What Was Lost // (Harry Styles FanFic)

Chapter 1

Sutter POV- 2 and a half years later...

   Every year on average, there are 130 million babies born. That's over 300 thousand a day. And out of all those babies, only 2,500 of them die every year of SIDS. The number seems so small, compared to how many babies there are that don't die from that. But when I think about the other 2,499 mothers and fathers who have had to go through what Lilly and I did after we lost Annie, that number seems a lot bigger.

   Of all those millions of babies, you never think one of the unfortunate ones is going to be your child. I mean how can it, right?

   Wrong.

   I thought the same thing. Actually, I didn't even think of SIDS, or anything for that matter being wrong with Annie, or happening to her. She was perfect to me. And that's the thing, there was nothing wrong with her. She was healthy, and Lilly and I did everything right. Just one night she went to sleep, and never woke back up. No cause, no explanation, it just..happened.

Well there was an explanation, but not one that made any sense to me, or made anything better.

   It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that I had a baby and lost her. I was only fifteen at the time, a child myself. I'm only eighteen now, barely an adult. I didn't know how to understand or process what the hell had just happened to me, or to Lilly. And especially what happened to my little Annie. All I knew was that it hurt, like nothing in this world has ever hurt before. And I don't think there's anything that could ever top that hurt. You're empty, numb. The inside of your body and your heart feel black, because you have no happy thoughts, no positive feelings. I was consumed by loss, grief, and guilt for something that I had no control over.

   So when my dad suggested we move to a town two hours away, I agreed without a second thought. I know, it was the cowards way out. But like I said, I was only fifteen, I didn't think anything else about it. All I knew was that I thought it would be easier for me.

   No more having to see the prying eyes, and pity smiles. No more having to see Lilly cry herself to sleep every night, without eating, without talking or smiling all day. No more having to walk by the nursery door every time I had to walk to my bedroom and realize that it was empty, and it would never be filled again.

   Sitting Lilly down and telling her we were leaving was almost impossible for me to do. She lived with my family, because hers didn't approve of two fifteen year olds having a baby together. At first, my father didn't either, but when my mother suggested that he would look like a compassionate man to the town for taking in a young pregnant girl carrying his grandchild, he of course agreed. Anything to help his image. Anything to bring in the extra votes.

   It wasn't like Lilly lived far, she was literally in the house next door to ours. The only thing that separates our houses is a few acres of land. So when she told her parents that she wasn't getting an abortion like they had suggested, they kicked her out, which led her into my home. My mother loved it honestly, she was the kind of woman who loved to have a full house of people. She lived to take care of others, and it didn't hurt either that she had known and loved Lilly since she was five years old.

    But telling Lilly we were leaving meant she would have to move back home with her family. Her mother wasn't so bad, especially after the baby passed away. She probably would have let Lilly stay with the baby if it hadn't been for her asshole Dad. Lilly's Dad was a CEO of a major textile company and like mine, all he cared about was his work and his image. And how fast he could get to the bottom of another bottle. Having a baby around the house meant more responsibilities and money being spent, and he wasn't having it. Honestly how the man was ever even a father to Lilly was beyond me. My dad was an ass too, but there was a time before he was Mayor that he would play with my sister and I. Take us fishing at the lake, pull us behind a four wheeler on a sled in the snow, take us for ice cream, read us bedtime stories. He had been the Dad every kid dreams of having, but then work happened. And he changed.