Fourteen Days

Outbursts

Day 7

Keith cried last night and then got really mad at me. I know he's a pretty Shut in person and doesn't like to show his emotions but he didn't have to lash out. I just wish I knew what was wrong. But I know Keith well enough to know that won't happen. He's still asleep. It was so weird, he drew this amazing picture of me, and he was smiling and laughing and was happy. Then he woke up in the middle of the night and is mad at me again. Maybe he was just tired. The picture was amazing, I'd never had someone draw me. And I guess it was then that I realized I'm extremely invested in Keith.

It's weird to explain, he says he's straight, so I can't like him. I gave up liking straight boys after Thomas. I've always thought he was a little attractive, but now it's everything he does. The way he furrows his brows while he's drawing or when he sleeps he makes tiny grunting sounds. God and he just fits so well in my arms, absolutely perfect. Keith groans, rolling onto his back and stretching. "Morning," I smile and he doesn't respond. Keith crawls out of the bed, pulling me with him, heading towards the door.

We went to the laundry room as we didn't finish them yesterday. He still hasn't said anything. Just got his clothes and carried them to his room, tossed them onto the bed and went to my room so I could fold mine. He sat on the floor, leaning his back against my bed while I sat on he bed folding. I wish I knew what I did so I could fix it. I've been trying to listen to his thoughts but, I can't hear him. I guess it finally wore off, "Hey," I smile and set the folded shirt down. He doesn't say anything. "I can't hear your thoughts anymore. I think it's gone," I hope he responds.

"Cool." He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head up. I frown and keep folding. Maybe he really didn't want me to see the drawing. But why not? It was so good. What else could I have done to piss him off? Oh my god, I kissed him. That has to be it, he's been so distant since I kissed him, he even said he regretted it. I was drunk! It was just a little peck to the forehead. And then he kissed me! Keith sighed and stood, getting onto the bed, sitting as far away our cuffs would allow. He was still shirtless, with his back to me. "Are you mad at me?" I ask again, setting down the last shirt. He groaned and still didn't answer.

We walked to Keith's room, he paused and looked at Shiro's door. I smirk, "Miss your man?" He spins around, "Will you shut up!" He yelled. I crossed my arms, "Well now you're talking to me, why have you been ignoring me?" I ask. He furrows his brows angrily and shoves past me and tried to go to his room. I stood in front of his door, "I'm not letting you ignore me all day." His face got red and he clenched his fists.

"Maybe if you didn't make stupid, annoying jokes, I wouldn't hate you so much!"

"Well maybe if you just learned to take a jo-"

"Why are you even here Lance! We'd be so better off as a team if you weren't here! So what you can make a decent shot! Other than that you're useless and just get in the way! I've seen you texting Pidge and Hunk but they never answer, because even they're tired of your stupid bullshit! They willingly left you here for 2 weeks just to get away from you!"

I gasped quietly, my brows raised slightly in shock. I slowly pressed my lips to a thin line and looked away, staring at the floor. I heard him gasp and he covered his mouth, "Lance-" I held up a hand. "You're right, I'm sorry." I nodded slowly and looked up at him, staring him in the eyes. I felt a tear fall, but I couldn't care, I wanted him to see. "Don't you think I fucking know that?" I said as more tears pressed to my eyes. He was struggling to look at me.

"I'm here, risking my life, watching my best friends risk their lives for a cause none of us knew existed until a few months ago. Ive missed all 3 of my little siblings birthdays. I've missed my older sisters graduation from college, my abuela's... my abuela's funeral. My cousin Miguel's wedding, my mamas heart surgery. I've seen my friends get hurt, nearly die, and sorry if I try to make jokes to make myself and them feel better. Don't you think I know I don't have a place here? It was made pretty fucking clear when we first got here, but I've still stick around because I know that's what I need to do. It's what I have to do. Making jokes to get through the day without breaking down, is what I have to do." My tears were streaming but I couldn't care.

"Lance I didn't mean-"

"You wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it. And besides, what does it matter if you didn't mean it? Everyone else does" I wiped my face and tried not to sob. I wrapped my arms around myself to keep all my pieces from falling apart and making an even bigger mess. I wanted to turn and run, hide away in my room forever. I'd never told anyone how I feel, Keith was at the very bottom of my list to ever express my feelings to.

Keith leapt forward and wrapped his arms around my neck, burying he face into my shoulder while he repeated his apologies. He stood on his toes to be as close as possible. I stumbled from the impact and froze. "I'm so sorry," he breathed out, "I swear I didn't mean it." I wrapped my arms around his waist and cried into his shoulder, my knees buckling and pulling him to the ground with me. He pulled away and wiped my face, "You're needed here, you are needed. I didn't know you were going through those things Lance, it's hard for me to remember people have families and feelings. And I know that doesn't excuse me from being a total asshole but I'm telling you the truth this time, I need you here. I know I say you get on my nerves but it's your quirkiness that makes me want to keep going. It's what keeps everyone going. I shut people out, before they can hurt me, that's why I hate whenever you're happy, because it makes me happy and I don't want to get hurt. And all I did was end up hurting you." Keith was crying too and I wiped his face.

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