mamma mia | jeremy jordan

31. ignore it

After Jeremy left, Ana went to bed in a better mood than she'd been in the entire day. It was an entirely happy state of mind, but it was a phantom smile still laying in her eyes, creating age lines in her forehead.

The next morning, she woke up just the same with plans to take the day for herself. It was nearly 8 AM by the time she was up and ready to leave the apartment, dressed in leggings, a sweatshirt, and moccasins.

Ana spent the morning shopping in Upper Manhattan. When lunch time rolled around, she went to the grocery store a block from her apartment and bought enough food to last her the next week. She had been eating out way too much and was beginning to see the effect it was having on her hips and thighs.

Ana ate lunch at the kitchen island over a book that she had been meaning to read for the past week. She spent the rest of the day inside, moving around her bedroom furniture, cleaning the bathroom, watching more episodes of the original 90210 than she could count on her own two hands.

It was 6 PM when Laura walked through the front door, clad in workout clothing and a hoodie.

"Hey," Ana spoke up from the couch.

Laura was slipping off her tennis shoes, "Hey! Have you been home all day?"

Ana hummed a yes, "Well, I went shopping earlier. I got some groceries, too, mainly enough for two-person meals, so help yourself to anything."

"Except your fruit snacks?" Laura winked at Ana as she walked into the kitchen to rinse out her water bottle.

"Except for those, yeah," Ana giggled.

It wasn't long before Laura had to leave again for yet another date night. Before she walked out the door, Laura hesitated in it's frame. She peered into the living room and watched Ana flick past another page in her book. Laura sighed, fighting with herself to not say what she had to.

"Ana?" Her lips parted, "Can I talk to you real quick?"

Ana stuck her thumb between the pages of her book, "Yeah, sure. What's up?"

Laura shuffled into the room and sat on the edge of the chair across from the couch. "I don't really know how to say this, but- I know."

"What?" Ana squinted her eyes, "Know what?"

"I know about him, about Jeremy."

Ana's stomach twisted with panic and her face felt hot all of a sudden, "What- what do you know about him?"

"I know about you guys," Laura wrung her hands in her lap, "I saw him leave the apartment last night. And I've seen the two of you getting lunch and dinner constantly. Ashley had said he was seeing someone a few months when the divorce was being finalized, and I kind of pieced together all of the clues from the past few months."

Ana had no clue what to say in response. All she could stutter out was, "What?"

"Listen, Ana, you know I love you and I support you, but if you're going to cheat on Ben, I don't- don't know if I can support that."

Laura titled her head, awaiting Ana to say something. After a while, she did, "I'm not seeing him. I haven't been seeing him since- since we went on that trip. We're just frien-"

"Please, don't lie to me, Ana," Laura brushed her hair behind her ear nervously, "I want to be there for you, to help you out of this mess you've made. But I can't do that if you're going to lie again."

Ana felt utterly betrayed by her mouth and her best friend. "Laura, please, I'm not ly-"

"Ana, you've been lying since six months ago. I know you're lying now. Please, Ana, just tell me the truth."

Ana thought long and hard before finally making eye contact with Laura, "You want to know the truth? Okay. Yes, Jeremy and I were seeing each other six months ago. We never did anything more than sleep together during that time. I never let it leave his apartment. I was ashamed and guilty, but it was before I even knew Ashley, so I kept telling myself it was okay. We stopped seeing each other during the trip we took to Geneva because it was illegal for us to be together while his divorce hadn't been finalized. Three months ago, I went over to his apartment to see if he was still living. Then, I helped him get back on his feet, a new manager, get rid of his eviction notice. Since then, we've been going out for food together because now we're friends. Just friends."

Laura took a deep breath and let it out as she rolled back her shoulders. She flicked her eyebrows with slight shock, "Well."

"Well?" Ana crossed her arms. She was indefinitely proud of herself for actually sticking up for her body for once.

"It's just," Laura licked her lips, "the way you two looked at each other when I saw you the other day convinced me that you were on a date or something."

The heat that was resting on Ana's face intensified, "Oh?"

"And you don't look at Ben like that."

Ana went into autopilot upon hearing this. She knew that Laura was apologizing, that Ana was accepting this apology, and hugging her best friend out the door, and plopping back down onto the couch.

Ana touched her cheek, feeling slow tears burn bridges across her lips. She parted them as a silent sob slipped through.

Her mind was blank, but full of a million thoughts.

Could it really be true? The one thing that was keeping her from being truly happy was this boy she thought she was supposed to love more than anything?

That it was his best friend she was supposed to be with?

It couldn't be.

It was wrong, rude, awful. It was an awful thing for her to do, let alone think about.

No, she would just have to stay with Ben, ignore those feelings that had been welling up in her eyes for nearly a year now.

Ignore it and everything would be okay.