Perfect // 1D AU ✓

Chapter 22

~Baby, I'm perfect,

Baby, we're perfect~

Harry and Liam were out the next morning at the gym, when Niall was laying on the couch, looking sad. Zayn was also looking particularly mopey. "What is it, guys?"

"Liam is straight." Zayn sighed.

"My phone won't download Tinder." Niall sighed.

Louis walked over to him, and handed him his own phone. "Use my phone for now. Zayn can fix your phone."

"Do you actually have Grindr?" Niall asked, a bit disgusted.

"I also have Candy Crush. Level 47." Louis looked so proud of himself, and no one laughed at his joke. Louis was an odd breed - he got mad when no one laughed at his jokes, but he also got mad when they did laugh at something stupid that he said and it wasn't an educated joke. Especially if he just said, "Carrots.", or something, and Zayn suddenly couldn't breathe from dying of laughter.

"Alright." Niall downloaded the app, and then went to work setting up an account while Louis watched on. "What should my bio be?" He asked.

"Do you have a fake name?" Louis wondered aloud. "You must have one if you're on the run. Or is Niall your fake name?"

"I go by Neil. Or Noel." He put Neil into the app as his name. "Bio?"

"Noel. 22 years old. Message me if you like..."

"Food." Niall said dreamily.

"A certain type of food?"

"Nandos." Niall said.

"What's Nandos?" Zayn asked.

Louis, being from the UK, understood the reference to the chain restaurant, and almost wanted to strangle the American in the room. "Don't do Nandos. Americans won't understand."

"I like Mexican food, I guess."

"Message me if you like tacos, then." The door opened then, and Harry and Liam came in, laughing and talking, with a bag from the dollar store. They had gotten a bunch of popsicles.

"What are we up to?" Harry asked, eyeing Zayn, who threw a blanket over his head and laptop, so that he couldn't see Liam, who was looking over at him discreetly.

"Niall is signing up for Tinder on my phone." Louis told his boyfriend.

After a couple minutes, Louis was debating girls with Niall, and soon enough there was a match. "What do I say? She's hot, Louis!"

"So am I, but you don't hear Louis talking about it every three seconds." Harry rolled his eyes.

"Do you want me to or something?" Louis asked. Harry nodded, and Louis shook his head, smiling the whole time. "Okay, Niall. Quote a movie. If she's too dumb to get it, she's not worth it."

"I want to quote the Spongebob movie." Niall said.

"Why in the world?" Harry turned to Niall from his spot in the kitchen where he was making tea.

"Because her name is Karen." Niall said, with a straight face. He snatched the phone from Louis, sending the message Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife.

Collectively, everyone sighed around the room.

---

After a while, Niall had lost interest in simply finding a nice date, but instead swiped right on everyone so that he could get matches easier and make references to every movie he had ever seen - especially old westerns that no one else heard of. And everyone knew when he made another match because he would laugh evilly and look to the massive whiteboard that they had recently cleaned off, that now held a long list of movies on it.

"Do you think that we should have a cool name?" Harry finally asked, looking up from the crossword puzzle he was doing. "Like Banksy or something."

"Banksy doesn't rob banks, he does graffiti! He's an artist. I admire him." Zayn gave that speech from under his little fort, as he had been for the last couple of hours.

"Or like NSYNC or summat like that." Louis responded.

"Yeah." Harry gestured him to continue.

The rest of them thought hard - Liam was too busy watching the movie on the T.V. to care. "Niall and the Potatoes." Niall said, being completely serious.

Zayn put on a fake announcers voice. "Who has been robbing all of these banks? Niall and the Potatoes! It sucks, Niall. It doesn't flow."

Harry moved to sit on his knees. "This is hard."

The room was quiet. Niall got up, doing his little evil laugh and crossing Braveheart off the list. "The Wiggles." Liam yawned. "Oh, nevermind."

"One Direction." Harry said.

"What's the significance of that?" Louis asks, grabbing a soccer ball, kicking it softly around the room.

"I dunno. I just thought it sounded cool." Harry said, blushing and hiding behind his hands.

Zayn huffed from under his fort. "It does sound cool. I'll try making some logos. See how they look. If not, we'll come up with something better."

"Sounds like a dumb boy band name." Liam scoffed. "But whatever. One Direction it is."

Louis screamed goal as he kicked the ball, but instead of it going under Zayn's desk, it hit his chair hard, and bounced up onto the window, breaking it. Niall screamed, and so did Louis.

"Don't tell Simon!"