Writer's Block (Complete)

Chapter 17

  Trina's Point of view

He's been standing there for several, agonizing minutes, making me wonder what he's thinking about but I'm afraid to say anything to him. What if he's mad about the changes that have been made to the cabin? What if he hates it?

"Why don't you order something from the diner and I'll go get it," Alex says with his hands still in his pockets as he turns away from his old bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

I nod and dig through my purse, looking for my cell phone. I call in our order and look up to find Alex staring out the back door. "She said to give her about ten minutes before you head that way," I announce, watching him tear his gaze from the back of the house to look at me, with a simple nod. "I thought, if you don't mind, I'd ride with you, so I can grab some things from the house...." When he doesn't agree immediately I add, "I guess I can take my car...."

"I'll take you, it's fine."

I hold my breath, "Alex do you hate the house? Are you angry?"

"No, why would you think that?"

"You're just so.... So quiet."

Alex raises an eyebrow, "the house looks great. I'm actually impressed," he admits.

"Then what's wrong?"

"It's just been a long day, Trina."

"I see," I say spinning on my heals to grab my purse, so we can leave soon.

"There's a lot of memories in this place."

I turn back around to find him watching me, "Yeah," Is all I say before I shoulder my purse and walk out the front door, letting him lock up, while I wait in his truck. I can't take much more of the tension between us. I'm beginning to think that supper tonight is a bad idea but the moment I see him stepping out of the cabin, I can't think of anyone else I'd rather spend and evening with.

The ride to the diner is silent, imagine that, but it did give me some time to think about what I would need to pack up to take with me tonight. Chase runs inside, grabs our food and places it on the back seat before heading to my parent's house.

My parent's went to the boardwalk for some kind of party, so the house is dark and empty when we walk inside. I head up to my bedroom guided by the miniscule light that remains on at all times over the sink.

I grab my large suitcase, turn to my dresser and quickly scoop up everything in my underwear drawer and toss it inside. I do the same to all of my drawers until that suitcase is full and another one is almost full. I turn to head to my closet and see Alex sitting at my desk, looking at my computer.

My eyes go wide, "what are you doing?" I ask, my heart beating hard against my chest, knowing that he is reading the last thing that I left on the computer, my book. No one ever reads my books during the writing stage, ever.

Alex spins the chair around and looks up at me, his brows lower, forming deep wrinkles between them. "So, when are you leaving?" He asks crossing his arms over his chest while waiting for an answer.

I storm past him, slam my laptop shut, unplug the cord from the wall and put it in the half full suitcase before grabbing some of my clothes off the hangers to place on top of it to keep it safe.

Alex grabs my arm, stopping my movement. "Answer me Trina," he demands, his voice harsh but even.

I yank my arm, removing his hold on me before answering, "I don't know."

"You don't know, means that eventually you will be leaving."

I stand there silently staring at my shoes, like they hold all of the answers. The truth is they don't and neither do I. "I don't know," I whisper being completely honest with him. When I came back, I knew what my plan was. Hang around, write a book or gain some kind of skill and leave this place, but now, I just don't know what the plan is. Things have changed, I remember everything that I loved so much about this place, I'm finding myself again and everyone I love lives here. I don't know if I can walk away a second time as easily as I did the first time.

Alex turns, zips the large suitcase and heads toward the door, "I'll meet you in the truck."

I fall onto the bed wishing I could stop being such a screw up. When I was younger, I always thought that you screwed up less the older you got but now I know that's not true. Humans make mistakes at all ages, mine just seem to be more frequently made than others, that or everyone else hides their mistakes better.

After shoving some shoes and beach towels into a beach bag, I grab my suitcase and head to the truck. As I take the last step I see Alex standing at the front door. The light blocking all of his features, he would look menacing if I didn't know him well enough to know he'd never hurt me.

"If you're just going to stand there, you could help me or grab a bottle of that wine." I scold Alex as I head to the island. When he doesn't make a move, I shake my head and shove a bottle of wine in my beach bag wrapping it in one of the towels to keep it from breaking. When I look up Alex is gone, and I am pissed. I'm tired of these games he keeps playing. I carry the suitcase to the truck, open the back door, shove it in before I open the passenger door and climb inside. "You could have helped me." I scold as I pull my seat belt around me. "I mean shit just standing there in the doorway like a creeper, really?"

Alex's head spins to look at me, "Stay here," He says jumping out of the truck pushing the lock button before he shuts his door. I watch him remove his gun and head to the front of the carport, before he disappears up the stairs.

I unbuckle my seatbelt, not because I intend to get out of the truck, but I don't plan on getting stuck in here if whoever was standing at my door busts a window either. I chew my nails my head flipping around at every little noise, waiting impatiently for Alex to come back, while trying to watch all of the windows. My heart falls in my stomach when I see a dark figure heading for the truck. I slide down into the floor, hoping he didn't see me sitting in here, praying that he passes the truck on by when he can't get inside without breaking a window.

Minutes tick slowly by, my heart beating faster and faster with each second that passes, making me feel as if soon it will beat right out of my chest, and then it stops all together when I hear someone knock on the window. I hold my breath, praying that the heart beat that's so loud in my own ears can't be heard by the person on the outside of the truck. I hear a click and the driver side door flies open, blinded by fear I lunge for my attacker, not sure of what I'll do but knowing this time I am not going down without a fight. The phrase I repeated to myself ten years ago has burned itself in my brain, it's better to be alive. Is it really, I've asked myself that question for ten years.

One of my hands is captured in a vice like grip while the other finds it's mark, clawing at my attackers face.

"Trina!" Alex screams ripping me from my fury and quickly fold me in his arms, holding my arms down, keeping me from flailing at him.

I go limp when I realize it's him, my entire body relaxes in his arms. "I thought you were...."

"I know," he says now trying to comfort me.

After a few moments, I remove myself from his arms and slide over to the passenger side, so he can get in.

The truck bounces around the backroad leading to the cabin, neither of us saying a word, making it easy to pick up the sounds around me. Like the sound of the tires as they crunch over the ground picking up small rocks depositing them in the air like BB's shot from a gun creating the subtle ping as the rocks hit the metal on the truck before bouncing through the air to their new home much further down the road from where they started. Every action with a reaction, a cause and effect.

I can relate to that pebble. Me being raped caused me to leave for ten years and in turn built a wall the size of this island between Alex and me. Maybe like me that pebble will find it's way back home, I think as I glance over at Alex.

I may not know where to go from here but for now, I'm going to just take it one day at a time, until one day, maybe I'll know what my next move should be.

I look up and see the cabin ahead. Home, I think as Alex turns into the dirt covered driveway, again displacing rocks and dirt as we travel down it.