Both Sides Now.

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Flipping through the pages of my old moldy handed down text book from the early 70s I’m sat on my soft totally comfortable bed with fitted sheets and sleepy memories. Chemistry 12 is the worst! First semester I had Chem 11 and now we’re here I never get a break, but I guess that’s ok because I never have to take it again. The dark gloomy sky is completely saturated of bright colors and the only source of light is from the Crescent moon and billions of street lights and my lamp. My boom box is playing soft tunes and I’m beginning to wonder if it’s worth it? I mean I have a test worth 25% and I’m studying my hardest, but for what? A good grade? I’m wasting my life for school for a god forsaken test! It’s hopeless. I mean it’s like a surgery you can go in and the looming threat of death is above your shoulders watching as the surgeon cuts you open with a knife or you can come out of it recovering and ending up being in better shape then you were. You can go into a test with a 90 and come out with a 60. Or you can pass with a 100. That’s all I’m saying, it’s late around 1:30 and I have a test first period, as you can guess it’s for chemistry and I’m trying to cram 5 months of work into one night. It’s not even an exam more of a before exam, exam. Ok so here’s the thing on top of football and my friends I don’t have time for school. My friends being 3 amazing people. Luke Abby and Clint. Well there’s more then 3 like Quinn and Jen and a handful of carefully selected people. And I think I like Clint. More then like, like I know he’s straight and I know that he just likes me as a friend, but hot damn he’s amazing. And who knows maybe he feels the same way.

The sound of my alarm clock jolts me awake and I’m not even sure where I am. I smack the snooze button and sleep for a few more minutes because I need those extra 5 minutes. It can make or break my day! But like all good things it must come to an end. And I swing my warm soft comfortable feet onto the cold harsh and unpleasant wooden floor. Maybe if I wore socks it would make the experience better but athlete’s foot isn’t that pleasant and If I wore socks I’d never wake up.

Walking sluggishly to the bathroom  I look in the mirror. Messy brown hair ocean blue eyes and an ovular face and a few birthmarks here and there, but that’s it. I’m pretty basic when it comes to myself. I mean when I get nervous I get a stutter and I guess I have cool eyebrows and I’m not exactly on the skinny side of body types but besides that I’m pretty normal. As normal as a gay person can be. Yep I forgot to mention that but here we are. And what’s worst I’m not out I’m almost 17 and I haven’t had the guts to say it. But it could be worst I could be living in the 40s when war was the main priority and I would be thrown into prison just for being me but the 90s aren’t exactly gay friendly either. Well 1998 to be exact. I mean sure a few people are out. A extremely feminine guy named Dwight that I think everyone knew was gay ever since he came out of the womb. And a bad ass lesbian called Brianna. She’s the type of person to own a motorcycle and wear leather jackets and get a lip ring. Actually I think she has all of those things. Anyways they get in shit on the daily I mean I don’t exactly know what Brianna experiences because she’s a girl and I’ve never had the urge to go into the girls changing rooms to snoop on conversations or to see a girl in a bra, but I do know Dwight gets in serious shit. Pushed in lockers and I think he even got spit on once. It’s not right obviously anyone can see that but nobody stands up for him. I don’t know what it means for me as a person but I think it means I’m a bad person. Also he’s a twin! I mean I think he is, his brother’s pretty hot he’s a stoner and I had a crush on him in grade 10. But now he’s dating some girl that wears black.

Getting out of the shower I dry my forever messy brown hair and brush my teeth the taste of mint exploding in my mouth. Walking out unshaven and in my underwear I enter my enclosed bedroom. When I hear a vibration sound on my nightstand. Picking it up with the hopes that it’s something or someone life changing, but no it’s Abby. I answer it expecting her to say that I don’t need to pick her up, but it’s quite the opposite because apparently I spent too long in the shower and I have 10 minutes to get to her house and Luke’s to get to school on time. Throwing on a pair of pants that fit perfectly I explode into the rainy weather. Going back into my house I grab a small bomber jacket that doesn’t hide how nice it really is but still protects me from the may rain. I hope we have time for coffee. I get them coffee everyday, I mean Ive got a job and I don’t have to pay a single bill so I have a little bit of spending money, and I need coffee in me to function properly. My dad’s in the kitchen making toast when I head to the door my book bag on one shoulder. Him and my mom work full time jobs and I love em, but they’d never understand.

