gay people here).

To put it crudely and in a way that is likely going to ruffle some of y'all's feathers, JKR made the conscious decision to put two of her series' most blatantly queer-coded characters together in a straight-presenting relationship, made them breed, and then immediately killed them off and orphaned their son. If that isn't an act of metaphorical violence against the queer community (whether intentional or not), I don't know what is.

If Remus and Tonks's relationship had at least been well-handled, maybe I would've ignored my instinct that JKR only put them together to "prove" that they weren't queer, or maybe my instinct wouldn't have been triggered at all because their relationship would've been created respectfully and with much forethought and nuance. But instead, they feel incredibly forced and unrealistic, and everything about them screams incompatibility.

On Tonks's end: her interest in Remus appears out of nowhere, which is the same complaint I have about Harry's interest in Ginny, and she gets so upset about her unrequited feelings that after she's rejected by Remus, her Patronus becomes a wolf, which is something that I dislike about Snape's "love of"/obsession with Lily. James's Patronus (a stag) was complimentary to Lily's (a doe), but Snape's was an exact copy of Lily's. Tonks's Patronus goes from being a jackrabbit to, you guessed it, an exact copy of Remus's (a wolf). Her personality completely disintegrates once Remus rejects her, going from the enthusiastic and bubbly Tonks that we all know and love to being withdrawn and moody, which is disappointing. And her depression isn't even because her cousin just died, but because a guy rejected her romantic advances! Really? Plus, the way that Tonks blows up on Remus in the hospital wing after Fleur stays by Bill's side and guilt-trips him into having a relationship with her in front of the entirety of the Weasley clan is very manipulative, whether intentional or not. Never mind the fact that Tonks and Sirius are cousins... So you're telling me after the death of Remus's last remaining close friend and his (potential, hinted through queer subtext) love interest and Tonks's cousin, the two of them are going to become romantically involved...? (There's also the large age gap, but honestly, I think that's the least of their problems.)

On Remus's end: the poor guy does not seem interested in her at all! Seriously, when he rejects Tonks, this is what the Harry Potter Wiki says: "he started to volunteer in dangerous, long-term missions in order to keep distance between them." Like, yiiiiiikes. That does NOT sound like he returned her feelings in the slightest, considering that he actively avoided her. But then Tonks asks him again, after a lot of moping and pining, this time during a very emotionally distraught moment (after the Battle of the Astronomy Tower, in front of tons of people, where it would be extremely difficult to refuse her), and Remus tries to protest but caves. They marry immediately (I guess they decided to completely skip the dating phase...? Yikes.) Then, when Tonks gets pregnant, Remus LITERALLY DUMPS HER AND TRIES TO JOIN HARRY'S HORCRUX HUNT! Remus tells Harry, and I quote, that he "made a grave mistake in marrying Tonks," that he did it "against [his] better judgment" and has "regretted it very much ever since." Um??? Sir, WHAT? Harry, the seventeen-year-old son of Remus's dead friends, literally had to talk Remus out of abandoning his pregnant wife!!! We don't stan that here!

Now, I get that Remus was super insecure and full of self-loathing, didn't want to pass on his lycanthropy, etc. etc., so that's supposedly why he was protesting this relationship...but why isn't his reasoning good enough for people? Remus had a TON of issues that he needed to work through before he could be good relationship material, especially for someone as young and untroubled as Tonks, and he! knew! this!!! He knew this! Remus was very vocally against a relationship with her from the start, and for that to be just shoved aside (by multiple characters, the fandom, and JKR herself!) because oh, well, Tonks loves him, so that should be enough? ...um, actually no! No, that's not how that works! It's Remus's choice whether or not he wants to say 'yes' to a relationship, so if Tonks wants it, but he doesn't........that's still a no. No means no. It takes two people to consent to a relationship, and the fact that Remus was so against it, said yes under duress, and then continually got cold feet and tried to run away...if he had been a woman, the fandom would be all up in arms about how he was forced into a relationship, but because he's a man, the fandom brushes it away and even calls their relationship "romantic."

Anyway, I have a LOT of ~feelings~. Basically, the longer I think about it, the more I realize that Remadora is super rushed and unhealthy. The only good thing that comes out of it is Teddy, and even then, I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but we don't know much canonically about Teddy at all. Most of it is fanon. So I'll be fine over here with my beloved headcanons about Remus and Tonks both being queer asf (Remus is bisexual and Tonks is a genderfluid lesbian) and finding healthier relationships with people other than each other, thanks. The mere existence of Teddy is just nowhere near enough for me to ship this.

(And before anyone comes at me and misconstrues what I've said here: I don't dislike Tonks OR Remus. I think they're both flawed characters, and that makes them interesting, but the way their relationship goes down is unhealthy and I'm bothered by both Tonks's behavior (getting so depressed over being rejected that she loses her whole personality, her Patronus changing, the way that she went about re-confessing her love to Remus where other people could overhear and take her "side") AND Remus's behavior (most notably, trying to leave his pregnant wife and also...apparently not using contraception or condoms, even though he was deathly afraid of passing on his lycanthropy? I know that contraception and condoms are not 100% foolproof, although maybe magic can help with that, but their marriage and pregnancy are so sudden that it seems unlikely that they were actively trying to prevent pregnancy, which is questionable if Remus really didn't want to pass on his condition). Their relationship brought out the worst in each of them, which is the exact opposite of what you would usually want from a relationship, so while I'm not bashing any characters, I think that they both made some really bad decisions. Unfortunately, Tonks in particular gets the short end of the stick with how JKR treated her, so she comes off looking worse. It's just a mess all around.)

RATING: 1/10: I really, reallyyy don't ship this.

FANDOM RANK (AS OF JUNE 2022): #13

What do y'all think? Let me know in the comments! And please remember to be polite!

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