withering leaves ❁ yoonmin

XII

Jimin had another episode as his coughs slowly began to get worse and worse. The flowers seemed to get more vibrant in color the longer he had this stupid disease. It was like they were mocking him-bright, happy, yellow gladiolus dropping delicately onto the floor or into the toilet or in his hands. Sometimes, the flowers would rip apart his throat on the way up and blood would spatter the petals. He would be worried for his singing career but then remember that if he didn't find his soulmate soon enough, his singing career would be the least of his worries.

Taehyung's birthday was now and his time in an hour. They had just gotten home from the first event and the next day, they would be off to the next event. But first, Taehyung's birthday. His time was 11:28 PM. It was currently half past ten. Winter was nearing its peak. The snow was already nearly unbearable for Jimin, seeping into his bones even through layers and layers of sweaters and coats. The pain that settled into his joints while dancing or even just after waking up was excruciating, and most would think the cold should lessen the pain. Jimin wanted to laugh in their faces and simultaneously scream in agony. The cold made everything feel creaky and rusted and like he would fall to pieces if he landed on his feet too hard.

But Jimin was stubborn and wouldn't admit his pain. He saw how his Hanakahi had affected the other members-Jungkook stayed up late dancing and then refused sleep even longer by playing video games; Taehyung became overly clingy, hanging onto Jimin or the nearest member like he was afraid they would suddenly disappear; Namjoon wrote religiously, sometimes going through entire notebooks and balls of crumpled paper before getting a single stanza that he liked; Hoseok's smile became distant and fake, his eyes lost their glimmer, and his laugh was rare and when it was present it was forced to the point of sarcasm; Yoongi would scrap songs he'd been working on for years, changing every detail about the songs down to the most insignificant 7th or 9th note on a chord just for an excuse to stay away from the dorm for a little bit longer; Seokjin would wear himself down to the bone with worry and exhaustion, staying up until everyone else slept, waking up early to cook meals for the entire group, and making time to have a conversation with every member. Jimin knew they were suffering-why should they have to suffer more? He was going to keep his own pain as quiet as possible if it meant the others wouldn't worry.

His body was beginning to show the effects of the hanahaki. His abs-the ones he had worked painstakingly for during pre-debut-were slowly losing their definition. His cheeks and jawline were dwindling in their size and becoming sharper. ARMY had lovingly called his puffy cheeks 'mochi' and now that he wasn't really able to absorb nutrients as well as before, his muscles and fat were breaking down.

Perhaps Jimin should have felt lucky; after all, he was basically losing weight at a speed that could rival all of the stupid weight loss dieting infomercials that always popped up on the TV. But he couldn't help but feel bitter. Here he was, a young man-teen-who had worked for years on end improving his dancing and singing. A kid who left his family, blindly following the whimsical promises of being an idol, only to have it ripped away by his soulmate. The one and only person who was supposed to be there for him, who was supposed to love him unconditionally.

And now that his soulmate was lost, Jimin's dream was fading in front of his very eyes. Dancing became harder every day. He needed more naps and more food yet he still felt tired and like he needed nutrition. Jimin forced the food, although bland and unappealing, down his throat each meal.

Taehyung and Jungkook-bless their souls-had somehow noticed Jimin's behavior shifting and took it upon themselves to make sure he was never left alone. (Jimin just probably wasn't as good an actor as he thought he was).

"You suck at this game."

"You literally drove yourself off the edge of the map, Hyung."

"It's a perfectly sound strategy, Kook!"