"Just, stay calm. She will be happy to see you. And proud." Mark assures me as we pull up in his driveway.
Shaking still, I nod a little, taking a deep breath and playing with the rips that i cut into my jeans. We get out and Mark grasps my hand tightly, we walk together, my shaking getting worse as we walk closer and closer to the door. He squeezes my hand before opening the door with his other. It opens. And i feel my anxiety spike up...
"Jack!!" He yells and i jump, from the loud noise, being so anxious makes me jumpy. "Get your ass out here!"
Just then, Jack walks in, drinking a can of drink. He sees me and looks around before running up to embrace me and whispers in my ear.
"Leave. Now. B/n will be back in a second..."
Just then, i hear footsteps entering the room and all i want now is to run. And run fast. As realization hits me.
What if she doesn't want me? What if...?!
"Get out." I hear the familiar voice, but it is alot harsher then i wished it would be. "Now."
Jack has pulled away, as she continues to stare at me, glaring like i will just dissappear any second and i wish i would.
"I shouldn't of come here..."
"No, Y/n." Mark says, i turn to him as he continues "You shouldn't be here."
I try to comprehend what just happened... they all don't want me
"S-sorry..."
"No, you are not! Or you wouldn't be here! Get the fuck out!"
That is me. That is me with pills. And blades. No... no! Then, I see me in a casket, i gulp. Seeing Mark crying and the girl from the cafe, when she basically called me fat and Mark stormed out with me, cuddled in with him. Trying to comfort him. No... Please. It can't be... h-he loves me.
I wake up, shaking bad, tears falling from my eyes, scared. Mark jumps up from where he was on the bed, he looks worried as he turns to me.
"Heyy-heyy... It is okay..." He holds me in his arms, rubbing my side. "I am here... not for long."
That is when i truly wake up, but not as harsh as what you think. I just am sweaty and tears begin to fall, but i stand up even when the sleeping boy beside me tries to pull me back. I head to my bathroom, shutting the door. I look for my blade, not finding it so i find my emergency one. I grab it and start the shower, leaving it purely cold water. Tempted to leave all boiling hot but i look back to the blade, thinking it should be good enough. I strip off, before i get in the shower, and shutting the door. I let my body sink down to the cold floor, the water running down on my feet, which are placed over the drain. My knees up, my arm placed over it, showing my left wrists. Old scars. I take a deep shaky breath, letting the cool piece of metal be my relief.
TRIGGER WARNING. DONT READ IF YOU CANT.
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I let the blade meet my left wrist, pushing deeper on it, letting it cut heavy on my wrist. The blood soon meets the surface, and it starts to trickle down before i do another deep memory of pain. I bite my lip from pain, I make another cut, and another. Before i finally stop. Knowing i should. I lay my head back on the back wall, my arms fall down my sides. I feel blood trickle down my left wrist to my hand, and my right still clutches my blade. I start to feel tired, pushing it away. I take a deep breath, and stand up. I shower, letting the blood eventually stop bleeding and i get out.
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I put a bandage over it, and grab the jacket that was on the floor. I put on jeans, and retie my hair in a messy bun, before curling back into bed with Mark. Guilt washing over me.
I am a fuckup.
"Morning baby..." Mark says, as he wakes up.
I haven't slept since i did what i did, guilt still eating away at me. And regret, but the guilt makes me want to do it again.
I can't tell Mark.
"Morning."
I can't call him babe.
I don't deserve too.
"You alright?" He asks, and i know he regrets wording it like that, I try to push the guilt away and kiss him, before pulling away.
"Of course, why wouldn't i be?"
"Okay..." He sighs softly and kisses my cheek.
I am a fuckup.
This went different to what i planned.
**brofists** 👊
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Fixing Me ~ Markiplier x Reader
FanfictionBook 2 Of Broken Me. 2/3 ~~~ You made a promise to not harm yourself. Or try even harder but all recovery has relapses. But how will it work out when you have Mark, Jack and B/n with you every step of the way but you still push them away? Will you...
