Chapter 17: Disney

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  I stood out on the roof, leaning against the railing surrounding the landing pad. My old pair pink and sparkly Minnie ears clasped in my hands as I breathed through the thick air. It was uncomfortably humid and it made the 85 or so degree weather even less bearable, but I was still utterly helpless and I could sit around and watch everybody do things while I didn't. I hadn't changed out of my pajamas- an old pair of jogger shorts and a simple baby blue tank top- because I'd given up trying to keep up any sense of composure. 

  Everything about everything felt wrong and out of place. There were really only two people I felt like I wasn't falling into piece around. My dad was obviously one. He was always in my reach no matter if he was in Moscow or sitting beside me.

  Then there was Peter. In the first few weeks of meeting him, I felt an instant connection as clique as that sounds. He never let fear show through if he knew it would worry anyone, but he was closed off. He knew when to pursue someone or when it was best to back off. When to shut up and sit there with you or to just talk to drown out something else. Peter was someone I knew would protect me whether I deserved it or not. And he was someone I trusted with everything from my stupid little fears that any lesser human being would hold over my head to the real reason I can't sleep so many nights.

  But part of me felt another person creeping onto that listen. Regan. No, I do not love him, nor do I plan to ever, but he was there that week of my life where I didn't know anything. He sat nearby while I relentlessly refreshed every news page from Maryland and flicked on the t.v every 3 minutes. He was the rock that stopped me from hitching hiking to Baltimore and throwing myself at Void with a butcher knife.

  I took a deep breath and walked back inside. The swell of voices in the dining room and kitchen drove me away from the center of the house to a small room on the very edge of the house that my dad made just for me. It was sort of a shrine to everything I loved; a collection point for memories that deserved to be displayed and not thrown into a box in my closet. 

  Pushing open the door painted my childhood favorite colors lavender and sunflower yellow, I reached for the light switch and the room lit up in a flame of colors. I'd installed about 3 different huge strips of rainbow fairy lights that could flash like a rave, be normal, or fade nicely from every color to a new one. An involuntary smile lit up my face as I scanned over everything carefully placed on about 5 bookshelves.

  A put the Minnie ears in my hand onto the baby pink styrofoam head specifically for it and picked up a fairytale book sitting beside it. I flipped open the book to my favorite story, "The Brave Tin Soldier", and out fell a picture. It was a picture of me with a gap-tooth grin, the headband I just put down with pigtails, and a Belle dress on my dad's as I peeked through his own set of ears. The castle behind us looked as inviting and hopeful as my smile.

  I plopped down on a large beanbag, book and picture in hand as I remembered that day at Disney. It was by far one of my favorite memories.

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Everything around me was bright and colorful. Disney World was what I thought was heaven and my gap-tooth smile was never gone from my face through the whole visit. I giggled and screamed as wind pipped my pigtails around on all the rides and I hung on tight to my sparkly Minnie Mouse ears. My little hand squeezed my dad's hand as he laughed along with me. Seeing him smile and laugh so freely was undoubtedly my favorite part, even over meeting my favorite princesses and eating all the sweets and junk food any six-year-old could ever want.

"Daddy, daddy!" I pulled on my dad's pant leg, "There's cotton candy!"

My father, unusually disconnected from his many communications, smiled and handed me a ten dollar bill. "Go get me some too while you're at it," he chuckled.

"Thank you, daddy!" I grinned and took off through the crowds of people wearing mickey mouse ears holding buckets and bags full of overpriced Disney-themed things. My small six-year-old body easily fit through the mass of people and I would probably be hard to see, even in my Belle costume, but I had no doubt that my dad could find me anywhere.

I drew up to the red and white concession cart, a big smile on my face and I bought two sticks of cotton candy. Pink for me and blue for my dad. Fluffy clouds of sugar in hand, I turned around to the direction in which my dad stood waiting and immediately ran into a set of another man's legs.

Stumbling back, I looked up at the person I just ran into. "I'm sorry, mister."

He looked down at me, not saying anything. The little social interaction id had previously taught me nothing about a situation like this. "I'm-um- sorry," I said again and backed up into yet another person. Thankfully, this person was actually my dad who placed a protective hand on my shoulder. He watched the other man with wary eyes for a few seconds which felt like minutes before leading me away from him.

"I got you blue cotton candy," I said, still confused but I could tell my dad was on edge and I didn't like it.

He took the fluffy blue cloud from me with a grateful smile. "Thank you, princess."

I grinned back.

__________

  I don't know why, but that man always stuck out in my head. He was a good definition of average. Not tall, not short, nondescript dark hair that could almost be red in some light. His brown eyes looked kind in the split second I remember seeing. He wasn't old or that young. I've never figured out why I remembered him so vividly or why my dad reacted so strangely to a normal guy. 

  Maybe it was because before then and after then I'd seen other men around in grocery stores or other places that looked like him, but he wasn't an unique looking person. Maybe...

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