Keeping Secrets (Book 1)

Chapter 16: Breakdown

I sat on the couch, gasping for air. Nina was kneeling on the floor next to me, relief flooding her face.

"What did you do?" I demanded. "You couldn't have given me two more seconds, could you? I almost had them! Now they're gone!"

"Dylan, you were in there for almost five minutes," she shot back at me. "I needed to pull you out of there."

I knew I shouldn't be mad at Nina. She was only trying to keep me alive. But if only I had a few more seconds to hear Death's answer. I also couldn't help but think that me suddenly vanishing from wherever that was to have completely thrown off the conversation. What if Death was going to agree, but then changed his mind because I managed to escape? What if he took it out on Jenny?

I had to believe she could take care of herself. This was our only shot of saving the ghosts, and we failed. Whatever Death did to the ghosts now, she'd be able to handle. I had to believe that, otherwise I'd go insane not knowing.

With a sigh, I went to swing my legs off the couch to stand up. Except, I momentarily forgot that one of my legs no longer moved on command. The prosthetic foot refused to move while my thigh did, resulting in me struggling to move anywhere. All the progress I had made in the last few months learning to maneuver it seemed to have been undone by a few minutes of having my leg back in the ghost realm. That just wasn't fair.

I could tell Nina was curiously watching me struggle, but I honestly didn't care anymore. I almost died and I wasn't even able to save Jenny after I promised her I would. Nina finding out about my leg was the last thing on my mind right now.

"Where are you off to in such a hurry?" she asked, still in the same spot on the floor. "You're not even gonna tell me what happened?"

I just shook my head. What else could I say? We failed, end of story. There was nothing else we could do.

Without a word, I grabbed my phone, wallet, and keys off the table and stuck them in my pockets. There wasn't a point in staying here, not when this was the last place I wanted to be right now.

Just before I got to the door, Nina stopped me. standing in between me and my escape. "Dylan, what happened? Please."

I sighed. "I don't... I don't know. I'll talk to you later. Right now I have to go."

The realization that I had basically died again had finally sunk in. I couldn't sit here with her talking about it. I had a feeling that that would just end up making me feel worse about the situation.

Thankfully, Nina didn't argue with me anymore. She stepped aside - after making me promise I'll tell her everything later - and I let myself out of her shop.

There was only one person I wanted to see right now, so I was going straight to him.

It wasn't long before I was pulling up outside his house. Travis' car was here, which sent an unexpectedly large wave of relief over me. I didn't realize just how badly I needed to see him right now.

I climbed out of my car - well, technically it had been Jenny's, since mine had been completely totaled; that thought seemed to make my mood suddenly worse, but I pushed the feeling aside - and hurried as quickly as I could up to his front door and knocked. While I waited, I could feel my anxiety getting worse. My heart was beating way too fast and breathing was becoming difficult. I haven't had a panic attack in so long, I had forgotten how bad they could get.

Finally, Travis lazily opened the door. It looked like he had just crawled out of bed. I didn't pay any more attention to that fact, throwing my arms around his neck without a word, wanting him to just hold me tight. That's all I needed.

I didn't know when Travis guided me further inside and shut the door. All I know is that we somehow made it into the living room and onto the couch, which is when I finally let go of him.

I wiped at my eyes, which had been slowly leaking tears since I've gotten here. I hated being such a mess, but Travis was the only one I really felt comfortable seeing me like this. It's one of the reasons I loved him so much - he'll never judge me for just showing up at his house and crying on him.

Travis gently lifted my chin so that I was looking at him. I could see the worry written all over his face, which made me feel guilty. I didn't mean to worry him, but it was bound to happen, considering how bad that panic attack was.

"What's wrong, babe?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head. He didn't need to know that I risked my life to try to save the ghosts. He wouldn't understand anyway, with his whole "they're already dead" mantra he keeps telling me. It shouldn't matter if they died, they're still people who are here and who care about us, the living. Why shouldn't I risk my life to save them?

But at the same time, Travis was sort of right. They all lived their lives - some shorter than they should have been - and I still had the rest of my life to live. Why should I risk ending mine for them, for ghosts that most people don't believe in anyway?

Except there was one main reason for me to do that. Jenny. And I failed her.

The tears started flowing again and Travis hugged me closer to him. I leaned into him, burying my face against his shoulder, staying there until I calmed down again.

Eventually, Travis' hand that had been gently rubbing my back stopped moving. I had stopped crying a few minutes ago, but I still hadn't lifted my head just yet. Not until after Travis spoke.

"Babe? Are you okay?" he asked.

I sat up with a small nod. I probably looked like crap and I'm sure there were now tear stains on Travis' shirt, but I did feel better than when I first got here. It's amazing what crying can do for you.

"I'm sorry," I said, needing to apologize. "I didn't mean to come here just to cry on you, but it did help."

He leaned forward a bit to place a gently kiss on my forehead. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I did, but I knew Travis didn't want to know the details. So instead, I settled for a simple "I love you". Except it ended up not being so simple after all, because I couldn't seem to shut up.

"I love you so much, Trav, I can't even express it. I never want to lose you. I don't know what I would do without you. You've been so amazing, especially these last few months, and I've done nothing for you. I don't want to do that to you anymore. I've died twice now and I don't want there to be a third time, at least not anytime soon. Because I need years to make up everything you've done for me so far."

Travis just stared at me. I hadn't meant to say all that, but I knew every word I told him was true.

Finally, he spoke. "Twice?" he asked. "You've died twice? When was the second time?"

I smiled sheepishly. "This morning?" Out of all the things I just told him, he had to focus on that one tiny bit, didn't he?

When Travis' eyes widened in shock, I quickly elaborated. "I'm fine, Trav. I was with Nina and she wasn't able to go through with the plan, so I had to do it. It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal? Dylan, that's a huge deal! You died again! You showed up here having a panic attack! How is that not a big deal?"

Before I could come up with a response, my phone vibrated in my pocket, telling me I had a text. I quickly pulled it out, grateful for the extra moment to think of something to say to him. But as soon as I read the text, I forgot all about what Travis had said.

On the screen were three words from Nina: they found me.