Gone But Not Forgotten

Ch 7 - Change

I smoothed my dress nervously. Why am I so nervous? It's not even my Selection! I take a deep breath and follow Maxon into the studio. As I expected, swarms of eager reporters surround us in minutes asking questions like, "Have you seen any of the Selected boys yet?" and "Can you give me a quick interview involving how you're feeling?"

Tonight marks exactly 2 weeks since Eadlyn made the announcement about the Selection. Reporters and TV crews have been swarming our family since that night, and I can hardly go anywhere without someone trying to get an interview. Maxon knows how I feel about cameras, but there is little he can do. If he orders that no reporters may enter the palace gates, it could spread a bad image for our family.

Maxon guides our whole family, Eadlyn, Ahren, Kaden, and Osten, to the six thrones set up in the corner. One of the thrones is slightly in front of the others. That one's probably Eadlyn's; the cameras want a clear view of her reactions. I wince, remembering how the cameras made Maxon seem so shallow back then. Maxon notices my expression and massages circles on my hand. There's little he can do with the Report starting soon.

I offer him a small smile, and we all take our seats just as Gavril stands up and the recording light turns red. He clears his throat and silence envelops the room like a blanket. "Hello citizens of Illea. I, Gavril, have the pleasure of broadcasting another Selection. I can distinctivly remember saying that last year was my last year, but I had a very strong sense that this year is going to be special. Plus, what would the king do without me? I provide half the conversation."

Maxon chuckles and even I manage a small smile. The burning in my heart starts when I think of what's ahead for Eadlyn. Gavril continues, "Before we begin, Queen America, would you mind giving these gentleman words of advice?"

I share a quick glance with Maxon; he looks back at me sympathetically. I take a deep breath and begin, "I can still remember what fair Queen Amberly told me when I was starting my Selection: she told us to be ourselves. That is exactly what I am telling our brothers of Illea now, don't change yourself to fit Princess Eadlyn. If she doesn't like you for who you are, then she's not the right person for you, crown or no crown."

I take a huge sigh once the attention is diverted back to Gavril. I quickly glance over to Eadlyn. She looks like she's on the verge of breaking down live on the Report. Pain flashes through me again. My daughter is feeling pain because of me, because of my decision to become Maxon's queen. Why should she have to suffer for me to conclude my own fairy tale?

The pain increases, more intense this time. My heart burns. I feel as if a live fire is burning the outer cores of my heart, leaving me scorched and broken. I feel as if Maxon can see all that I'm holding quietly in my heart, and am instantly very uncomfortable. I feel bare without my armour. I flinch as another burn sends me sitting more ridged in my chair.

Maxon notices my expression and massages my hand again. He probably thinks I'm panicking over my advice to Illea. I push the burning to the corner of my brain and try to focus on the Report. Gavril's face is becoming clearer. I take a deep breath and try to focus on the small-talk conversation that is occuring between Eadlyn and Gavril. Finally, after Gavril realizes that he won't be getting any other answers out of Eadlyn other than "Yes," or "No," he sighs in defeat and signals for the tech people to begin showing the Selected boys faces.

I pay careful attention to Eadlyn's expression. She seems surprised; one corner of her mouth is lifted slightly, as if on the verge of laughing. What would I pay to see what she's thinking right now? Did she really think that the Selected boys wouldn't be good-looking? I notice that on some of the boy's faces, she makes faces of disgust or shock. One boy, I think his name is Henri, particularly shocks her and she stares gapping like a fish.

I tear myself from her expression, I need to know the Selected boys too. The screen flips to a boy named Ean from Hansport. He looks very mysterious, unpredictable, and hard too read. I'm not sure I would want someone like that ruling by my side...why am I thinking deeply about this? It isn't even my Selection!

More boys pass by from my eyes, but no one else sticks out, until we get to Angeles. When Kile Woodwork's face appears on the screen, I'm sure I don't contain my gasp of shock. Eadlyn has replaced her shocked face with a face full of anger. What is it that bothers her so much about Kile? Marlee would love it if her son became a prince. Maybe then she would stop feeling guilty about staying at the castle. I also notice out of the corner of my eye, that Josie is looking particularly exuberant, and Kile, well, is looking like he might start a rebellion then and there.

After Kile's face was shown, Gavril speaks, "Well, people of Illea, there you have it. 35 boys, one from each province, have just been Selected. In one of them, a future prince will rise and steel Princess Eadlyn's heart. Who will it be? We'll keep you posted! This is a message from the royal family to yours, wishing you goodnight!" Gavril signals at the crew, the anthem is played, and the red light dies. I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding, and rise from my chair.

I cross the stage to where Emma, Nobrey, and the Woodwork family is sitting. Marlee runs into my arms screaming, "It's just like our Selection!" while Emma and Nobrey follow more slowly. We all embrace each other and stand there, still, until the Report's crew kicks us out. We need each other's strength more then ever.

Change is on the horizon. It's like the rain that will water the parched town, the winds that sweep across the waves, the knife that impales the ground. It will never be the same again. There's no going back, no begging for it to come later, no falter in the impulse. All we can do is hang on for dear life and hope not to be swept away into change's furious rath.