No Time | Grey's Anatomy // Book 1 // COMPLETED |

69 | I Can't Love Him

I had been in Cleveland for about a month; halfway through my internship type thing and I was loving it. My only real friend was Noah, but I got calls from the others back in Seattle all the time and I knew the doctors at the Cleveland Clinic pretty well by now.

A lot of things had happened since being here, starting with my conversation with the Chief on the first night I had arrived. He had informed me that Alex had drunkenly told Owen about the whole trial incident. Meredith had ended up being fired. The Chief had told me, though, that the trial incident would not affect me because of the timing of my departure and the fact that I didn't actually do anything, just watched like Alex had.

Meredith had also called a couple of times, filling me in on everything; like her and Derek trying to adopt one of the African children, Zola. It seemed as though as soon as I had left, things had started to get interesting. April had become the Chief Resident, and Chief Webber took the fall for Meredith, earning Meredith her job back just hours after being fired. Christina had gotten pregnant but terminated it despite Owen's attempts to persuade her into motherhood.

Sighing, I pulled back the covers and started my normal daily routine. I took a shower, got dressed, grabbed a muffin from the hotel breakfast buffet, and headed outside to my rental car with which I drove to work in.

As I walked into the clinic, I was greeted by the same face I was always greeted by. "Good morning." Noah chirped, "How are you?"

Chuckling, I began walking with him, "The same as I always am,-"

"-tired but ready to start the day." we both said at the same time.

"Morning Dr. Forrest." the Chief of surgery at the clinic greeted me as he walked by.

I gave him a small head nod, "Morning, Sir."

My day was normal. Well, if you count assisting on an aneurysm, helping re-attach some toes, and a trauma car accident case normal. I did more at the clinic in a day then I usually did in a week at Seattle Grace. And, even though it sounded cocky, I was starting to see what Chief Webber meant by 'incredible surgeon'. I had rocked everything I had done so far, with only a few deaths due to post-op complications or too severe injuries to treat.

Once my day was over, I headed for my car. However, before I was inside, I was stopped. "Ellie!" I heard a familiar voice call. Turning around, I saw Noah walking towards me.

"What's up?" I asked.

Noah smiled, "Nothing, I just wanted to know if you wanted to maybe go for a drink or something?"

I thought about it for a second, "Sure." I smiled, "My hotel has a really good bar in the restaurant if you want to go there."

"Sounds great." Noah nodded, "I'll head home and change quickly. I'll meet you there."

"Alright, see you soon." I waved as Noah walked towards his jeep.

The drive home was quick, and before I knew it I was inside my room and jumping into the shower. I quickly washed myself before getting out, drying off, and changing into some black skinny jeans and a flowy blue top. I kept my hair pretty simple, letting it flow down my back and over my shoulders.

I smiled when I thought of Noah. He had been nice to me from day one, and I'd be lying if I said he was hard on the eyes. As I stepped out of the bathroom, my phone buzzed. Picking it up, I saw that I had gotten a text message.

Jackson: Hey, just wanted to see how things were going. I know we don't talk much anymore, but it's not the same around here without you. Can't wait until you come back. Miss you.

My heart began to pound hard in my chest. Why did he do this to me? A month I had been trying to forget about him, and he just up and texts me like nothing ever happened. A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts. Shoving my phone into my pocket, I grabbed my purse and my key card. I walked over to the door and opened it, revealing Noah. "Hey." he smiled, "Ready?"

"Sure thing." I smiled back, trying to make it seem genuine, "Let's go."

As I sat there drinking with Noah, I tried to have a good time. But my thoughts just kept taking me back, so far back...

═══ Flashback ═══

"You did not!" Jackson laughed before taking a sip of his drink. We had been at the bar for about an hour and a half and I was having the most fun that I had had in ages.

I nodded, "Yes, I did. I mean, how was I supposed to know he wasn't actually dead?"

"Uh, check for a pulse," Jackson told me as if it was obvious, which it was.

I took a sip of my drink before continuing, "It was my first day of working in a real hospital. I wasn't going to kill someone on my first day!"

"So you panicked and ran out?" Jackson raised his eyebrows.

I laughed, "If I wasn't there, it wasn't my fault."

"But, did he survive?"

"Oh, yeah." I assured him, "There were other people in the room, but I just couldn't handle it apparently."

═══ Flashback End ═══

"Ellie..." Noah's voice dragged me back to reality, "You okay?"

I looked up at him, staring directly into his blue eyes, "Oh, um...y-yeah. I'm fine, just...just tired."

Noah put his drink down, "I can tell something's wrong. What is it?"

"Nothing's wrong." I denied, "I'm just tired."

"You're always tired." Noah pointed out, "This isn't you. I've worked with you all day for almost a month. What's wrong?"

"It's stupid." I tried to tell him.

Noah spun his chair slightly to square up with me, "What's his name?"

"Jackson." I spat out, not even realizing what I had said until it was too late.

Noah sighed, "I knew something was wrong. So, I'm guessing you love this guy or something along those lines."

My eyes widened, "I do not love him! He cheated on me with one of my...friends."

"Then why do you keep blanking out and thinking about him?" he asked.

"You're too good at this." I huffed.

Noah chuckled, "My mother was a counselor and a therapist. You can thank her."

Taking a sip of my drink, I took a deep breath, "I used to think about him all the time. I was stupid and childish, but I really liked him. Then after we broke up, I just kind of denied the fact that he existed. It was easier because we worked together. Then I came out here, and I haven't even thought of the name Jackson in a month; but then he up and texts me when I got home today, telling me he misses me."

"That's a pretty shitty thing to do," Noah said.

"Yeah, it is." I felt like I was holding back tears, "It's even worse because I liked that he missed me, even though he's still dating that girl he cheated on me with."

Noah smiled, "Sounds like love to me."

"I can't love him." I shook my head, "I'm-I'm supposed to be a great surgeon."

"Great surgeons can't have love?" Noah asked.

I just shrugged before standing up, "I'm going to go back to my room now. Sorry for making this a super shitty night." I apologized.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it." Noah told me, "I still had a great time because now I know all about your love life and have confirmed that it's worse than mine."

I smacked him lightly on the arm, "Shut up!"

"Goodnight." Noah waved as he headed for the exit.

"Goodnight." I waved back.

After heading up to my room, I paced back and forth in the living room, trying to talk myself out of what I was about to do. Finally, without thinking, I picked up my cell phone and dialed the number. Hating myself for every digit I pressed.

*Ring...Ring*

"Hello?" the voice I had been dying to hear all night spoke.

"Jackson, it's Ellie." I walked over to the window and stared out at the bright lights and the dark sky, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't jump on a plane right now and come back to Seattle."

There was a long pause. "W..what?" Jackson asked, confirming that he hadn't hung up, "Why?"

"Because..." I tried to stop myself from saying it, "I...I-I love you."