horribly beautiful ✔️

how do you fall asleep with water dripping from the bathroom sink

i've been taking more sleeping pills
than i should

but it's okay because i'm sick

and at least it gets me to sleep before three in the morning,

because when the clock hits four everything comes flooding in

and gravity gets turned off and suddenly

i'm falling

into something much larger than i am.

and no matter how many
cups of coffee
i drink when i wake up

i still want to fall back into a bed that's became a grave.

i feel like i may be the only one of my friends

who can occupy a borrowed space;

i'm the only one of my friends who hasn't moved on

and who still pretends that your voice exists.

because it was you who taught me to speak bullets;

you who showed me how to lay down in the rain and feel the earths heartbeat roaring underneath me

and it was you who left a piece of yourself

in the only place i could ever call home

and i still cry when i go back there.

i know i'm three years late

but i only need three seconds to prove to you that your biggest mistake was falling in love with the one person you knew you had to let go.

i wish i had known you then

but it wouldn't make a difference because i

still want to be nothing more than the girl you write about.