Pulling out of my cracked driveway I drive a good 2 minutes to the best coffee place in town it’s called the cold brew even though nobody calls it that, we just got into the habit of calling it the coffee shop, and well I love it. The lines hellishly long today and I thing Abby’s gonna bite my ass for being late but I think an iced coffee will sooth her fury. It’s that strange time in the year where summer is creeping closer and the warm weather with it, and coffee just gets too hot, but it’s not one of those days. It’s a rainy Moncton day with slightly chilly winds and scolding hot bean juice is exactly what you need to deal with this kind of weather. Grabbing the drinks from an extremely attractive barista I pull out of the coffee shop and to Abby’s house. I think it might be a duplex? I’m not too sure but she’s wearing a button up with a skirt it’s freaking raining out what is she doing? I think passing her a drink.
“Hey Tom,” she says and her voice is like soft butter it’s actually amazing.
“Hey!” I say and I’m off to Luke’s. My best friend for who knows how long…ok I know how long 12 years almost 13 and all because we got placed in the same kindergarten class. We were each others first friends.
He’s waiting outside rooky mistake because he’s using his book bag as an umbrella. Climbing into the backseat Abby passes him his burning black coffee. He’s a weirdo who likes black coffee and I’m a weirdo because I like triple triples. Everybody wants to rule the world begins to play on the radio. It was turned down barley audible because nobody wants to hear how much rain we’re supposed to get, but Abby caught the slight tune and turned the nozzle from 10 to 30. We’re caught all singing and enjoying the moment when Abby points out my patchy beard that I wasn’t going to shave but I probably should have.
“I mean I could have shaved if you didn’t call me.”
“If I didn’t call you we probably wouldn’t be here right now,” I mean she has a point. I give her a smile and pull into the school parking lot. It looks like the bell hasn’t gone yet because mass amounts of kids are outside having individual conversations about the party they went to last week or how they can’t keep a secret about a boy some other girl likes. My cups half empty but I feel it’s buzz when I enter the school. Walking down the hall I see Clint and every part of his torso I mean the outline. He’s wearing a stretchy work out shirt but his chubby stature is mesmerizing. And yeah he’s the guy that I’ve been wanting for a while. He grabs my shoulder because he’s a good amount taller then me and he smells like men’s body wash. And I begin to drift off. Until I smash into a 9th grader and I’m jolted back into the hectic hallway
“coach wants everyone to work out today,” I catch those words and nearly pass out because I hate working out in front of people, Clint especially.

Walking into the chemistry classroom I’m greeted with separated desks and test papers on top of them. I take a seat close to the middle and Abby comes out from who knows where and goes to sit close to the back, I feel a little betrayed. Halfway through this damn test and I placed the elements in order except for bismuth because I always think it’s on the left by strontium. It’s more like I’m trying then I’m acing, that type of thing. After I finish I try and get it away from me as fast as my feet can bring it to the front of the class where my chem teacher is sat reading the daily news paper. I place the sheet with Shaky hands and I overheard an open conversation that’s probably supposed to be private, but football jocks are thick.  And I’m conflicted because I don’t think he’s the one. Clint well he’s talking to Alex the captain of the football team and a star linebacker. Well he’s huge and an absolute brute. And well he’s a homophobe, the words faggot and queer get thrown around on the daily and he’s even the soul purpose that Dwight is the way he is.
And I think Clint is or might be the best person in the world Because he’ll never get in the fights but he’ll most likely break them up and I admire that about him. But I don’t want to throw our relationship away our relationship.

