What Was Lost // (Harry Styles FanFic)

Chapter 6

     
Lilly's POV

      When I make it home later that night, I have ten missed calls from Denny, and about a thousand text messages. Some are apologies, some are questions, and then some are threats of leaving me if he sees me near Sutter. I ignore them all, and take off my work clothes before putting on something else comfier.

      I'm laying on my bed, processing everything, when there's a tentative knock on my bedroom door.

     I sit up quickly, wondering who it could be. "Come in."

     I'm met with disappointment when It's just my mom, poking her head in first, before cautiously entering the room the rest of the way.

     "Hi, can we talk?" Her voice is soft, but it has no motherly affect on me.

     "What about?" My voice is empty, monotone.

     "I saw where the Mayfields' moved back, how do you feel about that?" She sits down on my bed beside my legs, and I make sure to move them over as far as I can, so there's no way we're touching.

     "What do you want?" I make no attempts to hide the annoyance in my voice. My mother and I don't small talk, ever. There has to be some underlying reason to this.

     "I just wanted to talk to you, and apologize for what your father did this morning. He promised me he's not going to hit you anymore." Her eyes are looking at my cheek and lip, where my battle wounds are from the backhand I got this morning.

     "Oh wow, did he? And how many times has he made that promise to you in the past?" I use as much sarcasm in my voice as I can. "You and I both know the man is never going to stop hitting me, he's sick in the head. And the fact that you try to cover for him, and make excuses for what he does, makes you just as sick as he is."

     My mom has the audacity to tear up, and look like my words have really hurt her. "I know you don't understand Lilly, but I do hate that he hurts you. I do. If I could make him stop, I would."

     "You could have made this stop a long time ago by leaving him. He's been hitting me since I was eleven. This isn't like some new thing he has just started doing all of the sudden."

"I know, but you've just got to stop doing things to make him so mad. You intentionally back talk and show out, knowing what he's going to do the moment he hears about it."

My mouth is wide open. "You're not seriously blaming me for the fact that he's been hitting me all these years, are you? Because let's get one thing fucking straight, I never did anything wrong when I was younger. I did every single thing he asked of me, and more. It was still never good enough."

"When you were younger, yes you did act appropriately. But then you got pregnant as a young teenager, and out of wedlock. How do you think that made him look?" I can tell by the tone of her voice, that she actually believes the words that are coming out of her mouth.

What is wrong with my parents?

"Yeah, you know what mom, you're so right. I was just a little old slut back in the day and got myself knocked up. But I think God punished me enough for that one all on his own, don't you?" I stand up off the bed and point to my door. "I think our conversation is over. And if you want to know what I think about Sutter and his family being back, you can tell them I said to go to hell. Does that answer your question?"

My mom sits on my bed, not saying anything but just looking at me like she doesn't know me. And I guess she doesn't, because I don't even know myself anymore. I've been lost for so long, and every time I think there may be some sliver of hope that I'll find myself, something knocks me right back down.