Green and Blue | boyxboy

Breathing fast, will it last?

Jason's POV
I closed the door behind me as fast as I could. If I hadn't stopped right there I knew I would have gotten carried away. But thankfully, I did stop. I stopped right before I knew was gonna be too late.

I was still breathing fast and the sensation of his lips on mine was still vivid. I needed to get it out of my head. Get him out of my head.

I ran upstairs to my room and locked the door. No one can see me like this right now. They'll know what I did. They'll know I just kissed a guy. They'll think I'm gay. Wait... I'm not gay, am I? No, I can't be gay. I am not gay. Kissing a dude doesn't make me gay, right? No, guys do it all the time... right? Yeah okay, I guess kissing a dude doesn't make me gay. I hope. But... what if I enjoyed it? Jason stop. You didn't. Your mind may have thought it was a girl. Unless it didn't. Stop, it did. And I enjoyed it. I really did. No, that's not true, you're just overwhelmed.

What am I gonna do when I see Frank on Monday. I can't see him. I don't want to see him again because I know I'll just want to kiss him again. No, you don't want to see that dude because he... because he... did he do anything wrong? No, he didn't. But he kissed you! Is that wrong? Yes, it's wrong! Why? Because... because... you didn't want him to kiss you. Didn't I? Of course, you didn't, you're not gay!

I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I can't be. Why not? Stop, I can't be. But what's stopping me? I can't just "turn out gay" in just five minutes. What if I've always been gay? Now that's just stupid, Jason, you were never gay. Then why do I think Ellie's brother's hot? No, I don't. I just... think he's hot because I... want to be hot like him. Right. Yeah, that'll explain it. Is it an explanation or an excuse? Explanation. God, Jason why do you have to contradict yourself in everything you fucking think.

I am not gay. Not one bit. Then why do I want to kiss him again? Agh for fuck's sake Jason, stop thinking about it! You don't want to kiss him again. You don't like Frank. You're not gay. But how can I be so sure?

Frank's POV
I was sprinting home. Running so fast I didn't notice I had run a block past my house. What had I done? I shouldn't have done that. I could have just had a nice conversation about how we felt about the kiss. But no. I had to burst and kiss him. Why did I do that? Well, he did kind of offend me. Maybe he didn't know he was hurting my feelings when he said "it was just a kiss", but that was kind of what triggered my... impulse.

What should I do now? Should I text him? Or is it better to call? Wait, what if I turn back and just talk to him in person. No, I should give him space. But how much space does he want? For how long? Is he mad at me? What if he never wants to talk or see me again? I should've never kissed him. Well, he did kiss me back... Anyways, it was not my place to put him in that position so, I should apologize. I think.

As I finally see my house, I sprint the last few feet and go inside. I think I need to tell Ellie about this. She's my second best friend after Jason. Well, who knows. Maybe she'll be my only best friend now after what I just did today.

I dial her number and after a few rings she picks up.

"Hey, Frankie! What's up! Oh my god how did it go?!" she asked ecstatically.

"I... I don't think it went well," I answered, my voice was trembling a lot more than I thought it would.

"What?! Wait, I'm on my way," she said determined and hung up right after.

A few minutes later, I heard her coming up the stairs. She opened my bedroom's door just to find me crawled up in a corner.

"Frank, what happened?!" She asked concerned taking a few steps closer to me.

"I ruined everything, Ellie. All because of my dumb feelings and actions. I should've thought it through."

"See, Frank, you can't decide how to feel. That's exactly why feelings exist. If you thought about how to feel about someone, then it wouldn't be a feeling, it would be a thought. A thought that was made up by your mind, not your heart." This is the perfect example of why I love Ellie so much. Yes, she was different, but she was the type of different we all forget we should be every day.

I returned a small smile and began to tell her everything, from me knocking on his door to my sprint home. She sat in silence for a while and just stared at me. But it wasn't like a creepy "please stop looking at me" kind of stare, it was more like an "I want to understand you, and you did nothing wrong" kind of stare.

"I think both of you were just too overwhelmed by the moment. It may not have been the best move to kiss him right away after he was so confused by the fact that the kiss he had enjoyed so much turned out to be from a boy's lips. But I don't think it was such a bad decision either. It gave him something to think about. He might hate you right now, for turning his world upside down and taking all of what he believed to be true, such as his sexuality, and just throw it out the window. I know he has had man crushes before, even though he might not even realize it, but I know him since he even knew himself properly. What I'm trying to say is, he might not know he swings both ways, but maybe you will make him realize. So don't overthink it and don't worry too much. He'll come to his senses. I just can't guarantee it'll be any time soon. Jay can take long at thinking, and even more if it is something as important as his sexuality. So just, give him space to think for a while and everything will turn out fine." She finished.

I took some minutes to process everything she said to me and finally replied while looking at the floor.

"What if it doesn't turn out fine?" I said and my voice cracked.

Ellie hugged me tight and said with a calm voice, "Don't worry, everything will be fine."

"What if he doesn't want to be my best friend anymore?" I said, ignoring her reply.

"Even though I can't tell you exactly what will happen, I am almost certain you'll still be best friends. You just need to cool off a little while. Both of you." She said while rubbing my back. I nodded and tried to keep my mind off the calmness Jason's kiss made me feel.