mamma mia | jeremy jordan

19. empty days

the end of the last chapter was changed slightly ❤️

—

The rest of the last night of their vacation was spent on the couch of the cottage, Ashley sprawled across Laura's lap, a wine cooler in her right fist and tissues in the other. She was blubbering on and on about how much she missed Jeremy, and how she'd been holding in her feelings this entire time because she was supposed to be mad at him.

In reality, she didn't want to get divorced. She wanted him to move back home, for them to return to the perfect little family they were becoming.

When she passed out and Laura excused herself to the bathroom in order to shower, Ana slipped on her shoes and shuffled down the steps to the beach. She huddled up underneath a blanket on the cold sand, the water illuminated by a street lamp that the owners of the cottage had installed.

Ana felt even more guilty than she had before. She wished she could take back the first time they ever even ran into each other at the coffee shop. She wished she would have made herself wash her hands a second longer, wished she would have looked up instead of at her feet when she walked out of the restroom.

She wished Jeremy had never even been in the in the first place.

Ana was in dire need of someone to to hold her and let her cry for a few hours. She needed a good bottle of red wine, a thick, warm blanket, and a friend.

Soon enough, Ana trudged back to the cottage and fell asleep. The next morning dragged on, but they were back home and, before she knew it, she had to go into work. Her boss had decided to schedule her for a nine-hour evening shift, the day she returned from vacation.

At the end of it, her feet ached, tears were prickling at her eyes, and her head was pounding. Ana stripped down to her underwear as soon as she stepped into her bedroom at midnight.

She collapsed on her bed and slung an arm over her eyes. Ana immediately began sobbing.

Her phone rang, but she couldn't hear it over the shaking of her shoulders and dry cried emitting from her wet lips.

After three missed calls, Jeremy threw his phone onto his bed. He ran a hand through his already wild hair, pacing back and forth across his bedroom.

He knew it was pretty selfish of him to tell Ana they couldn't see each other anymore and then wish she would answer her phone so that he could invite her over. But, after the day he'd had, he needed her warmth more than ever.

Ashley arrived to his apartment, unannounced, at five pm. Her eyes were red, and her skin was blotchy from obviously profuse amounts of tears. She clutched onto his arms, begging him to reconsider a divorce.

She, for whatever reason, apologized to him for leaving, even though he knew very well she left for a good reason. Jeremy didn't want to pls the victim: he knew he never had been.

But she wanted him to be.

He managed to shrug off her harsh grabs at his jean jacket and sat her down on his couch. He offered her water, tissues, but she refused the former and the latter. He sat next to her, far on the other end of the couch as she cried into her fists.

A couple of minutes of silence passed between them before she hiccuped and spoke, "When did you stop wanting me?"

Jeremy sighed, leaning forward, "I don't know. I, don't know."

"Why? I loved you, Jeremy," she exclaimed. "I gave and i gave and I gave, and you just took my heart and ripped it out my chest and mushed it up."

"I know," Jeremy replied, "I guess I just fell out of love. I'm sorry-"

"No, you don't just fall out of love. I know I didn't, I don't know if I ever will."

"Then I guess I never loved you."

—

The entire week afterwards passed by so quickly that the characters had lost track of time. Laura had forgotten about Ana's lie of Jeremy needing new headshots, and Ashley tried her best to sign the divorce papers.

Ana and Jeremy had talked on the phone once. He begged her to come over, to see him, but she denied him.

She felt too guilty, an emotion the chemicals in her brain were working extra hard in crafting these days.

On Saturday evening, at approximately four pm, Ana exited out of Instagram and accidentally opened the phone calling app.

Her eyes grazed over the names listed from whence she called them. Jeremy was the most recent, with Laura directly behind him, Ashley in third, and Ben in last place.

Ana's mother's number and her brothers were listed as well, but they weren't what she needed.

Right now, she needed Ben.

She pressed on his number and held the device loosely up to her ear. He answered within seconds, "Hey, Ana. I can't talk for long because intermission just started. But what's up?"

"Can I come over? After the show, I mean." Ana bit down in her nail, hoping he would okay her idea.

Ben replied, "Why don't I just come over there on my way home from the theater? I could stay the night, if that's okay."

Ana didn't know what was exactly meant by him staying the night, but at that moment, she didn't care if he wanted to sleep with her or eat all of the ice cream in her freezer.

"See you then."