Couple T-shirts / jung hoseok(#17)

열여섯

Hoseok

Being called a failed idol rapper, it hurts my heart more than anything else. More than 10 years ago, I had no dream of trying to be anything but I was a happy kid. Always smiling without any fakeness, it didn't matter to me if I have a dream or not. All I know is that I was being happy. Being happy for me at that time of my life was the most important thing.

And at 12 years old, I fell in love with dancing and it changed my whole life completely. Mh mind was filled with being a good dancer and finding out ways to improve me to be a better dancer, a good dancer. I even applied to get into numerous entertainment companies despite my family's wishes for me to be a regular salaryman that has a very steady job, they don't want me to risk my life and my youth trying to achieve something that most people would regret to be but I did the impossible.

I became an idol. An idol of a K-pop group in a small company which gradually grew into one of the biggest entertainment companies in all of South Korea with just one K-pop group, my group, the group that everyone used to love and swoon over.

And now we are all in our own, doing what we specialised in. Seokjin hyung - acting in blockbuster dramas that has high and ratings and starring in cooking variety shows, Yoongi hyung - still stuck in his studio producing songs for other artists that hit the charts and getting awards all the time for his achievements, NamJoon - voted the best leader in K-pop every year and the one that leads us to the correct pathway, it is because of him that we are all still in the group, JiMin - the sweetest angel that everyone doesn't deserve, he acted in one drama and that drama has been remade by different countries over the years, TaeHyung - the weirdo cool guy who gets acting gigs drama after drama, he is one of the most famous members of our group and everyone knows him for his acting, JungKook - the youngest member who lives in the gym and is making short films that shook the world.

And there's me, Jung Hoseok, the failed idol rapper that has no place to go to due to age and is now forced to do acting.

"Tell me that you still want to act." Wendy looked at me as she sits down on the bench, she seems very upset about the fact that I pulled her out of the filming set despite everyone else telling me to stay and apologize. How can I apologize??

"Do you also think that I am a failed idol rapper??"

"Hoseok--" I cut her off. "I am, right?? A failed rapper, my time to be famous is now gone. I could've done acting at the peak of my career but it is too late now, nobody wants to see an almost-30-year-old man trying to act for the first time."

"Failure is not determined by others, you are the one who decides if you want to be a failure or not. If you want to be a failure, you will turn out to be a failure."

"You just don't understand. You see, my members, they all have areas that they specialize in and I am the only one still trying to find my place. Dancing is my only talent and nobody would want to see a failed idol rapper dance in front of the stage, they want younger people, younger people whose backs don't hurt when they dance."

"Hoseok-ah..." She called my name and I started to whimper, an uneasy feeling that I want to get rid of. She noticed it and pulled me into an embrace. "Don't be afraid of what might happen, make use of the opportunity that you have."

"I can't, I won't do well..." She continued to pat my back as I sob on and on, it has been such a long time since I have cried like a baby. I have always kept it to myself all this time and crying my heart out has been what I have wanted to do but couldn't do it. I was afraid to cry, I was afraid to let anyone know that I was suffering internally, I was afraid that they might laugh at me. Why would I be afraid of failing at the age of 28??

"You can do it, just believe that you can do it." She was the first one that ever saw me cry because I was afraid of failing and I hugged her even tighter because she saw the weak me. She saw the side of me that nobody has seen before, the me who is afraid of failure. I have always wanted to be perfect, the perfect Hobi for BTS and the public, the perfect Jung Hoseok for my family but I'm not perfect. I'm far from perfect.

"It is okay to fail, just get back up as if nothing had happened and continue to strive. You told me not to give up so I'm here to help you, you told me to try again and I did, I became a scriptwriter all thanks to you, my friend." Of course, she is my dearest friend even though we have only known each other for just a few weeks.
She handed me a tissue as I blew my nose with it, crying my heart out was a good thing to do and I'm glad that cried like a baby in front of her, in front of the person that I liked.

"I can't believe that I just witnessed a sunshine cry for the first time, they are supposed to be happy and yet they can still cry when no-one is watching." She looked at me gently and I felt comfortable looking into her eyes.

"And they can cry when they are around the person that they can trust with all their heart," I commented and she looked surprised. "Yes, you are the one that I will trust with all my heart. Because you are my friend." Because I like you...