Both Sides Now.

Chapter 12

     The Monday the started it all. This Monday. November the 2nd I didn't even go to Abby's Halloween party. But I can't face them, well if I am it's gonna be today since the entire school saw me kiss a guy and saw him reject me. So it's best time than ever to come out. Fuck. FUCK! I think coming out of the shower. I'm absolutely exhausted and I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in 4 days   
Throwing on a shirt that resembles a lot like Dwight’s style, and I put on a pair of skinny jeans I’m out. I probably should dress like one.
Driving straight to school I don't even bother picking Abby and Luke up. I can't face them. That is until I hear that awfully annoying vibration come from my pocket. It's Abby on the other line and I pick it up hesitantly.
“Hey” her voice is soft and sweet.
“Hi”
“Are you ok?” she asks
“Definition of ok?”
“Are you feeling good?”
“Not really” I say. “Listen why are you calling?”
“Well you're late to pick me up”
“I can't come get you. Sorry” Jesus what's actually wrong with me.
“Oh ok, well I still want to see you”
“Yeah” I say “uh I might see you today” I say before hanging up. Pulling into the parking lot a styrofoam cup is launched smashing into my windshield exploding fizzy sticky disgusting Pepsi everywhere. Luckily I wasn't out of the car. But I know exactly who it is and what it's about.
It's Alex and his crew and Clint. Fuck.
I get out but I head the other way.
“Hey Tom” Clint says.
I turn but ever so slightly to see him smile. I smile back but head into the school doors, I'll wash the fountain drink off my car later tonight. But what's his problem? walking in the school I feel heavy eyes on me all of them. And eyes like I killed their puppy's or something. Then I hear whispers and giggles and i know they're talking about me. Me and my gay thing.
“Hey faggot” yep knew that was coming. I don't even know this person.
“Yeah?” I say before walking towards him.
“How'd you enjoy getting blue balled Friday? Musta sucked..well you would know a lot about sucking since you're gay.” ok I'm done.
“Who are you. We literally don't know each other so why don't you fuck off” I say before walking in the other direction.
“Whoa calm it down faggy”
I head to my first period class. And I see Alfie, Alfie or Charlie or whatever.
“Hey” he says as I take a seat next to him, when I see Dwight smile at me.
“So uh you and him?”
“What? No. Definitely not” I say smiling “Listen I'm still the same Tommy ok?”
“Uh yeah” he says and I feel those heavy eyes on me except his eyes are sweet. “Hey you're still the tom I know! That's not gonna change anything”
Ok so Alfie fucking Jones is amazing.
“thanks. Uh I'd understand if you wouldn't want to hang out with me. I mean I'm not so popular anymore.”
“Dude you're my only friend. Remember when we met. How awkward we were. Now we're here, don't worry it'll boil over” he's beautiful and sweet and charming and I might be falling for him. Fuck.

Closing my car door I avoided Abby and Luke safely through the day and I drive home with sticky residue of forgotten Pepsi on the windshield. That is until Abby physically chases my car down.
“Wait!” She says before opening the passenger door as I start it up.
“Abby?”
“Yeah hold on”
“Dude, I really don't want to talk right now”
“When will you?” She asks and she has a point “that's what I thought.
“Abby, please”
“No what's going on?” She asks and I bang my head on the steering wheel before facing her.
“Ok so im known as faggy now”
“Faggy? That's not even good I mean at least be creative. Like anal Everitt! Oh wait that’s good.” Abby says as I look at her.
“Ok true, but. I’m on everyone’s hate list now.”
“being gay has nothing to do with it. I mean maybe we can talk this out? Like maybe come over tonight and we’ll talk about boys or whatever, but why’d you even kiss Clint. ”
“Wish I could tell ya, but I honestly don't know” I say before driving out of the school parking lot.
“Hmm well at least you know he's not gay.”
“Not the point.”
“Right” she says
“Uh how's Luke?”
“Luke's great. He misses you, but this is about you.”
“Nah it doesn't have to be”
“Tommy Everitt. We're talking about your problems and you're gonna like it.” She says in and mother like tone
“Ok everyone hates me. And I'm gonna need some time alone ok?” I say before shutting my eyes and letting my head hit the back of the seat.
“Sometimes you need someone. Like a partner. And hey isn't Dwight gay? Maybe you two can hit it off.”
“I'm gonna stop you there. Because we already went on a date and it didn't go to well. Well we kissed, like a lot. But I don't know if I want to live the rest of my life with him you know?” I say trying to make myself seem more joyful then I really am.
“wait really?”
“Yeah. I mean it was nice for someone to kiss back, but he's really annoying.”
“He's desperate,”
“He's a power bottom” I say laughing.
“Ok that's offensive”
“It's ok I'm gay it's like the n word.”
“Don't compare your gayness to black people.” Abby says.
“Right.” You see if she was white I'd have something to go against but she has me up against a wall right now. Ugh I miss her. Laughing I say “But I can still say faggot.”
“Jesus ok, fine if you'll stop whining sure”
“I'm not whining, and faggot.” I say “FAGGOT!” I say as loud as my lungs allow me to go and I block Everything out.
“That's the spirit!”
“I'm a gay guy in a homophobic environment. Let's do this!” I say “I can do this! Holy shit! I'm out! That's almost freeing!”
“Wait did Clint tell anyone or did everyone just see?”
“I'm not too sure, but I know that people know. I think that's for sure,”
“Ok, uh well you’re out!” Abby says. “how did you even find out? Like the whole liking guy thing.”
“Luke Skywalker.” I say in between laughs.
“Wait really? That’s so funny”
“I know right!” I say
“so you down to sleep over?”  
“It’s a school night” I say but part of me is leaning towards going and ditching school.
“That’s totally fine. We’ll just go to your house to get clean clothes and for you to do whatever you do”
“Ok yeah sure” I say.