Who knows what will happen.
Even I dont know
~
I grab the blade, mad at myself for even thinking I matter, I open my drawer for my spear one and finally find it. The cold piece of metal in my fingers, holding it, knowing that this is my sweet relief and always will be...
TRIGGER WARNING
"I am sorry..."
One cut
"For being me."
Two.
"For hurting you."
Three.
"For not being skinny."
Four.
"For not being pretty, or smart or anything..."
Five
"Anything worthy of the air that I breathe..."
Six.
I feel like I can't stop as I pull my long pants off and begin to bring pain to them as my arms bleed a little, but not alot.
"I am so over being here, but I keep holding on... Why?"
I slip into darkness, before being awoken by bright lights as sun floes in through my window, I try to stand up but yelp and hiss in pain as I look down and see my body cut at my thighs, wrists, ankles, stomach, hips and shoulders. I really made it up for being clean now... What have I done? Except, make myself a bloody and sore mess.
...Might as well shower...
TRIGGER WARNING OVER
(That was a memory)
(Was gonna do now, but...)
I take a deep breath, wanting all the pain and misery to end. I question why I am even here, and what my reason is to be here, or if I should just return back to where I do belong... Or is peace to good for me? I don’t know what to do anymore but I can't cope now. I need it all to stop... I want to be free from everything that I have ever felt or haven't felt. Nothing will stop me this time, nothing will keep me, nothing will make me want to stay in this hellhole.
-
I look around the hospital again, as I read and hear another person entering the short stay ward, I shrug it off, remembering when I have been here and was new to it. But this is my life now. If I am not at short stay, I am in hospital or in a mental health ward until I am safe...
That was before I had a therapist that I then stopped seeing after, but gladly am seeing someone like him. Along, with Mark.
-
I take a deep breath, walking into the waiting room for my first appointment, scared shitless to put it nicely. But I don't know how to make it sound so nice, so, that is it.
"Y/n, too see-"
I am glad to have gotten help... again, after all the years of none again even after leaving Mark for ages.
NOT A FLASHBACK- THESE ARE THOUGHTS
Because, I am getting better. I will face my recovery head on and I will get better because maybe, I do deserve happiness.
**brofists** 👊
YOU ARE READING
Fixing Me ~ Markiplier x Reader
FanfictieBook 2 Of Broken Me. 2/3 ~~~ You made a promise to not harm yourself. Or try even harder but all recovery has relapses. But how will it work out when you have Mark, Jack and B/n with you every step of the way but you still push them away? Will you...
