Back To Life - Kim Jonghyun

Chapter 2

EUNJI

TUESDAY

Yesterday was so tiring. I stayed up all night coming up with a lyrics of mine for the mini album. It is harder than I thought now that it has been too long since I wrote the last lyrics way before I met SHINee. Then, a sudden idea hits me as soon as Solji purrs and rubs her body on my leg. I carry and place her on my lap and start to write the words on a blank piece of paper. These words are the exact replica of the last lyrics that I wrote, but I make sure now that it matches the music and the beat of it.

"Honey, you should sleep now. It's one in the morning." Jonghyun says while he flips on our bed to watch me write on the paper using his table.

"I just need a little bit of time." I say without looking at him. Solji jumps out of my lap and onto our bed placing her tiny body beside Jonghyun. Close enough for him to pet her.

"It's due next week. Cut some slack and sleep beside me honey."

Jonghyun rubs his eyes as he struggles to keep them open due to the lamp that is on for me to see what I'm writing. He then gets up and hugs me from behind. The smell of his skin around my neck as I write makes my mind focus on him instead. Honestly, I never thought that I'd love him even after all the times we've been through in a short span of time and here we are now. Stuck with each other forever. He is the most angelic person that I met in my whole life and I knew then that I should not let him go. I'm this kind of girl who is always insecure about little things. I'm the type of girl who tries her hard and still failed some of her courses in university, but managed to graduate. I'm not even that pretty and skinny like a typical Korean pop star should be, but yet Jonghyun chose me. I may never understand his unconditional love to me, but I'm thankful to know and feel that someone can love me enough to stay with me forever.

"Please? I actually need you." He whispers in my ear. My hands stop writing the words in my head and ask him,

"What is it?" I manage to look up to him to see his face. For some reason, he looks gloomy and dark. He looks tired from everything, and my suspicions are confirmed when he says them,

"I'm just tired, stressed, annoyed-everything. So can you just join me?"

We both notice that when one of us is sad, our new cat, Solji meows at us and Ruru sits with her on a line and just watch us until one of us wants them to come over and cuddle together. Ever since we adopted Solji, she has always been like that now and she also somehow makes Ruru do it with her. It's like they are communicating silently through brainwaves. If that's a thing. Standing up, I cup his face and squishes his cheeks together.

"Where's my handsome, cute husband go?"

Most of the time, it works on him if his emotional "lowness" is not bad, but if it is, it never works just once. It's one of those nights. Since I have been in a relationship with him, it has always been ups and down and nothing in between. It's always either high or low. Extreme jealousy or extremely happy. I know I can't blame him because I understand how he feels whenever it attacks him just whenever he is alone when he leaves an event or a conversation in a bad mood. I have always been trying to keep my urges to burst out and release my tension to him like how he does to me, but if I do that, I know that we will both be weak and that is dangerous and risky. No one will be this strong person of whom we can hold on to. From the wedding until the day we die, it will always be us and no one else. And I also know this: one day, I will find a way when we can not hide our relationship and our struggles and live happily without people criticizing us wherever we go together.

I finally agree to go to the bed with him and sleep. He turns the lamp's light off. Ruru and Solji goes onto their own beds and sleep on their own sleeping beside each other. Then, a sudden cold feeling flows on my shoulders. It is Jonghyun's tears. I sit back up to see him crying with his eyes closed.