This book is now available at Barnes & Noble and nook.
This is now only a sneak peak of the book.
Trina is a writer, one of her books finally made the best sellers list, so why can't she seem to write another one just as good. She's spent every di...
"Trina, please stay, forget what your dad says about going to a bigger college and finding yourself before settling down. We can make a life for ourselves here," Alex pleads with me.
"Alex, I have to go where he wants, or he won't pay for it," I argue and trust me it is the only reason that I would even consider leaving Alex.
"I love you," he says through his tears. I have never seen him cry, he's the tough guy that would rather die than to let anyone see his real feelings, so that sight alone just about did me in.
"I love you too, it's only four years and then I'll come home, and we can start our life." I'm not sure if I'm trying to convince him or myself that this is the best plan for our future. "I have a month left before I start school, let's not spend it arguing about this every night," I beg him, this time through tears of my own, clinging to him like this was the last time I would see him. I still had a month with him and I want to spend every moment that I can with him in that month. I want it to be a happy month, not spent dwelling on things that neither of us can change.
"I'll go with you." He always offers this, but I always remind him that I have to live in a dorm for the first year. In a perfect world it would work, but what would he do while I was in school? He would give up on his dreams and I couldn't let that happen. He always dreamt of one day running our sleepy little island and my dreams were so much bigger, leaving us to make sacrifices, like him letting me go to school in Chicago and coming home to him when I'm done. I kiss him deeply and tell him goodbye for the night, with a heavy heart and a lot of decisions to make.
I walk around my house and down the empty beach to my hiding place under the boardwalk, where it's nice and dark and no one can find me. This is my safe haven, my favorite place to be alone, to think, to reflect or just to be. I think everyone should have a place where they can go that's all theirs. It's their place to be alone, to think when they can't seem to think anywhere else.
I'm sitting on the beach late at night, it's the only time that I have to think and right now, I really need to think. I feel like I'm being pulled in several directions at once. I don't want to leave Alex, but I need to go to school. Maybe I should just go to school here, what would it hurt? Dad would have a fit, he has big plans for me and yet isn't it my life to live?
I want to be a writer, I can go to school anywhere. I'm going to call Alex in the morning and tell him, I'm staying, I think as I listen to the waves crashing against the stilts under the dock.
Well I guess that's it then, I've made up my mind and my dad will have to just get over it. I'm staying here, I can go to the community college in the next town and still be able to be with Alex. I can write books anywhere in the world but there's only one Alex.
A hand wraps around my mouth as I feel an arm tug me close to a hard body, not a word is spoken as I struggle and try to scream, but my screams come out muffles by the hand that's over my mouth. I feel the coolness of heard steal as it's pressed against my throat, warning me to lay still.
Strong hands claw at my clothes ripping them away from my body, before I'm forced to the ground on my stomach. I'm so afraid I can't move as my shorts are pulled down. I try to scream but the knife bites into my skin causing a searing pain, making me grow silent. Soon I feel nothing but pain as he forces himself in me, he grabs my hair moving my face to the sand, before he suddenly goes still, gently turning my head, so I can breathe. I can smell alcohol on his breath as he leans over to kiss my earlobe his knife still biting into the tender skin of my throat. His hair falls over into my face and I catch the scent of coconuts and the faint odor of cologne that I don't recognize.
"Please stop, please," I beg as the knife pinches the skin on my throat. It's better to be alive, I keep reminding myself over and over inside my head, as I am raped, right there in my private haven. I hear a few grunts and a moan and then it's over and I'm left all alone, broken and sobbing.
I didn't hear a voice, or see his face, I can't tell anyone what the man looks like. The only thing they will have to go on is sounds and scents. They won't believe me. I feel dirty and broken when I collect myself, holding my torn shirt close to my chest and pull my shorts back on. I limp down the beach, missing a shoe makes it hard to walk, but I can't stay there. I have to go home.
What if he comes back? What if he thinks I saw him and can identify him? I stand in front of my house blankly staring at the stairs leading up. I can't go in the front door mom and dad will hear me, so I climb the stairs and head around to the back door, where I fumble in my pockets for my key, it slips out of my hand that is still shaking from what just happened. I pick it up, slide the key in the lock and gently open the door. I stand in the darkness for a moment, knowing that I am safe here inside this house. I know I should wake my parents, but they won't believe me, I think as I carefully open the cupboard, removing the box of storage baggies, before tiptoeing to my room, where I carefully removed my clothes, placing each article into a different bad, sealing them before removing another article. I slide into the tub letting the shower blend with my salty tears and the blood from the small wound on my throat.
I finally climb into my bed, pulling the covers tightly around me wrapping myself in a cocoon, a form of security, I guess. I drift off to sleep and relive that moment over and over again, until I finally decide to forgo sleeping and pack my things. I throw on a pair of sweat pants and a frumpy sweatshirt before wrapping a scarf around my neck to cover the small cut that the blade made, then I carry my suitcases down stairs, lining them up in front of the doorway, before telling my parents that I have decided to leave for Chicago early.
When Alex calls I ignore it and pack my car, while my mom cries in the doorway. I didn't tell them what happened the night before, I simply told them that I needed to get to school early to learn where everything is, so I'm late for classes on my first day. I hug them both and climbed into my car.
It wasn't until I got to the ferry that I let myself cry while I was waiting to be delivered to the mainland. I will never go back there, I can't, I promised myself as I watched my home, everyone I knew and loved, and my rapist drift away from me.
