Nothingness

DO IT ALREADY!

"I don't understand. You think you know me, but you describe someone that I don't know. None of the words you just said describes me!!" I cry out. I stand up, but falter. I can't stand to look at his face. All of the years I've known him, I'm a complete stranger to him.

I whimper slightly as I try and walk towards the area Divana went, the searing pain in my back causes me to limp. I can hear Kyle pleading for me to come back. He is saying that father would kill me if he saw me trying to leave.

"Good. Maybe everyone shall get what they deserve." I say back at him, my voice tired and blank of emotion.

I walk around aimlessly in the dark hoping to bang into something. Kyle is yelling and pleading and crying.
Pathetic.
If he really cared he would stop me, instead of just sitting there yelling.
His well being is more important than mine. Though I already know this, his actions speak louder than words. I tune out his voice and focus on how to leave.

As I am walking around trying not to screech in pain from my aching back, I bump into a table. I lean over it for a minute trying to rest a bit. I fumble around on the table trying to find anything that could help me.

Then I feel my skin slit as my hand comes in contact with something sharp.

I whimper and bite my lip, trying not to signal I'm in pain. If Kyle knew he would probably start yelling more. I put my cut finger in my mouth and continue searching. It's nothing compared to what I did to my arms anyway. Maybe if I get caught all my pain will end. Maybe I won't have to dirty my pride, and my life would be taken by one other than myself.

I hold my hand to my chest and try to focus on the things in front of me. It's very dark and I can only see shadows, though I can make out the shapes. I can see a few normal tools, and a bunch of sharp looking things. I grab what seems to be a shovel and try and find my way to the steps.

I stumble around the dark and soon reach the stairway. I start to climb, still ignoring the weakening pleads and cries from my brother. With every step I take I can feel my body get heavier and heavier, shakier and shakier.

Do I really want this?

I don't know, do you?

I don't know. I am tired of being treated like human garbage. I'm tired of feeling like human garbage. And I'm tired of being human garbage. I just want all the pain to end.

I see. Then go ahead. Seal your fate. Whatever happens now, happens. If you really don't care anymore.

for once, your being rational.

I only can be, who you truly are.

I am no longer afraid. No longer caring. No longer worrying about my safety. Future. Life. I am now carefree. I won't ruin my self image by taking my own life, but if the opportunity where a car is coming while I cross the road, I won't bother to watch out.

I Imediatly thrust the shovel into the door as hard as I can. The shovel is wedged in and as I try to pull the shovel back out, the door starts to open faster than I can react.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" The wretched voice of my father screams out.

"Nothing. How about you?" I reply. I don't care anymore. My voice sounds casual and he is taken back by it.

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY! YOU ARE MY CHILD! YOU DO WHAT YOUR TOLD OR YOU WILL BE PUNISHED!" He spits and he grabs my hand and pulls me into a dirty, broken, and old looking kitchen. It looks like it wasn't used for years.

"Can you just kill me instead?" I ask casually as he pushes me down into the slop on the floor.

"WHAT KIND OF PATHETIC SH$# ARE YOU SPOUTING OUT NOW!? I'M NOT A MURDERER!" Father reels. I can tell that hurt him somewhat. It got into his skin.

"Oh Yeah? what happened to mom then?" I question, actually feeling sorrow. That's an old feeling... Well I guess so is this huh..
It feels like I flipped a switch and suddenly my emotions turned off.

He is speechless. He looks away from me and I turn to see Divana.

"What?" I ask. She has the look of a woman who was petrified, and sorrowful.

She just shakes her head and I look back at my father, "So is there a reason I'm up here?" I once again question.

Father turns back to me and thinks for a moment.

"I.. Go back downstairs! You worthless piece of.. of crap! I don't want to see your face! " He screeches. He sounds as though he's at the verge of tears. Baby.
Everybody is so sensitive.

I shrug and stand up. I pull out the leaves from my hair and limp back to the stairs.

"Wait! Come here you bit!%! I want to hurt you.. !" Father cries as he storms over to me. Divana tried to hold him back but failed. As his hand made contact with my face, she gasped so loud they probably heard her in China.

I fell from the impact and I could feel blood run down my face.
"Do it again. " I dare him.
His face falters.

He falls to the ground and stares at his hands.
"Just kill me please. Why won't you do it already. JUST KILL ME!" I yell at him.

He covers his ears and shakes his head.
He won't listen!