Stay Down 2 (Completed)

Chapter 4-Beyond Me

I hate that where here at this empty place in our marriage

We come to a place where we just don't understand each other no more

These days a conversation is hardest thing to accomplish between us

Keeping my grades up,taking care of my kids,and trying to stay married and being pregnant was the hardest shit in the world to do

My backs hurt,I'm always hungry,I barely sleeps and it just isn't enough hours in the day for me to do everything

I'm already on my third nanny and Chris is never home these days

Anxiety I got it bad these days

Changes Chris just doesn't take changes we'll

But changes is inevitable and growing is a beautiful thing to go from one thing to something else

Like a rose growing from a seed

I wanna be the best version of me the best mother I can be the best wife the best person I can be

I think of that 17 year old girl often how full of life she was how she had her own dreams how she was so determined

What happened to her you ask

She fell in love and lost her self she gave her dreams away to be a wife in a mother

I remember when I had Cj and my mother made me promise that I wouldn't lose myself

But I did

But I'm finding myself every day but at the same token I feel like I'm losing my husband

I was leaving class looking at my phone texting my nail tech telling her I was on my way to meet at her house

The hip hop awards was tomorrow and I had to get my nails done before I leave tonight to fly to la

Chris was currently on his way to la because he had rehearsals sound check and a party to attend

He was up for four nominations

And even though we going through it ima be right by his side

I finally got home and soon as I walked in Ari and Cj ran to me both saying "mommy mommy mommy"

I looked down and smiled

"Mommy you was at school" Cj Asked

"yes"I Said

"Mommy can I watch frozen"Ari asked

"Tomorrow it's almost bedtime why aren't you two in your pjs have you guys even took a bath yet"I asked

The nanny Jenny walked in said

"I just finished feeding them I will get them in the bath and ready for bed right now"she said

"Come On Cj,Ariyah"She Said

The kids looked up at me Ariyah grabbed my leg and said "No I want my mommy"

Cj grabbed my other leg and said "Me Too"

"Okay well Jenny I'll give them a bath could you run them some bath water please"I asked

"No problem oh and Shantel in the kitchen waiting for you"She Said

Shantel is the hottest nail tech in Atlanta who do most of ya favs nails and she's a good friend

"okay brats get ready to get in tub I'll be up in a second"I Said

"okay let's go Ariyah"Cj Said