millie
it's been two days, and nothing from finn.
no 'i'm sorry,' or 'can we talk about what happened?'
charlie and i haven't left the house since then, we've been watching old movies and eating junk food and smoking cigarettes. mom doesn't care what we do anymore.
"how are you holding up?" charlie asks me, as he raises his cigarette to his lips. we're sitting on the porch on the swing rocking back and forth as we watch the pouring rain. my head rests on his shoulder, looking out onto the yard.
"i don't know." i say. it's true, i feel numb.
he kisses the top of my head, then rests his head on top of mine. i love charlie. he's not just my brother, he's my best friend. i couldn't ask for anyone better.
"i think i want to go to finns again. i mean, what else do i have to lose?" i say. i really do want to. i'm not one of those girls who wait for a fake explanation. i need answers, and i need them now. real answers.
-
after i get out of the shower, i change into a pair of distressed black mom jean high waisted shorts, with a black belt and black tights underneath. i pull on an oversized dark grey knitted sweater, along with black combat boots. i leave my hair down parted in the middle, like always.
charlie and i get to finns, and his moms car is in the driveway this time.
"do you want me to wait for you?" charlie asks.
"no. if i need you, i'll call you."
he nods, and i get out of the car, making my way up to the front door. i knock, and the door opens almost immediately.
"oh millie, hi! it's so nice to see you!" finns mom, karen, is a really nice person. she seems a little off, but aren't we all?
"hi mrs. wolfhard. is finn here by any chance?" i ask.
"oh no him and iris went out to dinner, they'll probably be back in about 20 minuets or so, he just texted me actually. would you like to come in?" she asks.
i pull on a fake smile and nod. i step into the house, it's a lot neater than the last time i saw it.
"would you like some coffee?" she asks sweetly.
"oh sure." i reply awkwardly. i sit down at the island as she hands me the mug.
-
we mostly talked about colleges, politics, and good places to shop for clothes. i'm becoming more comfortable around her, and i don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
i hear the front door open and a small giggle and muffled words. my heart races. finn and iris walk into the kitchen hand in hand, both of their smiles dropping when they see me. finn has a black eye and a busted lip.
"what are you doing here?" iris asks, looking at me up and down. finns eyes don't leave mine. i don't even acknowledge iris's comment.
"finn can we talk?" i say, then i look over at iris. "in private?"
"whatever you need to say to me, you can say to her too." he says, standing up straight.
"okay then forget it." i scoff, and start to walk away. i stop when finn grabs my arm.
"okay fine." he says. he turns to iris and whispers something in her ear, as i cross my arms impatiently. i couldn't make out what he said, and that made me angry.
she pulls away, and shoots him a wink and blows him a kiss, walking away. he takes my wrist and we head up the stairs. we reach his room, and he closes the door, facing me.
"okay, what?" he asks.
"you know what." i say, crossing my arms again.
"i really don't." he says.
"uh, yeah you do." i say, becoming impatient yet again.
he rolls his eyes at me.
"what am i to you?" i ask, my voice becoming softer. my eyes starting to well up.
he looks at me, without answering.
"was i just a hit and run?" i ask, hurt clear in my voice.
he looks down, still silent.
he shakes his head, pressing his lips together.
"then what was it? were we even an item? or was i just-"
"i can't talk about this right now." he cuts me off, heading for the door. i grab his arm, pulling him towards me. i'm crying now, and he stops to look at me.
"please." i say more as a statement, with a shaky voice. he gives in, and turns to me again.
"the truth is..." he starts, then looks down.
"i can't love you." he finishes.
love?
"why?" i ask.
"because-" he sighs, looking back up at me.
"we're just not fit for each other. we're both so fucked up in our own ways that we'll end up hurting each other."
i look deep into his eyes.
"aren't we all?" i say.
he shrugs, and i shake my head.
"you can't just keep running away from your problems, finn." i say.
"i know but-"
"no, you don't know. i can't stand being without you." i cut him off, my voice choking up.
he gives a weak smile, and i do the same.
his arms open and he pulls me into a hug. i take in his scent, and i automatically feel calm. i pull away, and without hesitation, my lips lock with his.
i swarm with butterflies as i feel the passion between us. i've never felt this before.
and i want more.
his hand cups my cheek, and he pulls away. his face is burning red, and so is mine. he rests his forehead on mine, and we smile uncontrollably.
i think i love him.
-
we walk back downstairs, and iris looks furious. her arms are crossed and her leg is out, like a little diva queen.
"what took you two so long?" she asks, and i roll my eyes.
"can we talk?" finn asks, taking her hand and pulling her into the kitchen. a look of confusion is quickly painted onto her face as they walk away.
-
a few moments pass, and i hear yelling.
"just listen to me!" finn yells.
"no! you're a cheater!" iris fires back.
"and you're not?!" finn screams, and i hear a slap.
"what the fuck?!" finn yells in confusion and anger.
next, iris storms out of the kitchen, giving me a glare, and walks out the front door. i run into the kitchen, and finn stands leaning on the island, cupping his cheek, and making a face.
i walk over to the fridge, and grab a small blue ice pack from the freezer. i walk back over to finn, pulling his hand away from his face where a big red patch is. i place the ice pack on it, and smile at him. he smiles back, placing his hand on top of mine.
yeah, i love him.
____
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YOU ARE READING
bittersweet / fillie
Fanfiction"we're just not fit for each other. we're both so fucked up in our own ways that we'll end up hurting each other." i look deep into his eyes. "aren't we all?" i say.
