What Was Lost // (Harry Styles FanFic)

Chapter 28

Lilly's POV

For a long time, I was really good at shutting off my conscious and not letting shit get to me the way it used to. But now that I was on this road of redemption, or whatever you wanna call, those old feelings of guilt and wanting to save everyone, were rearing their heads high.

I shouldn't want to help Denny after the way he's treated me the last two times we've been in each other's presence, but I can't pretend that I have treated him any better.

Everything he accused me of, is true. I did use Denny and the things we did together, as an escape from my shit life that was handed to me from others. And whether or not he went about it the right way, he was still there for me when no one else was. No matter how much I pushed him, he never stayed gone. What we had was toxic, and unhealthy.

But once upon a time we were really great friends, and the fact that his dad has been sick this whole time and I had no idea, makes me feel like complete shit. I can't stop myself from remembering all the things his dad used to do with us when we were younger, and I know Denny practically idolized him.

I should have known there was more going on with him for him to always be willing to drink and do drugs with me. I should have known that my old friend, would have never done or said the things he does now.

There were so many signs basically flashing with a neon sign in front of my face, and I was too worried about my own problems and issues, to pay attention to anyone else's.

I wasn't going to sleep right until I made this right, or that he at least was seeking help.

Lunch dragged by, and I basically listened to all the first day chatter going on around me. Sutter sat beside me and kept his hand on my leg the whole time, silently letting me know he was here whenever I was ready.

Unfortunately though, he wasn't going to be much help on this predicament of mine, because we both viewed it from very different perspectives. In his eyes, he left and Denny and I buried our issues in drugs, booze, and each other.

But my eyes?

I see two teens who were lost and hurt, and did what they thought was the only thing they could do to help them survive. And whether that was suppress everything with all the wrong things, it worked.

I never talked about it, or even thought about it, but at one point, I felt like the only way out of this mess, was to end my life.

There were so many nights when I drank myself into oblivion, and I would just think how much bette it would be if I wasn't here anymore, because no one would even notice or realize if one day I just stopped showing up.

Except for Denny.

And he might not have realized it fast, or in an appropriate amount of time, but he would be the first one to question where I went if I just stopped existing.

I look over to my left at Sutter's profile, and feel that same usual galloping of my heart take off. He's always been the one to understand me, and save me, even before he knew I needed to be saved. So I know how much it hurts to even imagine him with someone else, the way we used to be.

Hell, I can't even stand that he kissed some other girl, but much less made love to them. So I get why he has reservations when it comes to that, and I won't push him with it either. But Denny and I never made love, we screwed. Fucked. Whatever you want to call it.

     But it wasn't what Sutter and I had, nothing with anyone else ever would be.

     He catches me staring at him, and turns to face me with a small smile on his face. "Take a picture babe." He says and winks playfully.