mamma mia | jeremy jordan

5. closing

Like he had expected, Jeremy's positive attitude was diminished as soon as he and Ben arrived at the theater. He practically stomped up the steps and locked his dressing room door behind him. Jeremy didn't want to, but he cried. He cried harder than had at all in the past three weeks.

Ben knocked on the door lightly, urging Jeremy to open up and talk to him. Jeremy refused. He knew he was feeling the extra effects of loneliness lately, but Ben was not the person whom he wanted to fill that space.

He needed something more, the thing that Ashley had given him up until he had become an infidel.

Jeremy leaned up against his door, wiping at the tears upon his face. He knew Ben was still there, for Jeremy could hear the creaking of the floor as Ben paced.

"Ben?" Jeremy spoke hoarsely, his knuckles lightly tapping on the wooden frame.

"Yeah?" Ben frantically leaned his ear up against the door.

"Never mind about tonight." Jeremy held his breath before letting it all out in an exasperated sigh.

Ben stepped back from the door and left Jeremy with silence as his answer. Ben had reached the final point in his patience. He could never longer let himself keep worrying about Jeremy. And, though he knew he would constantly be anxious about it, he was not going to reproach the situation. He was done.

Jeremy did not want to fall back into the drinking patterns he'd been dealing with for months now. But, he knew that doing so would be the only way that he could push away the sadness settling back into his soul. He came to a happy-medium, and decided that going to the bar and having one drink couldn't do much damage.

As he got ready for the show, Ashley's face replayed his mind over and over again: first her expression the night she confronted him about Jeremy cheating him. Then, the facial features she held today. They were completely different. The former had been one of betrayal and heartbreak, with the lines of her face dropped dark and her lips frowning deeply. Tears had been streaming down her face as she screamed and threw her wedding ring at him.

The latter face was taught and glaring. She was completely over him because she knew that he never loved her if Jeremy had cheated. So, she'd repaired herself, Jeremy didn't know how he felt about that. He knew that he hadn't have cheated on her if he truly loved her, but he still felt like he had done so enough to marry her.

When the second show of the day was over, Jeremy retreated to the bar. He didn't drink, because he knew he would only feel worse the next morning and that the alcohol had started to effect his voice.

He instead sat idly, sipping from a glass of water as he scowled for some girl who was looking for a one night stand. What Jeremy truly wanted was the girl from the coffee shop. Maybe only in a romantic manner, maybe not at all. He couldn't tell what he had felt earlier upon bumping into her.

All he knew was that she seemed to be one of the best people you could ever know.

As her face continued to strike across his mind, unraveling in place of Ashley's, Jeremy found himself reaching for his phone. He went to look upon Ashley's profile on his Instagram, but she had blocked him. Reasonable, he glowered.

Jeremy remembered Laura had been sitting across the pair at the coffee shop that morning, so he checked her page. Sure enough, a full photo of the beautiful girl was the last thing Laura had posted. Jeremy sat there, admiring every crevice of the photo with a smile tugging at his face. He clicked on her username and instantly followed her.

He hoped it didn't seem creepy.

Jeremy shut his phone off and decided it would be best to go home instead of sitting there with nothing but his saddening thoughts. The only thing that kept him up on his toes was Anastasia Devit's face.