Gone But Not Forgotten

Ch 5 - Never Looking Back

Silvia helped me all morning preparing for the Selection. We dug out the old submissions, copied, and rewrote them so they would apply for the boys. We ordered more guards to be present at the palace because of all the visitors. We even picked out colors for the boy's rooms.

I had just sat down for a well-deserved break when Maxon walked in, a smile on his face. He walked over, his hands behind his back, and sat down. He flashed me one more sly smile before saying, "I knew it from the start, she's your daughter."

I laughed, "You think I would remember the twin's horrible pregnancy and the pain-filled birth."

He smiles and continues, "Eadlyn came to see me in my office today. She said that she was willing to compromise with the councils decision. She was willing to hold a Selection if there was a set time to send the boys back if she didn't feel a connection with any of them. I replied with the classic: I'll ask your mother."

I couldn't help it, I rolled my eyes. That's exactly the thing that Maxon would think of as a reply to Eadlyn. "I told you she would be stubborn. She has too much of me in her."

"I know, I know, just out of curiosity's sake, how did you figure out that she would ask for a set time to send the boys back?" Maxon asks.

I pause, pretending to think even though I already know the true answer, "Easy. That's what I would have done in her place if my parents were making me get married to a total stranger."

That moment was when I realized how horrible this choice really is. I was transported back to before the Selection when I too remembered thinking that I couldn't marry a total stranger. The only reason I joined the Selection and met Maxon was because of Aspen's wishes and my mother's persuading.

He smiles and his eyes inherit the faraway look, "That sounds about right."

We stand in awkward silence until Maxon clears his throat, "You know, the king and queen always get to go on a 'honeymoon,' if you will. They can take it at any time they want during the Selection so that the prince, or princess in this case, gets a chance to bond with the Selected boys. Since I've been neglecting you lately, I was wondering if you want to have our 'honeymoon' in the next week or so. We can't have it too early because we have to meet the Selected boys and help guide Eadlyn in the beginning of the Selection. We could leave about a week after the Selected boys arrive, if you like."

I grinned at Maxon, "Really, like, time without swarms of guards, papers to sign, pictures to be taken...quality time with you? This isn't some prank, is it?"

He smiles, "Of course it's not a prank."

Maxon quickly glances at the elegant wall clock and reads the time: 4:47. "I have to get to another council meeting and you, my dear, have to get ready for the Report. Tonight is the big night when we announce the Selection." He kisses my forehead, stands up, and briskly walks out the door.

I pause for a moment and smile, remembering his words when he proposed to me in my bedroom, many years ago:

It felt as if everything else in the world was gone...until we heard the crash in the hall. Maxon stared at the door, seeming to expect it to burst open at any second. He was tense, more frightened then I had ever seen him.

"It's not him," I whispered. "It's probably one of the girls stumbling in her room, or a maid cleaning something. It's okay."

He finally released a breath I didn't see he was holding and fell back onto the bed. He draped an arm over his eyes frustrated or exhausted or maybe both.

"I can't America. Not like this."

"But it's okay Maxon. We're safe here." I lay down beside him, cuddling onto his free shoulder.

He shook his head. "I want to let all the walls down with you. You deserve that. And I can't now." He looked over to me. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." But I couldn't hide my disappointment.

"Don't be sad. I want to take you on a proper honeymoon. Somewhere warm and private. No duties, no cameras, no guards." He wrapped his arms around me. "It will be so much better that way. And I can really spoil you."

It didn't sound so bad to wait when he put it that way, but as always, I pushed back. "You can't spoil me, Maxon. I don't want anything."

We were nose and nose then. "Oh, I know. I don't intend on giving you things. Well," he amended, "I do intend on giving you things, but that's not what I mean. I'm going to love you more than any man has ever loved a woman, more than you ever dreamed you could be loved. I promise you that."

The kisses that followed were sweet and hopeful, like our first ones. I could feel it, the promise he'd just made, starting now. And I was afraid and excited by the possibility of being loved so much.

(For the full scene, check Chapter 27 of The One).

My feelings for him came flooding back, stronger than ever before.

Then I remember the Report. The country first, than more reminiscing on our happiness together. I quickly get up from my perch on the couch and head out the door where Mary is already waiting, pondering if she should knock.

"It's time to get ready for the Report, your Majesty," Mary says with slight hesitation. Something is definitely up. I make a small mental note to ask her about whatever is bothering her later.

"Your Majesty?" Mary's voice jerks me out of my thoughts. The Report. Right. I nod once and follow her through the hallways, never once looking back.