Deer in the headlights (Zak Bagans story)

First moon alone

Georgia -

I wasn't comfortable with the feeling of isolation, loneliness. I guess I wasn't use to it, no that's a lie. I was always alone and it was the past few days that had left me feeling occupied and complete. I pined for a particular touch, a particular scent and voice but I had a gut feeling that I'd never feel, smell or hear them things again. Never before had I felt what I was feeling, at that time. My stomach felt knotted and heavy, I lost my appetite completely and I forgot how to smile.

Sarah said that I definitely wasn't myself but she never knew the reason why. I knew that. I wasn't going to allow myself to forget his face, I just couldn't. But time was leaving me without a choice, forgetting him wasn't an option, I had a business to run.

Zak -

We had been to a lot of locations since we left England. A lot of meetings, parties, social gatherings, charity events and so forth and still, I couldn't stop thinking of the woman I'd grown to love so much. For the first time in my life I came to terms with my feelings for her, I'd never been a believer in 'love at first sight' but I was living it, it happened to me. The guys were beginning to notice my odd behaviour. Nick even dragged me to the doctor's to test for depression but I knew what was making me like this and I knew how to stop it. I also knew that I wasn't able to solve this issue my way, so the only other way was to forget her; which was easier said than done.

Nick was due to come round and discuss our next locations with me. So as I waited in my garden, enjoying nature at her best, I started thinking about the decision I'd made. 'What if I had stayed with Georgia? Would I drop my tools to be with her? What if it didn't work out and I lost everything?' I was beginning to think logically. Perhaps Nick had finally convinced me to move on. The thought of forgetting the best moments in your life was somewhat draining and like a kid at the park, I just didn't want to leave. It was alright forgetting my past in my waken state but as soon as I slept or even started daydreaming, pictures of her face would just overtake my subconscious. As I was thinking all about this, I was daydreaming, staring into the distance.

"Zak man, I've been shouting you. What you doing just standing there" Nick stood with his keys in one hand and a laptop in the other. His face was frozen. I looked down at my feet. "I don't remember walking here" I was genuinely confused. "Dude why've you got your passport in your hand? You going somewhere?" Nick interrogated. His eyes began to squint as he awaited my response. I just shrugged. "Anyway I've spoken with Jeff and he's sent me an awesome list of locations from the house of George Washington to the actual castle that Vlad the impaler was held prisoner in. I reckon there'd be some creepy shit going on there!" He whipped open the laptop and frantically scrolled through the list of locations. His eyes started flicking left and right as he was reading the history of all the dark destinations. One caught my attention "wait, go back to the Europe category. Yeah stop there" I started reading. "You looking at the one I think you're looking at? The one with satanic worship?" Nick too, spotted the place with countless witness claims of apparitions and poltergeist activity. "Yeah. Hellfire caves. Where's that?" My heart started to race with excitement.

"Buckinghamshire? Wait. That's England. It's in England!" Nick's voice got louder.

"What as in the UK, England?"

"Well what other England do you know of?" He laughed at my mild stupidity. I didn't care. I was going back to England and nothing could have pleased me more. "But there's one problem" Nick's face dropped as he carried on reading "they're booked up for a long time. We could be waiting at least 6 months for a slot, possibly 12." These were the words I was not willing to accept easily. "Then we'll wait. Keep trying them. If we have to pay extra, we'll pay extra!"

"But Zak, the cost of flights with equipment and-" I never allowed him to finish "Nick, I don't give a fuck. We're going to England!".

Two days later, Nick called me." Zak we can't afford the costs for the investigation in England not since the last trip there. We-" he went silent on the phone "Nick?" I could hear him typing and clicking. "The money has…"

"What? Nick you're breaking up"

"We've had the money refunded. Georgia's sent us our money back!" As soon as he said her name, my throat tightened.

"Does that mean-"

"I don't know yet, Zak. I'll keep trying them. I'll call you back if I get anything" he hung up.