Couple T-shirts / jung hoseok(#17)

스물 넷

SooJung

I clenched my teeth as I sat down at the couch in my apartment, my fingers at the edge of my mouth as I bit on them. I have the habit of biting my nails when I am nervous and it is a bad habit of mine, it ruins my nails but I don't care, it helps me to calm down as I have something to focus on.
My eyes were focused as I waited for the first episode of my drama to be aired, it is finally airing after a whole 2 weeks of shooting and I'm nervous that it might not do well. First of all, I accepted to do this drama, not because I wanted to do it. The characters are actually very generic and you can find them anywhere in any random k-drama, there is not much originality in it. My manager forced me to take upon this acting gig because my group that I am in is not doing that well and we are going to get disband soon.

We haven't had any songs released for such a long time and our popularity is starting to drop with all the new groups popping up these days, we are losing relevancy in the K-pop industry so my manager suggested that I should act in a drama to get my popularity back. It is the same with Jung Hoseok whose position is getting threatened the longer that he stays on, he can't dance that well due to injuries so acting is his only chance.

I stared at myself who is behind the screen acting out my role, my mind taking down notes of the things that I did right and wrong. I blinked too much... I didn't look that natural... I looked really awkward...

I do this all the time because I don't have the confidence to act well, I don't have the talent to. It is just that I am from an idol group so there are more expectations for me to do well if I acted well, I will get a lot of sponsorships and I will get to shoot many commercials as well. If I don't go well to impress them, nothing will do right for us and it will affect everything that I have.

I shouldn't move too much... My nose, they look way too sharp... I continued to monitor myself as the drama continues to air, now it is the halfway point and it is the part where the bullies make their appearance and they would bully me. Wendy will appear soon and I'm afraid of what will happen later.

I watched Wendy walk up to me with her other two sidekicks pushing me just because I accidentally bumped into them and they are finding fault with me, she walks with such confidence and it is as if she is born to be the bully and she is fierce, true to her acting skills and her demeanour shows it all, she is confident in her acting.

If anyone were to watch the episode from this point on, they would think that she is one of the main characters and not a one time character who will only appear on this episode and anywhere else. That's why I have always felt so belittled than her, that's why I hated her back then in college when we were taking the same course.

The phone started ringing and I immediately know who was it, my manager monitors my every movement, whether it is on screen or it is in private, he would watch my every move no matter what. He is like a CCTV which is left 24 hours every day.

I picked up the phone and then pressed on the speaker button, my ears would bleed if I were to listen to him with the receiver close to my ears. "You are at home right?"

If not, how the hell did I even answer your call? "I am, I have watched the episode." I don't even get to go out of the apartment without his permission, I would have to ask permission to go to the convenience store.

"Then you do know that you have made a lot of mistakes right? Your smile is awkward, you laugh awkwardly as well. You blink way too much, why the hell do you have to do that? It is not like it will even improve your acting if you did that."

Then why did you force me to act when you know that I'm bad at acting? "I won't do that again, I will improve on it." I weakly smiled with my knees close to my chest, staring at the air like an idiot. Why am I still listening to all this?

"Then about that girl who became that bully, she became a real hit. Everyone is talking about her and her acting skills, who is she exactly?"

"She is just a scriptwriter who had no choice but to have a small acting role, is she really that popular?"

"Everyone on the internet is talking about her and she is at the top of the search engine, everyone is saying that she acts so much better than you."

I bit down my lip as I tried fighting back my tears. "Keep her in check, I can't let her be better than me. I am the main lead, not her. She is just a small little rookie scriptwriter."

I can't let her steal away all of my spotlights, she is just a scriptwriter, she can't be better than me. She has to stay in her line or else she is going to suffer so much.

"Got that. In the meanwhile, try to improve your acting skills. What you are doing is affecting the company's reputation, you wouldn't want the CEO to remove you from the drama."

"Got it, I will do my best." He hung up and I continued to sit down in the same position until I feel a tear drop from my right eye and it streamed down to my cheek, never leaving its place for a very long time and I wiped it off.

I can't cry right now, not now, not ever. Or not I will lose to her.