Reasons||m.c.

nine

nine//

“Hey, Jade,” Calum smiled at me as I stepped into the room.

“Hey,” I grinned back at him, sitting down. “How’re you feeling?”

“Like shit,” he laughed, “but I’m still alive and that’s all that matters to me.”

“That’s the spirit,” I giggled, looking behind me at Ashton who stared at the ground sadly.

“Ash, you alright, mate?” Calum asked.

He looked up and nodded, “Yeah. I have to get going, though. The other boys will be by soon.”

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“Eh, just somewhere,” he quickly said. “Bye.”

He turned on his heel and practically ran from the room.

“What’s his deal?” Calum asked.

“I don’t know… he was upset the entire way here.”

“About what?”

“This… all of it. He’s blaming himself and he started talking about how he would be better off dead. I made him pull-over and we talked about everything. He’s probably just still upset… you know… doesn’t want to be in the same room as you when he thinks he’s the entire cause of it all.”

He sighed and ran his hands over his face, “God, I just worry about him so much.”

“Why?”

Calum looked down for a moment, as if debating whether or not he should tell me.

“Ashton is freshly recovering from self harm,” he said. “The boys and I found out a month ago. We came over unannounced and his mum sent us to his room. He was in his room crying and his arm was just covered in blood. It was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever seen. We’ve been helping him recover and he hasn’t cut since.”

I was shocked. I’d never take Ashton to be someone who was depressed. He was so happy all the time and full of energy and life. It doesn’t take much to fake a smile.

“Calum… you don’t think he’d try to kill himself… do you?”

“He’s attempted once before,” he told me. "Why do you ask?"

“I mean… he was telling me not even 20 minutes ago that he thinks he’d be better off dead… and he just ran off out of the blue.”

He looked down, running the thoughts through his head.

“I… I don’t know…”

I pulled out my phone and quickly dialed his number. He didn’t answer so I tried again and again. On the third attempt, he answered.

“Ashton where are you?”

“Just let me do this,” he cried into the phone.

“Ashton,” I stood up from my chair and ran out the door. “Tell me where you are.”

I ran through the hallways, working my way to the entrance of the hospital.

“No… I can’t.”

“Ashton, don’t do this. You have no reason to. You have so many people who love you. None of this is your fault. Please, Ashton… don’t do this. I love you,” I ran out of the hospital and looked around for his car. He couldn’t have gone very far in the minute he was gone. And it didn’t sound like he was driving. “The boys love you, your family loves you, your friends love you. Please just tell me where you’re at.”