What Was Lost // (Harry Styles FanFic)

Chapter 29

Sutter's POV

I'm sitting in my last class of the day, finally, next to someone I haven't seen in a long time, and someone I was honestly a little scared of if I was being truthful.

Nadine Santiago had this way about her that she could either make you feel extremely loved and nurtured, or she could rip you apart in seconds and leave you laying on the floor in a pile of ash at her feet. Not that she ever did that often, because she had a heart of girl. But just like Lilly, when she wanted to make a point, she made it loud.

Which is probably why those two have been thick and thieves since pre-K.

That Latino fire that people talk about? She fucking invented it. So needless to say, I knew I was in for some hellacious cussing whenever she finally got the time. I knew the happy reunion in the hallway wouldn't last.

     Our last class of the day together was Economics, but with it being the first day, all we did was introductions to the class, and went over our syllabus for the year. After that the teacher told us to enjoy the last thirty minutes of class and of the day before dismissal.

     As soon as our teachers ass was planted in her desk chair, Nadine was spinning around in her seat to face me, and she had this unreadable look on her face, but her eyes looked deadly.

     "Alright," I started, sighing and knowing there was no way out of this. "let me have it."

     "What the fuck were you thinking?" Her voice is quiet, so people around us can't hear. But I can still hear the fierceness in there.

     "I wasn't. I was a terrified fucking kid, and when my parents offered me an out, I took it." I admit, knowing how shitty it sounds, because it was shitty.

     "And you didn't think Lilly wanted an out too?"

     "I'm sure she did. But..I don't know, Nadine. It was unimaginable what we went through, and I've always known Lil was stronger than me. I just thought I was going to bring her down further, I never thought I would get better again. Those first few days..you just feel like everything is going to get worse from here on out. I didn't know how to cope with that." Even with this explanation, I know it's no excuse for what I did.

Her gaze softens slightly at my words. "I know what you two went through was something that can't be understood by people who haven't experienced it. But I just never would have guessed you would leave her like that."

How do I explain that I didn't want to leave her specifically? "It's not that I left her Nadine, I just had to get away from this town and even my house. You don't know what it was like going out and all the pity filled looks that people sent our ways. At first it was disappointment or judgmental, because we had a baby so young, and I think that was even more bearable than the pity. And all the whispers."

"I get that, I do. But have you ever stopped to think about the looks Lilly got even more, after you left? She lost her baby, and then three weeks later her boyfriend and best friend, and his family, leave her in the dust, without another glance back at her." Her accent gets thicker with her emotion, and I can tell she's getting pissed at me.

I put my head down, because I know she's right. And I'm not sure what I could say to make her see it how I saw it, to make her see that I never stopped loving Lilly, and I never wanted to leave her, but I had to go. I wouldn't have made it another week.

She must take my silence and the pensive look on my face as another chance to speak up to me again. "I know it was hard on you, but it was hard on her too. And then even harder without you there to support her. It was like she died too Sutter. On the rare occasions she would open up to me about how she was feeling, she told me she felt like her whole family was dead. I wasn't enough to pull her out of that, because she doesn't love me the way she loves you. You didn't see what she was like after you."