Deer in the headlights (Zak Bagans story)

A risk

Georgia -

No possible dictionary definition could ever express my craving and throb for Zak. As soon as my body recognised his voice, his smell and his pure sexiness, I was turned on to the max! He reminded me of the mysterious but complete sex God creatures that you find in bedroom fantasies. It was as if some strange chemical had been released in my body, a chemical that can only be released once in a lifetime and the effects are permanent.

I missed everything about that guy; his odd sense of humour, his passion for the things he loved most, his goofy inhale that he did whenever he laughed too hard, his unique stare, his massive hands that made you feel safe against the world, his rather large member that I had the pleasure of meeting and greeting (I smiled as the thought reoccurred) and the pure determination to fight for what ever he wanted. They say that if you can list five or more reasons why you should be with a guy, then it's the right thing to do. I found myself losing count. I had the mind of an adrenaline junky when he was in my presence. I just wanted to go wild and say 'Fuck it!' Scream it in fact. I sure did whimper and ache for him each and everyday that he was absent.

I feared history repeating itself. It had already been five days and so many hours since I was holding him, looking willingly into his eyes. I wasn't sure whether I could get use to the 'leave for a year and then turn up on the doorstep randomly' it was too risky and I wasn't going to risk getting my heart broken when the time came to him never showing up.

I guess that's what they call love.

I'd come so far in my career involving tourism, I'd reached my target funding. I originally planned to move abroad to Italy or maybe down under. I was free, unattached. I had no children, no restrictions to my job, no family to take care of, no nothing. But something was clearly too significant for me to just drop tools and go. I never paid a great deal of attention to my emotional restrictions. In that case, I was bound and tied with duct tape and thick ropes, held together with iron clamps and cannon ball chains to something so appealing… Zak.

I considered my situation, lucky. I could easily call off any ties via a long distance relationship unlike people like Sarah, who're stuck in a thick, mucusy trap. It was evident that her marriage was falling downhill and fast.

The whole Zak situation had really taken its toll on me to the point that I'd had to close the farm for a while until my mind was in a better place. I hadn't gone crazy, nor had I started writing psycho poems about a man out of my reach. I just began shutting myself off from the rest of society. Things just seemed pointless and each and every day was an effort. Staff still came in now and again to help clean but I never made a big deal about talking to them. One member in particular had to be dealt with.

A week after closing, I had finally found the strength to heave myself out of the miserable pit that I'd fallen in. There were only two people on site that day; Kim and Mike. The two of them were in staff quaters. As I trudged along the gravelled path, I spotted the two of them dart across separate sides of the room. They'd spotted me too, through the window. I gracefully opened the door as if I was oblivious to their behaviour. "Mike, it's about time we had that chat" I didn't look at him once, I made sure my body language was intimidating. Kim began shifting slightly in her seat, she could sense the awkward atmosphere. "I'll… just" she scurried past me, avoiding eye contact. I continued "So, Mike, please do tell me about your promotion" I pulled out a chair but sat on the table. He was silent, twiddling his thumbs "promotion? I'm not aware of a promotion" his forehead started to gloss with sweat.

"Well it has come to my attention that you're of higher authority but this is a recent adjustment. Am I wrong?" I peeked down at him.

"You've misunderstood something" he rolled his eyes pathetically. My blood began to boil as I listened to his ignorance "Then why do you find it acceptable to question my actions!? Are you superior to the other staff members!?" My voice was cracking from the projected volume. He hadn't said a word, he just kept looking at his hands. "I'm giving you one hour to pack your things and get the fuck out of my face!!!" My hands were shaking with anger.