Shoot or Die. (August Alsina)

Drinking and Driving

I-I got one hand on this bottle

One foot on the gas

I'm searching for trouble

I'm going too fast

I'm running from shadows

I'm hoping to crash

Just to wake me up from the pain and the past

Hennessy plenty weed, do you have anything stronger

I don't care give it here

Wanna make this high last longer

Unafraid unaware can't you see I am dying

Wanna feel what is real anything is worth me trying

J Pov

I was on my way to go out with dwayne. We have gotten really close. August trusts me being with dwayne alone. I told him not to worry. I don't want him to worry . We went out to Chili's . Nothing to fancy . Just friends hanging out. I heard my phone ring a few times but I wanted to ignore it . I rang one more time and i excused my self and answered the phone.

"J about time you answered!" august said yelling through the cell phone

"I'm sorry , i was eating and my hands were greasy , and i didn't want to get my phone greasy." i said into the phone ,

"Whatever ," he said , "you need to get to the hospital now! Something is wrong with CJ." he tried to say calmly

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY SON?" i yelled tears already streaming down my face . I told dwayne i had to leave. I pulled out a 20 and left.

".. He wasn't breathing right and he could hardly walk , he said he was getting dizzy . I'm here at the hospital now but... but-"

"I'm on my way august." and I hung up

I felt like i hard thousands of needles in my back. My eyes were burning. I did a 50 in a 30. I pulled into the parking lot. You could hear the screeching from the tires. I quickly grabbed my keys and my purse and threw my heels off and ran inside .

Right Now , barefoot , my toes now icy cold from the freezing hospital floor.

I collasped when trying to go into CJ room. The doctor got in front of me and held my shoulder while looking into my eyes .

I exhaled so heavily , that was the only noise you heard in the whole hospital. When the doctor told me the news my whole life flashed before my eyes.

His word stung , surging around my mind , engraved into my brain forever , seared into my memory.

"I'm sorry, Ms.Lilly , he didn't make it..

"Didn't make it"

"Didn't make it"

"Didn't make it"

"Didn't..."

After that repeated i knew i lost my son , my life , my baby boy...

--

Weeks went by , the color of my skin got lighter , hair was a mess , eyes were so puffy , i got skinner , haven't been eating. I started to run me a bath . Warm water , I winced at the heat when i first stepped in but i got use to it. I didn't feel complete with CJ gone . I wanted to be dead , gone , forgotten , i wanted to be lifeless.

I just was floating in the tub. I didn't hear anything. Just pure silence. I wished i could stay in here forever.

Then suddenly , i just started sliding down .. Lower and lower and lower until my whole body was under the water . I forced myself to stay under. I had voices screaming in the back of my head. 'Get up get out' , sounded like CJ or Kay Kay.. i ignored it , i wanted to be with CJ .