Fixing Me ~ Markiplier x Reader

Scars

It has been a week since i made that promise to Mark and to myself. I will recover. I will.
Or so i thought...

"God, you are just stuck feeling shit. And you do nothing to help yourself. Other people go through this too, you aren't the only fucking one!!" She yells. "It's like you want to be this sad and miserable girl, that no one can EVER help! Because that is what it looks like you are doing, 'oh look, I'm sad!' Seriously. I love you but fuck, you want to get better? Do you?!"
I am left dumbfounded. And hurt.
Maybe she is right... Maybe i should just stop trying, because maybe i won't get better. Maybe I can't.

And that is what happened. Yesterday. When I have been clean from it this weak, my scar just reopened.
Flashback-
I laughed at Jack, as we gamed together.
"So, you like Mark?" He grins.
"Yeah, whatever smartass." I roll my eyes, humming to Chop Suey.
Jack just grins as we keep gaming.
I put my hand out, after a couple of minutes of us yelling at each other. My bracelets on but no jacket, i knew Jack wouldn't stare non stop. Guess he is use to my arms and i guess i am use to him. He is one of my best friends now.
"Ah!" I yelp, loud. "Fuck!"
I notice my arm start bleeding and Jack looks over.
"Shit Y/n!" He stands up, going out to find something.
"Jack, it is fine! Breathe." I call and start to head to my room, i find some semi strips and a bandage, i walk into my bathroom and turn the sink tap on. Letting it run over it.
"It isn't the first time this has happened." I shrug as Jack walks in, worried.
"Okay... are you sure you don't have to get stitches or-"
"Jackaboy, i am fine." I laugh, wrapping the bandage around it. "All fixed."
Jack just simply smiles. "You shouldn't be in this pain, you don't deserve it..."
Flashback Over-

And now here I am. Feeling hurt.
Hurt. Lost. Alone.
Disgusting.
Disappointment.
Worthless.
I stand up, it is like i am not even controlling my own legs or body.
Flashback-
"Jack and you would be amazing together so shut the fuck up!" I laugh, as we walk down the street.
My sleeves begins to roll up, but i don't realize until...
"Y/n, what is that?!" She says and grabs my arm "Did you..?"
"No- It reopened a day or so ago." I shrug.
"Really? If you would just tell me the truth, i wouldn't mind but stop making excuses!"
Flashback Over-
Then it went to what she said about me not wanting to get better. And it hurt me. Alot. I think her and Jack had a fight about it too, and Mark still doesn't know. He will find out eventually, hopefully from me. And while i wish we kissed that night after the promise. We didn't. We didn't do anything really, he dropped me home, walked me to the door when all i wanted was to kiss him but i can't bring myself to do it, ever again. He just simply watched as i got into the house and i waved him bye.
(Just disected an eye.... im writing this througj my day)
That is all.
I get to the bathroom, staring at the razor. I had thrown away most of them. But not all of them yet. I pick it up, and walk out, sitting on the ground, i lean my back on the side of my bed. I roll up my sleeve, about to put it down but then Marks words come back to me.
"Make me a promise here tonight..."
Then all the feelings come flooding back, i throw the blade across the room.
"No!" I yell, before resting my head in my hands.
Soon after, i stand up and walk out of my room, grabbing my phone on the way. I put a song on, as i sit on the couch.
Scars - Saywecanfly begins. I sing it.
"Those scars on your wrists are the mark of the world
An ocean that's left you so torn
But remember the heart you brought into this world
The same one as when you were born..." i pause then continue "How confused you must be
Finding love in the blood that you bleed
But the truth is that I see
Why you say that 'it's hard to be me'..."
I look down at my wrists, scarred. Memories. Pain.
"And we all make mistakes
Its not you, but this world you should hate
You're as beautiful as you were yesterday."
Not from the cuts. But my pain.
"And those tears in your eyes are the product of lies..." I pause "You've been lead to believe that they're true
But remember the light you brought into this world."
It started of as something that was going to be a one time thing after i did it...
"I promise it will get you through"
Then again. And again.
"How confused you must be
Finding love in the blood that you bleed..."
Maybe I can't get better-
But the truth is that I see
Why you say that 'it's hard to be me'
And we all make mistakes
Maybe i can-
Its not you, but this world you should hate
But for now... this is my story.
You're as beautiful as you were yesterday~

First Chap down. Now, to deal with my last class for today.