Both Sides Now.

Chapter 11

Opening my book bag I pull out my binder to flip through a few pages till I arrive at the right sheet. Bio 12. Alfie’s next to me and Quinn is laughing at a joke he said because that’s just how Charlie Jones roles. Well Alfie I call him Alfie. Good ol’ Alfie. Everyone in this class is either a total prep or mediocrely annoying in the fact that they don’t have many friends. I respect that people are less sociable when they’ve got anxiety or depression but when they’re just oddballs it’s a different story I guess.
And when that deviously annoying bell tolls off I just stare and get up. Until Dwight Spinner interruptes my departure.
“Are you busy tonight?” he asks and I instantly want to run away. I mean I won’t, because I’m a good guy but. I don’t know.
“Uh no.” I give in
“Wanna see the Trueman show? It’s still in theaters” I can’t say no to him. I mean he’s gay. And Clint’s not. And neither is Luke, so maybe this could be fun? I don’t know I guess he’s just not my type. Like he’s a great dude, but I don’t see myself living the rest of my life together.
“Sure. I’ll pick you up at 5” I say and he smiles. I’ve been pushing it off for almost a month now. But I’ve been busy with school and all that fun stuff. Home comings this week too and me and Clint have been hanging out a lot more then normal. And he’s really touchy. Im getting mixed feelings but I really do believe that I have a chance with him.
“Oh uh yeah sure. You know where I live right?” he asks and of course I know his brothers like my best friend. “dude I know where you live, stop worrying”. I say before heading to my locker to grab a text book or 2. When that most firmilliar hand grasps my shoulders. He’s moving into a back massage.
“Hey Tommy” I hear and I want to kiss him so fucking bad!
“Hey” I say and I don’t know if it’s me but I think he’s trying to tell me something. “Good job for getting this far” I say smiling a little as he scratches the back of his head nervously.
“I mean homecomings going to be rough. McNaughton might kick our asses” McNaughton is the rivaling  school and we always end of the season playing against them. And well we won almost every time, but I guess since I left we’ve been sucking ass.
“Oh come on you guysll be great don’t even sweat it I mean you could be worst.”
“Thanks? Im not really sure if that was a pep talk or not”
“Confidence booster” I say before closing my locker door and heading to English. And it goes by quickly almost a month has passed and once that bell rings I go straight to writing, because Alfie will be there. And he’s actually hilarious! I think maybe if he was gay I’d date him, but he probably isn’t. And then it hits me. In going on a “date” tonight well it’s a date for him. For me it’s just 2 gay guys hanging out. Ok maybe it’s a date.
Anyways im not looking forward for it. And I don’t want to send the wrong message because I love Clint. And yeah.
“Hey tonight if you’re not busy maybe we could go get coffee or something”
“Shoot. Uh I have plans. How about Saturday?”
“I gotta help my dad in the antique shop” he says and does that closed mouth smile.
“Hmm me and Dwight are going to the movies if you wanted to come”
“Dwight? Isn’t he gay?”
“uh yeah. But so what?”
“Well I don’t know what if he tries to get into your pants”
“Uh I can assure you that even if I was gay. I’d never let that happen.” My voice is sharp and I instantly regret it. Did I just out myself. “And besides he’s not even that cute.” He’s not even that cute? Wow way to go Mr straight guy. Mr totally hetero man.
“are you gay?” Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
“What? No” I say. And he looks red in the face. And then before I know it I’m getting ready for a dumb fake date. I even wore my favorite shirt. Hm maybe I’m doing this because I really do like Dwight?
Driving up to his house I feel butterflies flap and try and escape through my torso and he comes out wearing this cute button up with foxes on it with khaki pants and a pair of doc Martens on his feet. How much gayer can you get? I think. I’m wearing my varsity jacket with a navy blue tee shirt underneath I’m wearing a pair of worn jeans with a hole on my left knee and a pair of red converse.
“Hey” he says and my mind goes blank and I can’t exactly speak in a normal manner so I stutter.
“H-hey” I say pulling out of his drive way. This is awkward.
“Oh I uh got you this” he says pulling out a bag of gummy bears from his pants pocket. “I already had some and uh theater food is way expensive you know?”
“Wow thanks, I mean I still need to get licorice because you can’t go to the movies without licorice but thanks.” I say as we’re stuck in traffic.
“Wow yeah you’re right I’m so stupid”
“You’re not stupid.” I blurt out and I grow red hot.  My one hand that’s stuck on the wheel is clenched hard and the other one is rubbing my worn jeans. I feel his longing eyes on mine and I begin to sweat. This is the worst!