No Time | Grey's Anatomy // Book 1 // COMPLETED |

46 | Remember

You think remembering is the worst. After something traumatic happens, you think remembering is the worst; and it is. Every little detail comes back, magnified by one hundred times and you can't do anything to get it out of your head. You wish you could forget. Just forget that the whole thing ever happened. Lose your memory of it and move on...but you can't. It's there, always with you wherever you go. After all, when a stone is dropped into a pond, the water continues quivering even after the stone has sunk to the bottom.

"A major Seattle-area shooting..." the news reported spoke as we all gathered around a T.V. in the hospital, "We have reports that a gunman has opened fire on students and faculty."

The only sounds in the room were the news reporter from the T.V. and the occasional quiet sob from Lexie or April. I kept thinking about how I should be crying too, but it never happened. Maybe I was too in shock to cry, or maybe I just wouldn't let myself feel the same way that I had once felt.

"Bailey?" Owen asked as he entered the room with Teddy, "Bailey, fill us in."

"Again, that's at Pacific college. We now take you live to our on-scene reporter." the man on the T.V. spoke, "Students and faculty are still in the building. I'm trying to get some answers, but what we know so far is that a gunman opened fire at Pacific college and that there are at least a dozen...I'm sorry? Okay. Okay. There are at least twenty victims."

"There are fifteen ambulances on the way. Maybe more to come." Owen announced as we waited at the ambulance bay, "First one is three minutes out."

"People..." Chief Webber stepped to the front of the crowd, "People...our own trauma is fresh, and we are going to have feelings today, and there is no shame in that. What I want to say is, what we went through six months ago, they are going through right now, which makes them our brothers and sisters...which makes them fellow travelers, which makes them our own. So to the very best of our ability, we are gonna do our work first. And you're gonna have your feelings later."

As Lexie sniffled, Owen turned to her, "Grey?"

"I'm fine." she took a deep breath, "I'm fine."

Mark turned to Lexie, "Go to the pit, make sure we're stocked. Call the blood bank-"

"I'm fine." Lexie insisted.

"Call the blood bank." Mark repeated, "Tell them to give us all the O-Neg they have."

Nodding, Lexie backed away and disappeared back into the hospital. Just then, the first ambulance drove in and screeched to a halt. As April and Chief Webber headed for that one, the rest of us waited. "Okay, this one's mine." Chief Webber announced as soon as he got the victim's details.

As the ambulances kept arriving, I finally ran up to one with Teddy and Owen. "Jason Swork, twenty years old," the paramedic informed us, "single entrance wound to the left fifth intercostal space. No exit wound. Lost vitals in front of us. This is the emergency thoracotomy we called about."

"You did a thoracotomy in the field?" Owen asked.

The paramedic shook his head, "No, I didn't."

As the back of the ambulance doors opened, we looked up to see Cristina in the back. "I had to crack his chest," she told us before we rushed the victim out of the ambulance and into the hospital.

"Cristina..." Owen sighed.

"Can you feel the lesion?" Teddy asked as we rolled the gurney to an O.R.

"Yes," Cristina replied, "he's got a big hole in his right ventricle, but as long as I keep my hand here, I can feel a good heartbeat."

"Cristina," Owen said again.

Cristina turned to him, "What? What?"

"You're going into the O.R.?" he asked.

"She's got her hand on the hole, Owen." Teddy reminded him.

"I'll be fine." Cristina assured Owen, "I'll be okay."

As the surgery was about to start, Jackson entered the OR. "You paged me?" he asked as he saw Cristina, "Yang?"

"She was at the scene." Teddy said at the same time that Cristina said, "Oh, I was at the scene."

"He's got a tear on the right ventricle." Teddy told Jackson, "And there could be torrential bleeding once we get in, so I just, uh, just want a little backup, just a little extra backup."

"She's not sure if I can handle it," Cristina said.

"I'm ready." Jackson agreed, "I'm in. I'll go...I'll go scrub."

"All right." Teddy said once most of us were ready, "Let's get this boy on bypass."

The monitors beeped reassuringly in the background as we were well into the surgery. It was just about then when Chief Webber entered the OR. "Dr. Altman," he said as he put a mask on, "You have a G.S.W. to the chest?...Dr. Yang?"

"Dr. Yang was on the scene." Teddy told him, "She performed an emergency thoracotomy in the field."

"You all right Dr. Yang?" Chief Webber asked.

Cristina nodded, "Yes, sir. I'm staying, if that's okay."

"Uh, Dr. Yang, can you tell me what your patient was wearing or where his clothes are?" the Chief asked her.

Cristina thought for a moment, "Uh, they were cut off at the scene. It was, um, a green hoodie, jeans."

"Is he a redhead, about twenty?" the Chief asked yet another question.

Looking down, one of the nurses removed the boy's cap to reveal bright, curly red hair. "Yes," Cristina replied.

"Uh, why, sir?" Jackson asked.

"Send me down any bullet fragments you pull out of his body." Chief Webber told us.

Teddy looked up, "Chief, what's going on?"

Chief Webber hesitated for a moment before he said, "Your patient's the shooter. Send down any bullets immediately. They're evidence."

"Oh, my god." I gasped as I set down my scalpel and stepped away from the table.

"Forrest, you okay?" Teddy asked as Chief Webber left.

After taking a few deep breaths, I returned to my spot and picked up the scalpel again, "Fine. Just...fine."

"Okay, um..." Teddy thought for a moment, "Okay. Where were we?"

"You were about to reconstruct the ventricle." Cristina reminded her.

Teddy sighed, "Right. Right. Thank you. Okay. Hand me 3-0 ethibond, please."

"I'm sorry." the scrub nurse said, "I'm sorry, but I can't, Dr. Altman."

Teddy gave her a look, "You can't hand me the ethibond?"

The nurse shook her head, "I can't."

"She can't save this guy...is what she's saying." Jackson told us, "He just shot up dozens of people, and this surgery is gonna take all day."

"Dr. Avery." Teddy tried to calm everyone down.

Jackson ignored her, "That's taking four doctors and four nurses away from helping other people, people who didn't shoot up a campus full of innocent kids-"

"Dr. Avery!" Teddy said sternly, "I operated on Iraqi soldiers who blew up dozens of our guys. I didn't like it, but I did it, because I'm a doctor, and I took an oath. You're not a jury or a judge. If there's a life to be saved, we save that life, regardless-"

"I'm not doing this." Jackson disagreed and stepped away from the table, "No."

As Jackson left the O.R., Teddy look around the room. "Anyone else?" she asked.

"I'm sorry." the nurse from before said as she and two other nurses walked out.

"Dr. Yang...Dr. Forrest..." Teddy sighed, "Are you staying?"

After going over it in my head, I finally decided. "Yes." I sighed, hoping I wouldn't regret my decision.

"Yes," Cristina told her.

"All right." Teddy seemed slightly pleased, "Okay, great. Uh, 3-0 ethibond, please."

As Cristina set her tools down and reached for the Ethibond, I knew that this was not only going to be a long and difficult surgery, but I would hate myself just a little for every second that I spent saving this man's life.