Both Sides Now.

Chapter 9

   
Cooling nights indexating fall is aproching and changing colors of dancing leaves and jackets. Jackets are the best. With warm insides and hot chocolate it's the best time of the year.

“Three weeks until school starts?” I exclaimed as me and Quinn are in the cold brew. Our conversations block everything else. And I think I love her. I don’t know. I know I’m in love with guys. But pretty girls with nice attitudes make me feel giddy and on top of the world, but so does Clint. His party’s tomorrow, and I'm a little hyped. I don’t know maybe it’s another chance to redeem myself. Listen l know he’s straight and I hate that fact, but what if he’s hiding his sexuality from me? He kissed me. Maybe it’ll happen again. Abby and Luke have been kinda distant, but the opportunity to talk to them is always there. Maybe when school starts again. Quinn is drinking a lemonade when coffee boy walks in he’s wearing a flannel but it’s all the way up to his neck. And he’s wearing glasses. He looks good. And his flannel is tucked into his pants. When he sees me he smiles and I wave at him. And Quinn looks confused yet amazing.
“Who’s that?” she asks.
“I don’t know” I say “I know his name Alfie jones, but I don’t know anything about him”
“He seems cool.”
“Yeah I guess” I say and Quinn looks at me and I’m a little embarrassed.
“I guess? He’s totally hot”
“I mean yeah but…what classes are you taking?” I say changing the subject.
“Mostly sciences some english, but I’m kind of nervous to start our senior year!” she says and she's stretching her arms out.
“Okay well. I’m completely nervous and I don’t know how to handle it.”
I feel like this is an amazingly beautiful moment between the two of us.

Walking home, oh yeah I decided that I should go for more jogs and stuff so deciding to walk was a good decision. Opening my front door of my house i'm greeted with the smell of beer and alcohol. It’s not even Friday. I swear my parents are more immature than me, at least I drink only when I go to parties and I barely even drink that much. So I absolutely hate it when they’re drunk. And well I absolutely turn around and shut the door. My nose is relieved when the fresh air invades my navel cavities. I have my phone and my wallet in my pockets and a pen. And a jacket inside my backpack.
“Hey” I say calling Abby up.
“Hey” she says and it’s bittersweet.
“Wanna go for a drive?”
“Sure, anyone else coming?”
“No idea, we’ll decide later” I say ending the call and getting into my car. The smell of car fresheners and distant memories waft through the automobile. It’s got history. I bought it last year when I was 16 and I’ve had it ever since. But since I’ve gotten my Full license I’ve been the designated driver for everyone. It’s kinda nice. But I can only drive a limited amount of passengers at a time. Thank god Jen got her fulls as well. I don’t think it would have been the same. Driving to her house I’m startled by her running at the car. She practically jumps in and hugs me!
“Oh my god Tommy!” she says enthusiastically.
“Yeah?”
“I missed you bub” this is new. I’ve never heard her say bub in my life, well until now at least.
“so where we going?” she asks and I smile.
“I would say coffee but I was already there today”
“So, we’re there almost everyday anyways” Abby cuts me off and I look at her a little offended.  I haven’t been there with her in weeks. But I let it slide.
“Ok coffee it is” I say driving out of her neighborhood.
And it’s already 8 o’clock the dark sky is lit up by street lights and amazing twinkling stars that are billions of light years away, but still seem to shine.
“Ok, so there’s a party tomorrow, it’s at Clint’s house. And it’s a pool party type of thing, you wanna come?”
“Oh I’m already going to that.”
“Wait really?”
“Yeah he invited me like last week”
“Oh, ok” I say and this is a little bit of a disaster, actually it’s more of a catastrophe than anything because I don’t know what to say. “Wanna meet up before hand?” I ask and she shrugs indicating a yes I guess. Walking into the coffee shop Coffee boy is there. Of course he is. Face is in a book and his body is almost curled up in a chair. Me and Abby take a table and I order a coffee. It’s getting colder actually. Like at nights you need to wear a jacket and you can’t wear shorts, but it’s still August.
We still haven’t brought up the disaster that happened last week. And I’m kinda glad we aren’t talking about it.
“so how’s it been?” she asks and I look up from my drink.
“Good. Listen after this wanna go back to your house?” I just don’t want to go home.
“Yeah sure, are you ok? I mean you don’t seem to be yourself”
“Yeah I don’t know maybe I’ll tell you later.” I say looking up to make eye contact with Alfie. Or coffee boy. He gives me a smile and I smile back. His red wavy hair messy and tamed at the same time. His hair got redder a few months ago it was an almost brown but maybe I just didn’t pay attention to him like I do now.
“So now that you’re gay”
“I'm gonna stop you right there”
“Why?”
“Because I’m the same” I say “I don’t want to be known as different. I just want to be myself, but god knows I can’t have that” I say.
“Tommy that’s not what I meant”
“I'm just saying I don’t want this gay thing to rule my life.” I say and rub my face. I’m absolutely exhausted and I want out.
“I know and I know this won’t help, like at all but come over and we’ll talk about what’s been going on, ok?” she says getting up and grabbing her bag. I smile and get up too hugging Abby before we walk out of the coffee shop her arms around my shoulders. Getting In my car we drive to her house and I’m absolutely confused with a mix of emotions and feelings
Her house is quiet her dads asleep somewhere and I hear his heavy breathing.