Both Sides Now.

Chapter 8

My mind’s racing as I faced my tv screen. My hairs greasy and my fingers are jamming and smashing on a remote controller. A bundle of black cords surround me and I’m sat on the floor my back supported by my bed. The light from the rectangular cube is the only source of brightness in the entire house. A PlayStation is at my feet and a shirtless bandicoot is jumping from platform to platform. It’s 4 am and I’m surrounded by bags of chips, a half empty bottle of iced tea and at least a little dignity. So I just bought a PlayStation. It’s kinda strange I’ve never been the type to play video games but yet again I can see why I haven’t gotten one yet.
And then I died. The character not me. But I am in pretty rough shape.

The beginning of August. My favorite, not really. I’ve always been a fall kind of guy. Clint’s back, that’s something to look forward too. His hot bod, and nice attitude. And the fact that he might be gay looms in my head. Me Abby and Luke have been hanging out a lot lately but now that I think of it it’s been a little while. Like a week. and between that and work I haven’t had the time to see coffee boy as much. Anyways he’s kind of a jerk. I haven’t even tried to go and read his next journal entry. Even if they are cute as hell. Anyways Luke’s the one who talked me into buying the PlayStation. His soft quiet undertone. Also I found my dads collection of records and his old record player from when he was a kid, and boy do I have to tell you that he has some good taste. Classic rock with a pop of color. Fleetwood Mac, acdc, led Zeppelin, men without hats and a hint of Elton John all stored in a chest for a good 10 years. But the wave of nostalgia gives it a kick for me to give them a listen. Me and my dad used to listen to them when I was really young and had a craze for rock. My mind is foggy and I’ve repressed those memories long ago so it’s a bittersweet feeling when he found the box in the attic.

Eating cheerios from a bowl filled with milk im watching the news just keeping watch in case something newsworthy happens. I need something to happen. And something does it’s just not the news I’m looking for, my phone rings from inside my pocket. It’s one of those annoying tunes that comes with the phone but nonetheless I pick it up.

“Hey” it’s Meg’s voice that comes through the other line and I’m a little shocked, I haven’t talked to her since the party. I wonder if she remembers or if she was too drunk off cheap beer. I hope she was too drunk.
“Hi” I say enthusiastically, I still want to be her friend. I’m not that much of an asshole.
“how’s it been?” She asks and she sounds awful.
“I’m good. What about you?” I say trying not to have a mental breakdown at the fact she wanted to have sex with me.
“Not so good. Me and Ethan broke up” she says and her voice cracks. And not in a puberty kind of embarrassing voice crack, more like an about to cry kind of voice crack.
“Oh no, are you ok?” I say and I’m starting to wonder why she’s calling me. It’s 10:30 pm on a weeknight. “I can come over if you want?” I say sincerely apologetic.
“please” and I hear her voice break and mournful sobs.
“Ok hold on” I say hanging up and going into my room to grab a blanket and a extra change of clothes, and my wallet. Slinging my bag over my shoulder I start my car and speed off into the dead of night. Without telling a soul. Except for Meg.

Pulling up into her parking lot 15 minutes later I knock on her door. Her dad answers. He’s tall and absolutely gigantic. I mean he’s let himself go, beer gut and stubble, but terrifying.
“What?” He asks and I tighten my grasp on my bag.
“Um, Megan wanted me to come over” he looks at the staircase that I know way too familiarly. He reluctantly lets me in and I thank him going up the stairs. When I reach the top I realize my shoes are still on. I pass by the room where Alex had sex with that Kayla, Kyra, Kendra girl. I knock on her door and she instantly opens it and grabs my now softish torso. Pulling me in she closes the door and starts shoving her lips onto me. Her tongue invading my mouth. I move back but her strength alone is a little hard to overcome. Her hands go from my soft chest to my groin area and I’m starting to panic.
“Hey!” I blurt out before her mouth it on mine again.
She unbuttons my pants and my member is revealed. I push her back as she undresses herself. Taking off her shirt a familiar memory comes into play she’s in a bra and she starts to take off her pants. I’m trying not to look. Her lingerie is weird, guy underwear is just cotton or a weird stretchy fabric that I don’t know the name of. Girl underwear looks uncomfortable. She moves closer. And my eyes look wide.
She took her bra off and she’s playing with them now. I don’t know I’m too gay for this shit.
“Megan, what the fuck are you doing!” I step back once more looking completely away. I can’t believe her. I’m not even hard. I don’t know what she’s doing. But she moves closer and starts to kiss me again. And I push her again.
“Is it me?” she says and I stair at her. All of her. She’s only wearing a thong and I want to throw up. I can tell she’s hurting, hell anyone in a 10 mile radius can tell that, but is this her idea of coping?
“no, it’s me. Jeez I don’t know how to out this. Um well, I’m gay” I say and i don’t think I’d ever say that to her
And then I hear a knock on her door. Shit! I think. Before throwing meg a shirt and zipping up my pants. Her dad opens the door and sees his daughter naked besides a shirt bundled up to hide her boobs. And a boy he has no idea exists trying to button his pants. Could you be more suspicious.
“What the fuck is going on here” he bellows and I’m terrified.
“Dad it’s not what it looks like” and I hear a slap. I giant heart wrenching slap that makes my skin grow large goose bumps.
“GET OUT!” I feel as if the floorboards are shaking from the man’s voice.
“Ok, ok” I say making my way towards the door and I feel his piercings eyes locked onto me. Running to the door I feel the stairs shake from under his weight as he’s about to grab onto me. I feel as if he wants to beat me to a pulp but I reach the door and slam it before he can get to it. I race to the car and put my key in the ignition and start the car. I can’t believe that happened. I can not believe that fucking happened. I’m driving down a street and I can tell I’m already flushed from color. I’m passing by the hellish coffee shop and it’s empty. Not a living soul besides someone drinking coffee at the bar. I decide to go in and sit at a booth. Ordering a cup of coffee and a muffin I wait. Totally enveloped by what happened and why. My mind is totally incomprehensible and I’m over thinking everything. I feel the warmth that Megan brought with her frantic grasps of romance. Every bone in my body is shaking. Every single one. I’m completely shaken up I still have no idea why she’d do it. The idea is nice. A girl that wants me. But the fact that I’m not into her is a little sad or scary or something. I barely think of it, this whole gay thing I mean I’m out, but to like 7 people. And I don’t really know them so the fact that I am gay might not bounce from person to person because they don’t know me  or I know them way too well and they trust me and I trust them. Either way it could stab me in the back. My totally open back with a giant red target and a neon sign that says stab me, back. But so far so good. The cashier moves towards the table next to me and starts to wipe it down. He’s cute, short hair brown eyes, trimmed beard and he’s got his shirt tucked into his pants. I know it’s the work custom but I feel like he did it intentionally.
“Pretty late for coffee” he says as we’re basically the only ones there. The man is almost done his drink and he moves towards the door, but I smile and say
“Yeah, help clears the brain”
“Hm maybe. Hey has anyone ever told you that you have really pretty eyes. Like seriously pretty” he says and I’m caught flabbergasted by the complement.
“Oh wow, says you!” I say getting up.
“I’ll see you later” he says and I nod in agreement. I’m completely caught off guard so it was a nice attempt to get out. The hot yet breezy summer air hits me and I see how dark it got. Not a single speck of the sun’s light has touched here for several minutes and it’s kinda amazing.