mamma mia | jeremy jordan

21. the situation

"No-!" Ana pushed Jeremy away from her by his shoulders. She stumbled off of the bar stool, barely landing on her feet.

"What-?"

"No." Ana ran a hand through her hair, but it was stopped by a huge tangle halfway through. "No. We can't keep doing this, okay? It's wrong. It's wrong of you, because you're getting divorced and it would be courteous of you to respect your wife until you're legally separated. And it's wrong of me because Ashley is my friend! And she still loves you, Jeremy. She's still completely in love with you-"

"You don't think I know that, Ana? You don't think I'm ashamed or upset with myself for what I've done? For what I do? Yeah, it sucks, a lot. But i can't take back what I did, what I'm doing, and neither can you." Jeremy stops from the stool, reaching out to grasp her shoulder.

Ana shrugged him off of her, "I don't care, Jeremy. I can't keep doing it. I just feel shittier and shittier every time we do something because of the guilt."

"Yeah, I do, too," Jeremy murmured.

Ana took a deep breath and crossed her arms, "So here's what's gonna happen: I'm blocking you on iMessage until your divorce is finalized. In the meantime, I'm going to think about it and, who knows, maybe I'll want to get back to it when it's all over. Okay?"

Jeremy shrugged, already moving towards the door. "It'll be just as bad if you do it then compared to now. You're just wasting time-"

"Jeremy, please. You have to understand that this has been tearing me apart. I can't keep going on like this. Please, just leave," she held open the door for him.

He hesitated before one of his feet moved forwards. Jeremy paused and turned towards Ana once more. He leaned into her and kissed her cheek gently.

"I'm sorry."

Ana shut the door softly behind him, leaning against it with a frown. She, eventually, made her way back to bed.

Ben, who still had not woken up, welcomed her back into his arms with a hum. She struggled but she found her way back into sleep.

–

When they woke up, together this time, Ben laughed at his hoodie hanging low on Ana.

"Don't make fun of me just because you're freakishly tall," she tossed one of her throw pillows at him as they worked to make her bed.

He threw it back, "I'm not freakishly anything. You're freakishly short."

Ana rolled her eyes, "That's it-"

She hopped up onto her bed and grabbed Ben around his shoulders. She pulled him down, but he resisted and pulled her up into his arms. Ana giggled as he did so.

"Did you really think you could bring me down? I'm twice your size." Ben dropped Ana onto the bed.

She huffed, made a comment about how he was a "meanie," and they finished making the bed. Ben helped Ana cook a late lunch that consisted of ham sandwiches and chicken noodle soup.

When they were done, Ana washed the doors and Ben dried and put them away. He sang her song all the while and, as she directed him where things went, he added his own little choreographed dance moves.

They sat down on the couch together and Ana found herself involuntarily curling into his side. It felt good to finally be affectionate with someone and not have to hide it.

They talked for awhile about work and the fact that Newsies had closed yesterday. Ana couldn't help but wonder how Jeremy was coping and, all the while, Ben was rambling on about how sad he'd been when he bowed for his final time.

Ana coaxed him with sweet words, her mind, nevertheless, picturing Jeremy there beside her.

Ana and Ben spent the rest of the day like this, cuddled up on the couch, eventually watching television, and reveling in each other's warmth.

It wasn't until late when Ana realized why she'd invited Ben over.

"I hope it isn't inappropriate, but can I talk to you about the whole Jeremy situation?" Ana turned to Ben, her knees folding up beneath her.

Ben withheld a loud huff and turned down the tv, "Sure, anything."

Ana fumbled with her fingers, staring at the chipped polish of her thumb nail, "It's just, so stressful, ya know? Having no one to go to when I need to cry or I just need a hug because if Laura knew, she would most likely kick me out. I mean, she pays for 3/4's of the tent, and the entire thing when I can't, so she'd have the power to do it. And she's known Ashley longer than she's known me, so I would understand why she'd choose her. And, speaking of Ashley, I just feel so guilty all the time, which is why I want to cry. I know, I barely know her and we're not even that good of friends, but when she told us the other night that she still loves Jeremy, I jus-"

Ben had became fed up with Ana rambling on about the stupidity of Jeremy's situation, so he kissed her.