Reasons||m.c.

one

one//

“I love you,” I whispered, lazily tracing my finger over Kai’s strongly built chest.

“Mm,” he smiled tiredly, “I love you, too.”

His hand moved up and down my bare back slowly as we lay naked in the peace and quiet of his room.

“I have to get home,” I said finally, propping myself up. His eyes fell to my breasts and I instantly swatted his arm, playfully scolding him for his typical-teenage-boy-like manner.

I pulled on my clothes that had been scattered around the room, stepping over his clothes and the used condom thrown on the floor.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, pulling me over to him by my waist and smiling up at me.

“See you tomorrow,” I agreed, bending down and kissing him shortly before leaving his room and sneaking out of his house.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That was one month ago. Now, I don’t even like to hear his name being whispered.

He took my virginity that night, and the next day turned against my back. All he wanted was to get in my pants and then gloat about it to the whole school and start rumours. It worked. I had been foolish enough and I fell for his tricks. He told everyone I slept with him on the first date, that I begged him to have sex with me. None of that was true. We were together for nearly two months - which I guess I should have realized was still too early - before we had sex. Then he began telling people crude and sexual favours I had been doing for him. Kinky things. Sex shop things. Again, none of it was true. We had only just had sex. My first time. There were no kinks involved that night. But he did more than just that. I opened up completely to him. I told him some of my biggest secrets. And as you guessed, he told everyone. I became the laughing stock of my high school. I was very popular, I had a lot of friends, did a lot of sports, was good in school, and nice to pretty much everybody. I wasn’t some slutty bitchy popular. I was just normal. Now, everyone thought differently of me. They thought I was a freak, they thought I was a whore. They thought I was stupid and naive.

It was hard on me. I spent my lunch time alone in the bathroom crying, refusing to eat. I kept my head down in the hallways and didn’t talk or smile to anyone. I never volunteered for anything in class anymore. I sat in the back quietly. My grades started slipping. I went home every night and cried my eyes out, slamming my head against a wall hoping I would hit my head hard enough I could just end it all right there. Teachers started to notice. My parents started to notice. My siblings started to notice. I started to notice.

My mom was the first person I told and she held me while I cried and cried. She told my dad later that night and he was absolutely livid. My parents sent my older brother - by one year - upstairs with my little brother and sister, telling them we needed some privacy to talk about the issue. Only my older brother knew all the details, considering the other two were too young to know or understand.

As the issues continued and the bullying and harassment got worse, I started growing depressed. I thought about hurting myself constantly, but I wanted to stay strong. I went to my brother, Tanner, anytime I felt this way. I would just walk into his room crying and he’d instantly know. He’d pause whatever he was doing, whether it be a video game, homework, texting, or whatever 16-year-old boys do.

I walk over to him and just sit down next to him. He would wrap his arm around me and just let me cry, not caring if my makeup smudged onto his shirt. I’d blabber on about how I wanted to hurt myself, or sometimes kill myself, and how I was useless. He wouldn’t say anything until I calmed down. His words would usually be along the lines of “you don’t need to hurt yourself” or “you’re not useless”. He always had something to say and the conversation always ended with “I love you. I want to see you smile. Don’t let those dickheads ruin your life like this”.

One month ago I lost my virginity and got turned into the most outcasted person in the entire school. One month ago I wanted to give up on life.

When my brother told my parents about my suicidal thoughts, they made a change.

“We’re moving.”

I remember my dad uttering the words happily. My little sister, Lily, sat on my lap, playing with the strands of my hair absentmindedly.

“Moving?” I asked.

“Yes… We’re moving,” my dad said.

“Jade, we know you’ve been dealing with a lot. Tanner told us some things you told him and we’re worried.”

My little brother, Wesley, the older of my younger siblings, looked up curiously, “What things?”

“It’s nothing,” Tanner told him, pulling him onto his lap. “Don’t worry about it.”

My mom smiled appreciatively at him.

“Mom… I don’t want you guys to have to move all because of me. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have done it in the first place.” I referred to sleeping with him.

“It’s not your fault and it’s not just because of you. Your dad was offered a promotion at work a month or two ago. He turned it down because it required moving and he knows you love it here. He asked his boss and it’s still available.”

I was grateful my parents did this for me, even though they claimed I wasn’t the only reason for it, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have considered it if this hadn’t happened to me.

I stood up and hugged my mom and dad tightly. “Thank you guys.”

My mom smiled and kissed my forehead, “We want you happy.”

“I hate to ruin the moment,” Tanner cleared his throat, “but where are we moving?”

“Australia.”