Opening my locker I’m greeted with Jen her hair tied in a messy bun and a giant novel in her hands. And Quinn a short girl probably around 5’3 and she has thick rimmed glasses and Abby she’s there too. But I really want to see Luke. We have French together even though either of us like the language itself, but being bilingual has its perks. Quinn has this thing where whenever she sees me she gets really excited and punches my shoulder or at least tries too. And jen, well Jen is pretty closed off from the world. But she has a sense of awakening and I love her anyways. I love all of them even though non of them know, and then I see Clint walking down the hall and I can’t help but stare.
“Hey so tonight me and-” Abby tries to get out but I chase after the football jock before she can get it out. My feet are gliding on the hard stone floor and I swerve to avoid students and teachers alike. Until I see Clint opening his locker and a swarm of beefy men around him. Alex especially. He’s maybe around 6’3 and 250 pounds but he’s been dating this girl Chloe for who knows how long. Anyways him Rob who’s a little on the beefy side not like Clint but more like he should be on a diet. But he can catch a ball, and then there’s Ethan and Kyle Ethan’s like a brother to me and he’s dating my ex. Kyle is this super smart guy and he’s only really doing this to get a scholarship, but I wanted to talk to Clint alone. I want to talk about
“Hey!” Clint says placing is palm on my shoulder.
“Hey, Clint!”
“Hey faggot.” Alex’s voice makes me want to leave. Faggot? He doesn’t even know yet here he is calling Everyone a fag I stutter before blurting out a quick “Hey asshole” I wonder if he even knows.  We only have a short time in-between classes, well in the mornings between first and second period we get an extra five minutes, and I wanted to get to class as soon as possible because Luke’s in French.
“Coming to work out tonight?” Ethan asks and I nod my head.
“Yeah, uh I’ll talk to you later I gotta head to class.” I say turning around.
“See faggot,” I don’t even listen to him and stick up my middle finger.

Rushing to second period Luke is sat with his foot perched up on a desk. His coffee cup is still present and not thrown into a trashcan. I give him an egger wave and he puts up a piece sign. I find myself lost in his beautiful brown eyes. That is until the bell rings and I take a seat next to him. 
“Hey!”
“Hi,” he says and he’s not great with conversation he’s quiet and reserved except he’s my best friend. I tell him everything except the gay stuff because he doesn’t know. Nobody knows. I don’t even know for sure. I mean I know. Hey killer queer over here, but it’s cool. This is cool.
My mind is busy when I sit next to him. We’re caught in awkward silence when the bell rings and our teacher with a killer baby bump comes marching in. She’s wearing a shirt that’s skin tight over her bulbous torso. And I swear I can see the tiny little fetus kick and move it’s stubby arms.

Lunch rolls around extremely quickly as after french I have English and we’re learning about Shakespeare through movies and plays. And Abby’s in that class so it moves too fast. And then the temptation of lunch greets us when the bell rings.
“Ahhhh we’re almost out!” I hear Abby call as I plop down next to Luke. But Abby moves to sit next to Luke as well, and I’m a little hurt. She always sits next to me and we know that. And Jen is sitting on a bench her jacket acting like a blanket while she reads daunts inferno.
“What do you mean?” Luke says
“Like summer?” She replies as I take out my chicken and mayo sandwich. “I say we go camping this summer and you know get away from everything.”
“I mean you’re not wrong,” I say standing up. “After this we’ve got what? One more year? And then we’re free, and summer is so close I can taste it.” I say lifting my hands over my head as I see Clint in the distance with Alex Scott, Ethan Booth and Kyle Mitch and I make amazingly beautiful eye contact with the spectacular jock and I’m caught blushing. I feel like I’m going to throw up.

