What Was Lost // (Harry Styles FanFic)

Chapter 13

Lilly's POV

Fifteen and fourteen are very young ages to be having sex, in my opinion anyway. But that was the age that Sutter and I decided to lose our virginities to each other.

Sutter was playing in a JV game the night of his birthday, in September. He was doing amazing all night long, and threw some unbelievable passes to his teammates to help win a game that we were predicted to lose. He was on a high all night long, and everyone was rushing around and telling him how great he did.

I walked out of the stands and went to go meet him when he came out of the locker room, just like I did at the end of every game. He must not have seen me though because when I walked over to where he was, he was surrounded my at least three cheerleaders telling him what a good game he had.

He was smiling and laughing at what they were saying, and when one of them put their hand on his arm, he didn't push it away. I'd had a swim meet that same night, but rushed over to the stadium as soon as it was over.

I had set a new state record for the 100 M butterfly. I was excited to tell him my news, and to give him a victory kiss for his game.

But he wasn't even looking for me, he was too busy soaking up all the other attention the other girls were giving him.

One of them was Ashley Moore, and she had been after Sutter since he asked me to be his girlfriend. She would always invite him to her parties and things when we were younger, but never me. She used to tell people Sutter was only with me because he felt sorry for me.

He knew how much I despised her, and yet her was standing there smiling at her like she was the creator of football. I felt tears well in my eyes, because I knew I would never be the cheerleader girly type.

I loved all sports, but that just wasn't one I was interested in. I swam in the fall, basketball in spring, and softball in summer. I was pretty built for a girl, seeing as how I was always pushing my body to its limit.

And it was then that I started to doubt myself and wonder if maybe I wasn't Sutter's type anymore. Was he only with me because we were comfortable?

I knew he was thinking about sex, because I caught him watching porn one time when I went over to his house. I asked him why he was watching it and he told me he was just curious, but it was obviously more than that.

Was Sutter going to leave me because I wasn't girly enough, and because I wasn't having sex with him yet? We had done other things. We went to third base in the tree house the other weekend, and when warm sticky stuff shot out on my hand, I was surprised.

He told me that was a good thing and that I did really well. Then he tried it on me and his nails were just too sharp and he wasn't positive about what he was doing. I told him it felt good but it just may take some time for me to get there since it's different for girls.

     I'm considering walking away because my insecurities are getting the best of me, when I notice Denny walking over to me. He follows my line of vision and shakes his head at Sutter.

     Who still hasn't noticed me standing here or looked for me at all. And Ashley hasn't moved her freaking hand either.

     "I love the guy, but he's pretty blind if he doesn't see what he has in front of him." Denny says, like he's trying to reassure me.

     But all he does is make it worse, because he's Sutter's best friend, and has Sutter told him things about wanting to other girls? Why would he say that?