bittersweet / fillie

nothing i haven't seen before

update on the concert: i was able to go, and quick psa: WEAR DEODORANT.

also, would it be weird to start a new book and still write this one at the same time??

finn

it's been a few hours since they took dad into custody.

mom and i will have to go to court in a few months, and it doesn't bother me one bit.

i'll finally be able to throw that bastard in jail for a good decade, and hopefully he'll be dead by then. he's only 54, but still. i hope one of the other jail mates beat the shit out of him at least.

he fucking deserves it.

-

mom and i spent the rest of the day together. we went to get dinner, and we came home to watch movies.

i love my mom. even through tough times, we always stick together. it was never like that with dad and i. i don't really care though, because mom is a better person than he'll ever be.

i don't know what i'll tell millie, because i don't think she knows about things that happen at home with my family. it's never came up.

i don't know what happened to their dad, charlie doesn't like talking about it, and millie and i haven't really gotten that far yet. i hope we can though, because i really like her. i want to be there for her as much as possible.

millie

i haven't heard from finn all day.

charlie said that he heard a rumor about his dad getting arrested, but he didn't want to talk to finn about it because if it really did happen, he wanted to let finn tell him on his own time, when and if he's ready.

he made a good point, so i just went with that and did the same thing. i continued to wonder why his dad would get arrested, and it are at me the rest of the day.

-

it was already 10pm and i was contemplating texting finn. nothing about the rumors, just maybe a goodnight text.

i whispered "screw it" to myself and typed away. i typed a 'goodnight;)' and hit 'send.'

i bit at my nails waiting for a reply. i shrugged it off and convinced myself that he was probably sleeping.

if i'm being honest, things have been just a little awkward since the last time we had a little 'make out sesh.' it was only yesterday, but it felt like forever ago.

are we a couple? are we friends with benefits? what are we??

the thought drives me crazy.

a 'ding' coming from my phone makes me jump, snapping my head at the lit up phone. i snatch it from my nightstand and look at the new notification.

i take a sigh of relief as finns name pops up on the screen above the text message.

'goodnight :) sweet dreams mills.'

i smile at the message, teeth and all, letting my heart fill with joy at the four letter text. it's just the feeling that i get with him, that i just can't explain.

i lay back down on my bed, setting my phone back on its charger and on my nightstand. i stare up stare up at the ceiling, my mind running back to the unanswered questions about the 'rumors.'

i shrug them off, and force myself to sleep.

-

i'm planning on going to finns today, just to talk about everything that happened.

it's about noon, and charlie and i just got done with grocery shopping. we like to go early in the morning, because it's not as busy, and we love talking to the old people who go there at 9 or 10am.

i take a quick shower and change into a cropped fitted black long sleeve shirt and high waisted black skinny jeans. there's only about an inch of skin between my jeans and my shirt, showing just a tad of my stomach. after i brush my hair, parting it in the middle, i blow dry it. i slide on my black on black converse and head out the door, an unlit cigarette dangling between my lips.

i get in my car, lighting my cigarette. as i drive, i roll down the window, letting out the smoke that filled my lungs.

i reach finns house, and as i roll into the driveway, i remember that i forgot to tell him i was coming over.

i walk up to the door, ringing the doorbell. the door soon swings open finn standing there with his messy curls and no shirt, staring in confusion.

"hey uh, sorry i didn't text you, i wasn't thinking about it." i say.
"oh no that's fine. c-come in." he gestures for me to come in, and i walk in past him.

"i'll be right back." he runs up the stairs, leaving me standing there. i take a look around, seeing an older looking tv and empty beer bottles on the wooden coffee table. there is a picture of two little boys both with dark curly hair laughing at whatever that hung on the wall above it, and i smile, knowing that it's finn and who i'm assuming is his brother.

"sorry about that." he walks down the stairs, pulling a shirt over his head.
"no big deal. nothing i haven't seen before."

jesus millie. way to make it awkward.

i scrunch my face up at my own words, and he blushes and lightly laughs.

"my mom isn't home, but she'll be here in about an hour if you want to meet her." he shatters the awkward silence, causing me to take a breath of relief.

"of course." i finally say.
"sooo what's up?" he asks, sitting down on the couch. i walk over to him, sitting down.
"well, charlie said he heard rumors...about your dad?" i carefully choose my words.
he freezes, and i automatically regret asking the question.
"um. yeah. uh...what did they say?...you know, the rumors?" he looks painfully uncomfortable, and i start to feel really bad.
"i'm sorry, i didn't mean to-"
"no what did they say?" he cuts me off.
"charlie said that he heard that your dad got arrested or something like that?" i try to act a little oblivious, but he doesn't buy it.
"it's true." he blurts out. i try to hide my surprise in his reply.
"oh...what happened?" i ask.
"i don't really want to talk about it. is that okay?" he asks.
"yes totally, whenever you're ready." i assure him.

he nods, looking down.

i lean forward, and kiss his cheek. his face turns a dark pink and i giggle a little at the sight.

he leans in again, but kisses my lips. i kiss back, cupping his cheek with the palm of my hand. i pull away, and trace his cheek with my thumb, looking into his chocolate brown eyes.

god, this boy.