I Could Have Never Imagined This

Chapter 35

Chapter 35: I Miss You

~Song With Or Without You by U2~

"My hands are tied. My body bruised. She's got me with nothing to win and nothing left to lose. I can't live with or without you."

~HARRY'S POV~

*** 3 Years later ***

I can't stop thinking of her. Everything I've done for the past 3 years has reminded me of her. I've tried so many other relationships and been with so many other girls but the only person I think about is Sylvie. It doesn't make sense. I should hate her. She left me. She didn't let me explain what happened. She hurt me....She hurt me so much I thought. Why do I still love her? I want her back. I want her in my life again. I wonder how she's been doing. I haven't even had the courage to ask Ed about her. It's hopeless anyway. She doesn't trust me. She's probably moved on anyway.

We were all at Louis and Eleanor's place. We were all hanging out and eating pizza. Niall brought up his twitter. The first thing that came up was a picture of the baby boy they had. I think his name is Charlie. He's so cute. He looks so much like Niall it's insane. It's weird Niall still follows Julia on twitter and things. He doesn't even talk to her. Why is he just torturing himself like that?

"Why don't you guys just call up the girls? We all miss them it's obvious. And there's no point just sitting here sulking while looking through their pictures." Eleanor stated.

"El, you don't know how many times we've thought about it. But do you not understand how hard it is?" I blurted out kind of rudely.

I didn't mean to be rude. Bringing it up just aggravated me.

"Why is it so hard? I don't understand. They both probably miss you as much as you miss them. Harry you know you can't get over her. You've been with almost every girl as of now and none of them were any where near as good as Sylvie."

"You don't think I don't realize that?!" I yelled.

"Guys, stop. Don't argue. If we want Sylvie and Julia to come over here we can arrange it." Niall said.

He wasn't even paying attention to the conversation. He just blurted it out while looking down at his phone. What the fuck is he talking about?

"What do you mean?" I asked anxiously.

Niall looked up. With a shocked look on his face. His eyes went wide.

"Um, sorry nothing." He quickly said.

"What did you mean Niall?" I said. 

My heart started to pound.

He was silent for a while then he said,

"Don't get mad. Julia and I have been...in contact and--"

"What?!" I interrupted. 

He became nervous.

"I needed to keep in touch with her Harry. Charlie's my baby too and I couldn't let them both slip away. And I couldn't just let Julia go like you let Sylvie go." 

I suddenly felt my entire body go on fire. I was so angry. My face went red. How could he say something like that?

"What?! How can you even say something like that?! Niall I couldn't give two fucks if you and Julia were still talking. You could have at least told me that. But you seriously think I let Sylvie go? She wouldn't have been gone if it weren't for your baby." Everyone went silent and tears started to well up in my eyes and I tried my best to hold them back, "You asshole.." 

I finally let out. I didn't even care anymore. Everyone just stood there as tears strolled down my face. I clenched my fists and bit my bottom lip to hold back my cries.

It was silent for a while then Niall spoke,

"Harry, I'm not gonna sit here and let you blame me. It's not my fault that you let her go. You could have told her the truth. Or you could have run after her. But you're a coward Harry. She probably wanted you to run after her."

"That's the last thing she wanted." I breathed through sobs.

"How do you know?"

"Because she wouldn't have left." I yelled.

"She's used to leaving, Harry. She left home at 16. She's used to being lied to and being left by other people. But she loved you more than anything in the world. And you did all those things. Go after her Harry. You're killing yourself."

I walked out of the apartment. Everyone yelled after me but I didn't care. I walked to my car wiping my face as I went. Thank God the paparazzi wasn't around to see me. That's the last thing I needed, and I probably would have lashed out at them.

After what seemed like a million years I finally got to my house. I needed one person. My mother.

I burst through the door.

"Harry?! What's wrong?! What's going on baby?!"

"Sylvie."

"What happened to her love? Please calm down. Just breathe."

I waited a while before answering. I was in sobs. I tried to breathe.

I looked at the ground as I spoke,

"Nothing...nothing's wrong with her. I just...I just don't know what I'm doing without her. I miss her so much and I'm breaking apart. It's been 3 years. And I can't move on. She was the one and I let her slip away. I abandoned her when she needed me the most. I lied to her. And I can't forgive myself for it." 

I looked up into her eyes with my blurry eyes. She took me in a huge hug and kissed my forehead.

"It's gonna be alright Harry...Everything will be alright."

I tried explaining everything to my mum after I had calmed down a bit. She said that I had to go with whatever my heart was telling me.

I walked up to my room and got in my bed. I know what my heart's telling me. I'm just so scared I thought. What if she doesn't want me because of what happened? What if she's moved on and has already started a family on her own? What if it's honestly not meant to be at all? Just then my phone buzzed interrupting my thoughts.

"I have 2 tickets for my flight tomorrow out to California. Here's your chance. Take it. Plane leaves at 10am.~Niall"