Bio. The most exhausting and draining class today it’s dissection day. And it’s frogs. The smell of chemicals that resemble permanent marker make me nauseated as my lab partner Anna cuts through the middle of the frozen frog. Heading to last period foundations I barley get any work done as Clint Zane and Alex and me are put in the same class. So it’s usually loud and annoying. But I can’t help but admire Clint. He’s not necessarily fit, his middle is soft but his arms are beefy. And his personality is absolutely amazing that it makes up for it.
Stripping in the guys changing room everyone avoiding eye contact I’m in and out. Pulling on my shorts quick enough that I don’t have to see a penis.
“Hey Clint-uh,” I stutter as I go to the dumbbells where he’s stationed curing 15s.
“hey.” he says taking out his headphones.
“Uh you doin weights?” I ask stupidly. “Oh actually never mind, that was a dumb question,” I want to end myself.
“Uh it wasn’t that dumb,” he says as he smiles and puts his head phones back in.
“Ok I’m gonna listen to some music.” I say putting in my headphones pulling my mp3 player looking for anything to listen too. Looking around I see Alex has Ethan spotting him on the 150 pound weights. And Shane Lowe a senior is on the treadmill. Kyle working on his legs doing squats. And I’m caught off guard when coach let’s us off early. A fucking blessing.
Dunking my head in a sink full of water I dry off while everyone is being typical teenage boys. And then I see Alex’s seemingly large member  I get out of there as fast as I can. That’s the least of my problems if I happen to get a boner. Rushing out I zip up my jacket as coach Hozier or Mr. Hozier he’s an English teacher, but football really gets him started.
“Hey Tom next week I want you to uh work on your legs. We need everyone to be in perfect shape for next year eh?”
“Yeah sure thing,” I say as he sends me off and I head down the hallway. I try to fix my hair. But it’s too wet to do anything.  Getting into my car I take out my mp3 player and set it down in a cup holder. Turning on the radio I find the all around classic rock station and let it play. Just what I needed by the cars is playing and it’s easing for a second. Driving home I think about everything. I’m gonna do it. That camping trip is what I need. And summer is extremely close. Not even a month left really just 3 weeks. Stopping at a red light I look in my right. At a coffee shop. The one I usually go to everyday. And see Abby and Luke. Both in a booth. I take a turn and go into the parking lot. Stepping in my bag in the car they’re talking about something. I order a coffee and walk towards them.
“Hey, what are you guys doing here?” I ask looking at them confused.
“Oh, uh Tom hi. We thought you were still at football practice.” Abby said moving so I could sit in the booth so yeah my name’s Tom. Tommy Tomathy. It’s all the same Tommy Everitt. 
“No it got called off early, so what are you doing?”
“Just drinking coffee the usual.” Luke said taking a sip.
“Oh yeah sure. So i'm guessing you don’t want me here?” I say sliding to get out.
“No, stay,” Abby says Luke looking at her with daggers for eyes.
“I can go if you guys were having some love stuff.” I say stopping
“No, stay at least till your coffee is done.” she says and I go back next to her and she puts her arm around my shoulders.
Luke orders another coffee after he’s finished his 3rd and Abby orders a hot chocolate wanting something more sweet. I’m halfway done when I’m struck with realization. I should have gotten Clint’s number. Like seriously what's wrong with me!
“Ugh,” I say and Abby looks at me. 
“What?” she says looking at me.
“Oh. Nothing I forgot I had a bio paper due.” I lied.
“Ok well you can do it now,” Abby calls as Luke finishes his cup. He’s working on a paper now English? Maybe French who knows, But he’s not paying attention.
“Um yeah, maybe I should just go? Let you two have some alone time.” I say sliding out. I’ve been there for maybe 10 minutes but both seemed to be annoyed by me.
“Tom! you don’t have to go.”
“I want to,” I cut her off sliding out and into the tiny coffee shop it’s basically empty as it’s 8 at night on a Wednesday. Luke looks up from his paper and waves at me. I smile and end up leaving, but before I left I saw them talking. Jeez I’m so stupid why did I even go in. I think getting in my car.

Pulling up in my driveway. Getting out I notice that it starts to rain again. Cracking open the door. I’m greeted with my dad’s drunk laughter in the other room. He’s a funny drunk but he’s got a dark side. I go directly to my room not wanting to greet myself to my drunk parents. Plopping down on my bed I look at my boom box that’s stationed on my desk I decide to get up and sit in my office chair And turn on some tunes. What if he is gay. What’s if he’s in the same situation as I am. God I’m stupid. He’s probably straight and I’m just gonna hurt myself over this, but what if he is. God I hate love. This whole thing is stupid. Especially gay love, it just adds another step to the awful situation.

What if he is gay.